LGBTQ: A Better Understanding

Dan is the director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in helping men and women overcome unwanted LGBTQ issues, sexual abuse recovery, and trauma. This article is a companion article for The Building Blocks of Homosexuality and The Building Blocks of Gender Confusion. These articles, and more, are available on the Reconciliation Ministries website at https://recmin.org/newsletter-archives.

● Are people born gay or trans? 

● Do people choose to be gay or trans?

● Is change really possible?

● What does change even mean?

● If I still lust after men after walking away from homosexuality, have I really changed anyway?

 ● Being trans seems to answer so many questions I’ve had for a long time. How can it possibly be wrong?

● I’ve asked God to take these feelings away forever. Nothing’s changed. Does He even care?

Our answers to the questions can cause perceptions within the LGBTQ community that hinder the deeper messages of our faith. Our answers to those questions can also cause confusion for many in the church. There are already so many conflicting messages about LGBTQ issues from total rejection to total acceptance and affirmation. The bottom line can be summed up in the following three Scriptures: “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” [Romans 3:23], God “commands all people everywhere to repent” [Acts 17:30b], and “God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life” [John 3:16].

This article is written with the Biblical perspective expressed by Jesus as He referenced the book of Genesis in Mark 10:6-9. “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” This article holds to the perspective that God ordains physical sexual expression solely within the marriage covenant of one biologically born male and one biologically born female. It is important to note that temptations alone are not sin – acting upon our temptations is a sin. Just like there are many who have heterosexual temptations and choose not act upon them, there are many who have homosexual or transgender temptations and choose not to act upon them. We are called to submit all of our sinful temptations to the cross, no matter what those temptations are.

Someone asked me if two people of the same gender love each other, and both agree to their behavior, what does it hurt? It’s true that not everyone uses the Bible as the foundation for their lives and behavior; however, God designed us, and He knows how we should live. This is illustrated in our sexuality. We are designed for monogamous, heterosexual behavior. Research shows that sexually active teenagers are more depressed that non-sexually active teenagers.1 The Christian Medical and Dental Association published a comprehensive review of research concerning the health risks of homosexual behavior.2 Multiple organizations have published research on the harm of puberty blockers and cross gender hormones.3 This all relates to the teenager’s question. If same-sex behavior is based at least in part by emotional brokenness, or trying to fulfill unmet needs, it would be reinforcing that brokenness and/or attempts to meet unmet needs in ways that don’t work; therefore, causing harm in the long run to both people who truly do love each other.

LGBTQ sin often gets singled out as the sin above all sins. I get it. If someone doesn’t struggle with same-sex attractions or gender confusion, that type of behavior sounds gross to them. They can settle into an “at least I’m not as bad as those people” mentality. To the non-LGBTQ group, I would ask how they are doing in their repentance from self-righteousness… pornography… alcohol…? Remember, we’ve all sinned and fallen short of the Kingdom of God. All of us are struggling with, or overcoming, something. LGBTQ issues are just one of many sins that afflict humanity.

We can see this in 1 Corinthians 6:9-11. Homosexuality is pretty much in the middle of a whole bunch of things that keep people from inheriting the Kingdom of God. I’m guessing that we’ve all been somewhere in that list at one time or another. Verse 11 holds the good news, “And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” I thank God for the evidence from over 2000 years ago that we can be set free from sexual immorality, idolatry, adultery, homosexuality, theft, greed, alcoholism, slander, and swindling others. 1 John 1:9 reads, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” I’m thankful that that verse doesn’t contain any exemptions. It promises that the Lord can cleanse us from all sinfulness, no matter what type.

Research has shown that sexual orientation and gender identity change efforts are effective and are not harmful.4, 5 Change allowing therapy decreases depression and anxiety even if the client does not experience a significant change in his or her sexual orientation.6 Research also shows that the gay and lesbian population experiences higher rates of alcoholism, mental health disorders, and domestic violence than the heterosexual population, even in countries that are more affirming of LGBTQ issues than the US.2 This would suggest that the cause of those co-occurring challenges isn’t homophobia or transphobia, but that LGBTQ issues are just one more form of human brokenness. Multiple studies also show that for people experiencing transgender feelings prior to puberty, between 70 and 95% of them will go on to embrace their birth gender if simply left alone. However, if those kids are given puberty blockers, almost none will embrace their birth gender after adolescence.7

What are realistic expectations for those who are overcoming LGBTQ issues? Once they repent, will they experience a life free from any LGBTQ temptations whatsoever? Learning to overcome any sin is a process. It is common for those overcoming habitual sin to experience increased temptations when they experience times of increased stress. In reality, there is a continuum of change. On one side we see some who have experienced transformation and no longer have any same-sex attraction or gender confusion whatsoever. On the other side of the continuum we see people who are working their recovery, yet their attractions and desires haven’t changed. Although their attractions haven’t changed, they are committed to submitting their sexuality to the cross and upholding Biblical sexual ethics. Most of us are somewhere in the middle. Our same-sex attractions or gender confusion is no where near what it used to be, but it is not totally gone. In times of increased stress our temptations may increase; however, through discipleship programs and ethical care we have learned to steward our sexuality and not surrender to our temptations.

In the newsletter entitled Working Your Recovery: Facing Temptations, we looked at the reality that recovery is a process, and we may very well continue to experience temptations for whatever sinful behavior we gave our lives to in the past. That is one of the reasons Jesus said, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me” [Luke 9:23]. The good news is that we have a Savior who can relate to our weaknesses and offer us hope in our time of need. Jesus was tempted in everyway we are, yet He never sinned. He can empower us to overcome our temptations [Hebrews 4:14-16]. As we go to Him in our weakness, we receive His strength [2 Corinthians 12:9]. In this process of grace, we learn more about our Savior’s heart and grow deeper in relationship with Him.

Where do homosexual desires or transgender inclinations come from? There are many opinions out there. Some say it is a choice. Others claim genetic or biological causes. Still others identify environmental causes like family of origin issues and cultural influences. Some blame it on demonic oppression. In reality, there is a complex mix of ingredients in the development of same-sex attraction or transgenderism. You can read more about the building blocks of each in the articles, The Building Blocks of Homosexuality and The Building Blocks of Gender Confusion, available on the Reconciliation Ministries website at https://recmin.org/newsletter-archives. In this newsletter, I will simply ask you if you’ve ever struggled with a habitual sin of any type. Since you are a part of Adam’s race, I’ll assume that you have. Safe to say, you probably never lay awake one-night thinking that your life was just too easy, and that you needed a sinful habit to make it more challenging. More likely, you just gravitated to whatever sinful habit you adopted and eventually found yourself stuck in its negative behavior pattern. That’s what happens to those of us who have experienced LGBTQ desires. It just happens. And it feels as natural as breathing. Habitual sin is usually an illegitimate attempt to solve a legitimate problem. We may drink – illegitimate attempt – because we want to numb emotional pain – a legitimate problem. We may act on our sexual temptations to bond with the same gender – illegitimate attempt – because we didn’t receive the infilling from our same sex parent or peers that God intended us to have, and we are trying to fill the void in our hearts – legitimate problem. Although we didn’t lay awake in bed one night and choose to have same-sex attraction or gender confusion, we do choose how we will respond to it.

In the past ten to twenty years, newer cultural influences have drawn many into the LGBTQ community. Social media and online influencers allow teens to easily explore topics that they would never dream of discussing with their parents. Those sources are designed to give you more exposure to what you’ve already searched. If you look up cat videos, you’ll get more suggestions for cat videos. If you look up LGBTQ topics, you’ll get more suggestions for LGBTQ topics. All within the privacy of your bedroom, on your very own smartphone.  Unfortunately, many voices and testimonies of those who have overcome LGBTQ issues are silenced on those platforms. Movies and television shows have become bolder in their overt promotion of homosexuality and transgenderism. It starts young. I was shocked when I realized that a YouTube channel geared towards helping toddlers learn their colors and letters through singing, included a nonbinary identified woman. That same YouTube influencer also invited a prominent transwoman to sing on her show.8 A recent article touted the best kid’s shows with transgender characters.9 One of the latest science fiction series actually employed the help of GLAAD, a pro-LGBTQ organization, to help them introduce a gay couple, a widowed lesbian, and a non-binary character with a transgender boyfriend in ways that illicit the viewers’ sympathy and support for those identities.10 These moves are calculated to promote the LGBTQ message.

So, what do we do if someone we care about tells us that he or she is struggling with homosexuality or transgenderism? First of all, take the time to breathe… to pray… Respond with love and compassion. Thank him or her for having the courage to share his or her struggle with you. It is important to speak the truth in love. We can reassure him of God’s love for him, and offer to help walk with him through the process of learning to yield his sexuality to Jesus. As we speak the truth in love, it is important that we don’t allow our human compassion to compromise Biblical truth. If she has questions about Biblical sexuality and has studied gay-revisionist theology, take the time to sincerely examine the Scriptures together and learn what they say about holy sexuality. The Gay Gospel? and Speaking of Homosexuality by Joe Dallas are excellent resources.

The emotional challenges are real. The sanctification process can be messy at times. It is during these times that we may be tempted to tell ourselves that it would be much easier for our friend to accept her same-sex attraction, than for her to work at overcoming it. Remember that we are all living for eternity, and that the Holy Spirit will walk with us through every step of our journey. He will do what is best for her in light of eternity. We can assure her that “In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” [Romans 8:28].  Stand with her during the messy times and encourage her to continue reaching out to the Lord for help. Help her find a safe Christian caregiver that is experienced in helping people overcome LGBTQ struggles. Reconciliation Ministries and Restored Hope Network are excellent places to start.

These same principles apply if you are the one struggling with LGBTQ issues. It is also important to embrace your true identity as a redeemed son or daughter of God the Father. Your struggles are not your identity. Don’t embrace the false identity of a “gay-Christian” or a “trans-Christian”. If you have Jesus as your Savior, you are a redeemed son or daughter of God the Father. Unfortunately, there are even many in the church that do embrace these labels; however, they don’t apply the same principles across all aspects of sin. Most married people who don’t struggle with same-sex attraction experience temptations to lust after the opposite gender, but they don’t identify themselves as “adulterous-Christians”. Have you ever heard someone identify himself as a “porn addict-Christian”? Highly unlikely! Speak the truth about your identity and stand as a redeemed son or daughter of God the Father.

It is important to reach out to safe Christians for support. An experienced Christian caregiver can help you walk through the recovery process, and help you prayerfully look at the things in your life that may be contributing to your same-sex desires or struggles with gender identity. The pastoral care department of your church should be the best place to start. There are many excellent programs out there like Living Waters, Taking Back Ground, Path Through the Wilderness, and Celebrate Recovery. Many other resources are listed on the resources pages of the Restore Hope Network website at https://www.restoredhopenetwork.org.

Stay close to Jesus as you walk through this process. You may not always understand Him, but He is always faithful. He will meet you in the broken areas of your life, and give you strength when you are tired and tempted. Find trustworthy Christians to live life with and don’t give up. Remember, “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” [Philippians 1:6].

Footnotes:

1 Rector, Johnson, and Noyes. Sexually Active Teenagers Are More Likely to Be Depressed and to Attempt Suicide. Center for Data Analysis (6/3/2002) Heritage Foundation Report. Retrieved on 12/2/2244 from https://www.heritage.org/education/report/sexually-active-teenagers-are-more-likely-be-depressed-and-attempt-suicide.

2 Christian Medical and Dental Association. CMDA Ethics Statement: Transgender Identification. (2023) Retrieved from https://app.box.com/shared/static/2q2xjp0mwrm7hrytyww2ixr9w34xs6kw.pdf on 12/2/2024.

3 Hitz, Dan. Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. Risks of Transgender-Affirming Treatment. (2019) Retrieved from https://recmin.org/s/Risks-of-Trans-Affirmation-m7dj.pdf on 12/2/2024.

4 Reintegrative Therapy Association. www.reintegrativetherapy.com/the-science.

5 Journal of Human Sexuality. Alliance for Therapeutic Choice and Scientific Integrity www.journalofhumansexuality.com.

6 Nicolosi, J., Byrd, A.D., and Potts, R.W. (2000) Retrospective self-reports of changes in homosexual orientation: A consumer survey of conversion therapy clients. Psychological Reports, 86, 1071-1088.

7 Heyer, Walt. Trans Life Survivors. Self-published, Lexington, KY, 2018.

8 For references, Google Ms. Rachel, nonbinary, Jules Hoffman, and Dylan Mulvaney.

9 Santora, Tyler. The Best Kids’ TV Shows with Transgender Characters. Fatherly. 5/16/2023. Retrieved on 12/2/2024 from https://www.fatherly.com/entertainment/the-best-kids-shows-with-transgender-characters.

10 StarTrek.com staff. Star Trek Discovery Introduces First Transgender and Non-Binary Characters. 9/2/2020. Retrieved on 12/2/2024 from https://www.startrek.com/news/star-trek-discovery-introduces-first-trangender-and-non-binary-characters.

All Bible verses are from the New International Version. (2011). BibleGateway.com.  http://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/#booklist.

Photos are of models and used courtesy of www.unsplash.com. © 2024 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given.

Working Your Recovery: Facing Temptation

Dan is the director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in helping men and women overcome unwanted LGBTQ issues, sexual abuse recovery, and trauma. He is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and began his journey out of homosexuality in 1984. This newsletter is adapted from a teaching he presented at Celebrate Recovery, Woodside - Troy on September 27, 2024.

“Lord, take these desires away…”
Pretty much all of us at one point or another.

Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.”
Luke 9:23 NIV

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“Lord, take these feelings away!” I think we’ve all prayed that at some point in our lives. Probably about the same time we’ve said for the umpteenth time, “I’m sick of this. I’ll never _____ again!” The problem is that we keep doing it again. We may have even heard testimonies from people who asked God to take their addiction away and He actually did. Instantly. “What’s with that?” “Why him and not me?” Fair question. I don’t know that answer to that. But I do know that those testimonies are about one in a million. They’re rare. Most of us have to fight and work our recovery for a very long time before we confidently start saying stuff like, “I used to be a _____,” or “I’m a former _____.” For most of us, recovery is a long process of learning to say no to our nagging desires, learning to follow Jesus, and learning to address some pretty painful emotional issues that fueled our addictions. Recovery isn’t fun, It’s a lot of work.

Luke quotes Jesus in Chapter 9, verse 23, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” Denying ourselves and taking up our cross daily implies an active lifestyle of saying no to our own desires and yes to His. It implies that some of those noes and yeses are pretty hard to say. What gives? Aren’t we supposed to be new creations [2 Corinthians 5:17]? Since Jesus went so far as dying on the cross for us and the Holy Spirit lives inside of us, why is this recovery thing so difficulty for many of us while it seems to be a cinch for others? After being a Christian since 1984, and getting serious about my recovery in 1999, I still don’t know why some people get instantly delivered. My struggle with unwanted same-sex attraction went on for a very long time. Actually, it’s still not totally gone, but it’s a small fraction of what it used to be. After all these years, I’ve come to trust Jesus more. I’ve come to see my continued temptations, at whatever level they’re currently at, as a reminder to deny myself, take up my cross, and seek Him for the grace to do His will. In that process, I’ve come to know and love the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in deeper ways than I could ever dream. The process is difficult at times. Sometimes it just plain stinks. But it is always worth it.

In Judges 3:1-4, we learn that the Lord intentionally left some of the enemies of Israel in the Promised Land to teach the younger generation how to fight. Battles do something important deep within our souls if we wear the armor of God [Ephesians 6:10-18] and fight them His way. Galatians 5:16 tells us to walk by the Spirit so we don’t fulfill the lusts of the flesh. Battling our addictions God’s way allows the fruits of the Spirit to grow in us; love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control [Galatians 5:22-23]. Verse 24 reads, “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”

Let’s be real here, it’s not a “one and done”. It’s a continual lifestyle. Remember, Jesus told us to take up our cross daily. We need to accept the reality that temptations are going to happen while we’re here on this earth, and that we will have to continue to fight them in whatever form those temptations come. This isn’t a popular message. The cultural voices will tell us it’s all good. All men watch porn. Everyone has sex before they’re married. Lots of sex… with whomever they want. Most secular organizations tell those struggling with unwanted same-sex attraction or transgender issues to embrace their “authentic selves” and stop letting the church brainwash them. If we follow that same line of thinking for other struggles and addictions, we would encourage the adulterer to keep cheating on his wife and the porn addict to keep looking at porn. Since there actually are genetic indicators for alcoholism and rage, let’s also tell the alcoholic to keep drinking and the rage-aholic to continue screaming at his kids. Of course, none of that makes any sense. We are called to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit and not the voice of the media, secular organizations, or pop culture.

Does all this mean that we can never overcome our temptations or addictions? That we’ll always be fighting this stuff as much as we are right now? Absolutely not! It is important to note that being tempted is not a sin. Giving into our temptations is. We may be in a fight against sin and addiction, but God gives us effective weapons. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 can give us much hope. It reads, “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 promises that, “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” God promises us an open door to run away from our temptations. We must resist the urge to nail that door shut. The challenge in our recovery is to look to the Lord for help. Through Him, we must reject our ungodly desires, deny ourselves, take up our cross, and use that door of escape.

We can take comfort in the fact that we have a high priest who understands our weaknesses and was tempted in every way we are [Hebrews 4:15-16]. He really does understand what it is like to be tempted and have to resist the pleasures of sin. Luke 4:13 reads, “When the devil had finished all this tempting, he left him [Jesus] until an opportune time.” We can learn something from this. We can expect temptations until the day we die. If Jesus, the sinless Son of God, had an “opportune time” to get hit with temptation, we who have engaged in sin – who learned to enjoy sin and made a habit of sin – will also have an “opportune time” for temptation. The good news is that during those times, we can “approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” [Hebrews 4:16]

What is your “opportune time”? When do you notice your temptations increasing beyond the typical levels? For many of us, times of high stress, loneliness, life transitions, and unmet expectations can cause our temptations to increase. Others find themselves getting triggered when things are going well. We either don’t think we deserve good things, or we’ve grown up waiting for the trauma that seems to be around every corner. We expect failure, so we might as well sabotage this now and get it over with. At any rate, the devil doesn’t remind us of the pain of our addictions. He reminds us of the pleasures, or at least the thought that we can numb our pain for a short while. The problem is, the price tag is much too high. Sin always brings new pain.

If you find yourself in a season of increased temptations, remember to work your recovery. Pray. Reach out to the Body of Christ for help. Reach out to your sponsor, your accountability partner, or your mentor. Ask yourself if you’ve become sloppy in your boundaries. Have you been in the Word? Have you taken enough time for self-care? Are you hanging out with people who encourage you in your recovery? Sometimes it just takes a few minor adjustments to overcome a wave of temptations. Other times, the Lord is calling you into a season of deeper recovery through a step-study, recovery group, or therapy.

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It also helps to look at your increased temptations like a warning light on the dashboard of your car. Are there deeper emotional triggers going on that the Lord wants to address? Triggers can often be an opportunity for increased healing. In times of increased temptations, ask the Holy Spirit to show you what triggered you and what emotions are under the trigger. Did something happen that caused you to feel rejected, inferior, shameful, fearful? As you understand the trigger and the emotions behind it, ask the Lord what’s going on in your heart. What wrong beliefs, desires, or strongholds are fueling the temptations? Once you understand what’s fueling the temptations, ask the Lord to show you what His holy solution is. Once you apply His holy solution, the temptations will usually dissipate. This process takes some practice, but as you learn to sit quietly with the Lord in your temptations and emotional pain, you’ll be amazed how He can meet you there to bring deeper healing that empowers you to resist the temptation.

This process has become one of my most valuable recovery tools. When I became the ministry director over twenty years ago, I was extremely insecure and felt like I had no idea what I was doing. Donations were scarce and I was afraid that I would be the one to crash this valuable ministry that had already been around for decades. I found myself getting hit with temptations to fantasize about aggressive homosexual encounters. I was confused. This was not my usual temptation. After wrestling with these temptations for about two weeks, I finally stopped fighting them in my own strength and sat with the Lord. I admitted the temptations I had been struggling with and asked Him what the root issue was. He reminded me of my insecurities in becoming the ministry director and how I was worried that I was not capable enough to successfully lead this ministry. He then showed me that I was somehow looking for a strong, masculine force to rescue me and save the day. He was right. The enemy was tempting me to sexualize my insecurities. I felt like I was in over my head, and I wanted someone to come in and rescue me. I repented for giving into my fear. I still didn’t know what I was going to do. I asked the Lord what His holy solution was. He showed me a picture of a strong, right arm. It wasn’t sensual. It was His righteous right arm and I saw a little mini-me tucked inside. The Father was carrying me. He said that He would be my strong, masculine force to empower me and show me how to do what He was calling me to do. His words calmed my heart. Within 15 minutes, the visual temptations I had been getting hit with for two weeks were gone. Sitting with the Lord in our emotional pain and temptations, identifying the root issues, and asking the Holy Spirit for His holy solution is a valuable recovery tool.

And now we come back to where this article started. If we want to follow Jesus, He is calling us to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him. He doesn’t guarantee us instant victory. He actually tells us that we will have trouble in this world. Life is painful at times. So is our addiction. Incredibly, Jesus does promise that He will receive everyone who comes to Him for help. He promises to never leave us or forsake us. He promises to give us a way to escape our temptations. He even promises to complete the work that He began in our hearts. When we consider the pain of our addictions and the blessings of following Christ, there is no viable option. Following Jesus, denying ourselves, and bearing the cross brings peace in the middle of the storm, true freedom on this earth, and eternal life surrounded by His love.

You can overcome sin. Call Reconciliation Ministries at 586.739.5114. We are here to walk with you to Jesus.

All Bible verses are from the New International Version. (2011). BibleGateway.com. http://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/#booklist

Photos licensed through www.shutterstock.com. © 2024 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given.

Love Is The Answer

This newsletter was originally written by Dan Hitz for The MST Project’s Real Men Pursuing Purity Event 40 devotional booklet, The Path to Holiness, in February 2024. The MST Project is a Christian ministry committed to helping every man realize his full potential. MST stands for "Mentoring Men, Strengthening Marriages, Teaching Truth." The MST Project was founded by Christian Lenty and is an international ministry headquartered in Bangkok, Thailand. You can learn more about the MST Project at https://themstproject.com.

 “There was a certain creditor who had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. And when they had nothing with which to repay, he freely forgave them both. Tell Me, therefore, which of them will love him more?”

Simon answered and said, “I suppose the one whom he forgave more.”

And He said to him, “You have rightly judged.”

Luke 7:41-43 NKJV

“The assurance of His total forgiveness of our sins through the blood of Christ means we don't have to play defensive games anymore. We don't have to rationalize and excuse our sins. We can call sin exactly what it is, regardless of how ugly and shameful it may be, because we know that Jesus bore that sin in His body on the cross.”

Jerry Bridges, The Navigators

If you’re reading this devotional it’s likely that you’ve been forgiven for a lot of bad things that have caused you much shame. The good news is that even when we were living a sinful life, God showed how much He loves us by sending His son, Jesus, to take the punishment that we deserved. (Romans 5:8) When we come to Him in repentance, He takes away our sin and invites us to live our lives in relationship with Him. He offers us the joy, peace, and fulfillment that we were looking for all along. His offer of forgiveness continues as we learn to live in relationship with Him and overcome our sin day by day. (Romans 5:1-11) The more we realize how much He has forgiven us, the more our love for Him grows. (Luke 7:36-50)

Through relationship with Jesus, we realize that the sinful things that we once thought were so valuable actually have no value. Even though our sexual sins may have felt very powerful, they actually robbed us of our strength. They put us into spiritual debt. When we turn away from our sins and ask Jesus for forgiveness, He forgives our debts and teaches us to value His ways. In relationship, He asks us to surrender the worthless things that caused us shame, and gives us things of great eternal value in their place. His love for us empowers us far more than the destructive false love of sexual sin cripples us.

Focusing on the love of Jesus and the better gifts He offers us helps us resist sin. A while ago I was looking at social media as I was getting ready to fall asleep. Temptation hit. I had a choice to make. I could surrender to the offer of a lesser pleasure that would give an immediate powerful payoff, but would bring shame and guilt; or I could look to Jesus who truly loves me and offers a much better reward for surrendering to Him. Thankfully I chose to forsake the shameful offering of sin, and embrace the Lord’s offering of peace. It was my love for Jesus and the desire to live for Him that helped me forsake sin. I got off of social media, turned on some audio Bible verses, and went to sleep. I woke the next morning to a wonderfully intimate prayer time with Jesus and could sense Him sharing powerful spiritual insights. Jesus’ love for me and my love for Him helped me turn away from the lesser action of sin and turn towards His wonderful gift of sexual purity and emotional peace. His love can help you too.

It is so much easier to walk away from something if you know what you are walking toward. Ask the Lord to help you understand His love for you and His goals for your life. As your love for Him grows, your appreciation of the value of His gifts will grow too. Focus on these things during your times of temptation. God’s love and His gifts are far more powerful than the destructive pleasure of sin.

1. Can you fully receive the love and forgiveness that Jesus offers you, or do you struggle with condemnation?

2. What has your sexual sin cost you emotionally, relationally, and experientially?

3. What has Jesus offered you in exchange for your sin?

Dan Hitz is the Executive Director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan. He is an ordained minister and licensed professional counselor specializing in helping people overcome sexual brokenness, sexual abuse, and trauma. Dan has been in the ministry for over thirty years and lives with his wife, Marianne, in Metro Detroit, Michigan, USA.

Photo of man in grey hoodie courtesy of Guillaume Issaly via www.unsplash.com.

© 2024 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given.

What is the MST Project?

Christian Lenty is the founder and director of The MST Project, a ministry that seeks to mentor men into a pursuit of sexual purity and greater wholeness. Christian has lived and worked in Thailand for over 22 years and resides in Bangkok with his wife. This information was taken from https://themstproject.com/about/ and reprinted with permission.

MST stands for "Mentoring Men, Strengthening Marriages, Teaching Truth." As a ministry, we seek to support men everywhere through our three initiatives, On The Street, Pathway to Purity, and Real Men Pursuing Purity. And through these three initiatives, we advocate for men pursuing purity, Biblically healthy marriages, loving and caring families, and an unwavering commitment to the truth.

The MST Project focuses on three primary initiatives: On the Street ministers to men who visit red-light districts through sidewalk conversations, 1-on-1 meetings, and online resources. Pathway to Purity provides 1-on-1 mentorship, weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly accountability, and online resources. Real Men Pursuing Purity hosts quarterly events, provides weekly connect groups and online resources. Please refer to each specific ministry page for a comprehensive overview of each of our initiatives.

We believe that God's love, mercy, and grace is for all men, in all places, and at all times. We view all men as the fathers, brothers, and sons they are and whom God cares deeply about. (Genesis 2:7, 2 Peter 3:9) All people deal with issues, but not everyone has someone to help them overcome those issues. Our heart is to be that support for men wanting to make changes in their life.

When a man invites us to be a part of his life and the struggles he is encountering, we don't run away. We listen, we offer hope, we provide practical guidance, and we share the truth. Our care for men is best demonstrated by our commitment to men.

Visit https://themstproject.com/ to learn more about online resources and support.

© 2024 The MST Project. Reprinted with permission.

My Broken Mess: A Life Changed through Living Waters

Rhonda Ross is a good friend of Reconciliation Ministries and has attended two sessions of Living Waters. Her testimony is shared with her permission in the hopes that it helps many receive healing from Jesus, the One who heals the brokenhearted.

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Psalm 51:10,12 NIV

In March of 2022 after my first Living Waters attendance, I realized that after being a very active member of my local church for 52 years, that I was NOT OK. After decades of being crushed by sin and darkness of the world, I had come to a point where there was nowhere to turn but to God. Seeing beauty in brokenness was not something I could even understand. Psalm 51 tells us that we can ask God to create in us a new heart, and renew a steadfast spirit in us. The psalm also references that He can restore us to the joy of our salvation and grant us a willing spirit to sustain us. These verses are talking about a broken spirit. Even though the revelation that I was not ok made me feel defeated, I did know that He is always with me and could heal my heart.

What really stopped me in my tracks was that after Living Waters was over, I suddenly had the realization that I had a story that I didn’t realize was actually “keeping me” from a true healing of my emotions and blocking healing from childhood and adult trauma. I didn’t know I was broken. BUT I WAS BROKEN. God gently reached down and began to walk with me through my healing journey. I HAD TO DIE TO SELF in order to be spiritually fruitful.

Those of you that don’t know me let me just tell you in a capsulated form what brought me to my knees….

• Parental emotional abuse.

• Parents were emotionally unavailable.

• My father was unfaithful to my mom, multiple times in his life and my “little girl” image of my dad on a pedestal fell to the floor and broke.

• My mom lived a bitter life after that and made it very difficult to love her.

• My mother-in-law was verbally abusive to my husband and myself right up to her death.

• My husband had a disease called FAP which in layman’s terms means polyps that form in your entire intestinal system that have to be monitored and removed to avoid cancer. He had multiple life-threatening surgeries from as early as 1990. My youngest son was diagnosed at 17 years of age with the same thing as my husband. My son’s illness progressed twice as fast as my husband’s and he suffered many years from countless surgeries. His life choices were detrimental to his illness. He was not able to really grasp the severity of his choices and lacked the understanding of how seriously ill he was.

• In January of 2017 my youngest son passed away at the age of 32 from multiple complications. He died suddenly of cardiac arrest, pneumonia, and sepsis.

• After his brother’s death my oldest son struggled as he loved his brother dearly. So hard to lose your best friend (brother).

• In July of 2021 my husband of almost 41 years died after a prolonged battle with Leukemia.

I pushed all of this down emotionally and always had a quick answer to those who inquired and said “How are you?” I WAS ALWAYS FINE… NOT!

I came to a point where I physically, emotionally, and spiritually could no longer keep it inside. I began to trust Him to repair and restore me. To repair my broken heart. In sitting with Jesus and coming here to Living Waters I was able to pour out my pain and struggles. Jesus listened to every word. I also sought Godly counsel to help maneuver the many landmines I didn’t know were there. I am here today… No longer giving you the “pretend” me. I am in the process of true freedom for the first time in my life. I bring my brokenness to you being vulnerable so that you too can be encouraged that “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

Jesus suffered heartbreak for my sake on the cross, I thank Him for His sacrifice and for loving me so much. He can make something beautiful out of our messes.

© 2023 Reconciliation Ministries. This article was printed with the express permission of Rhonda Ross.

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Lives Are Changed through the Living Waters Program.

Living Waters is a Christ-centered discipleship/ministry program for men and women seeking healing in areas of sexual and relational brokenness; including codependency, fear, shame, self-hatred, pornography addiction, sexual addiction, homosexuality, sexual ambivalence, emotional abuse, childhood sexual abuse, transgender issues, and difficulty in establishing and sustaining healthy relationships. Our next program is starting soon, call 586.739.5114 for more information.

Here are just two examples of the many participants who had their lives changed through the power of Jesus Christ in the Living Waters program. Their testimonies are published with their permission.

“More than anything else Living Waters has taught me that I am able to be brutally, completely honest with God and He will not reject me for it. God desires an intimate relationship with me because He created me and loves me. Despite all of my sin and flaws I do not need to hide from God.”

“When I signed up for Living Waters, I felt like I was a failure as a wife, mother, and human being. I was not respected by my family, nor by myself. The Living Waters focus was on being honest on many different topics, and was about healing me, not anyone else. In the process of healing me, I was and am blown away that my marriage is improving, and that my adult child who wanted nothing to do with me has said that she loves me.”

Photos used are courtesy of www.unsplash.com and are not the actual participants.

The Road Less Traveled

Tom and Donna Cole are co-directors of Pure Heart Ministries International. They have shared the message of God’s transforming love in over 43 nations. Tom started his ministry experience at Reconciliation Ministries and served as Executive Director from 1994 to 2003. They have four children and six grandchildren with another on the way!

And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.

1 Corinthians 6:11 NKJV 

My life would take a dramatic turn in November of 1986. Before that day I was a deeply broken and lost man. I had been actively involved in the gay community in Detroit for seven years. I had secretly been involved sexually for the 7 years before that. And I was miserable. I thought if I just embraced who I really was, and give myself fully to it, I would find true happiness and fulfillment. My friends and family that knew about my homosexuality embraced me and accepted me. But deep down I was suicidal and miserable. I drank and did drugs regularly. I kept searching for the right man to love. But in that search I became sexually addicted as well.

Then in November of 1986 I was introduced to Jesus Christ through the precious witness of a woman I worked with. I went to church with her and her family and gave my life to Christ at the end of the service. I knew I was different from that moment on. Shame was broken off as I realized Jesus forgave my sins. But that was just the beginning of my journey. I would spend the next 6 years dealing with the root issues of my same-sex attraction. I was saved, but Jesus is all about transforming us into His image. And that takes time. In the midst of this process I met and became best friends with Donna, a former lesbian. Two years into that process we both realized that we had fallen in love. We married on Christmas Day of 1988. Does marriage heal homosexuality? Not even close. We both were still very broken in our first years of marriage and much healing would still need to occur for us to walk in victory over our brokenness.

God is faithful. If we lean into Him, and trust His ways, He will bring about our transformation. It may not be in the timeline that we desire. But He will change us in so many ways. I leaned into God and recognized that I was a weak man. In my weakness God became my strength.  I did not overcome same sex issues in my own strength. I didn’t have strength to do anything. Slowly, but surely, I found my attractions diminishing. I began to see men the way God intended. I sought out deliverance, healing and godly counsel on this journey. I attended church services and worship nights. I read the Bible voraciously. I would spend hours in my room just worshipping Jesus. I built healthy friendships. I love that we get to partner with God in the process of sanctification! I also had to renew my mind. I had spent so many years focused on an unhealthy view of men. My mind was so polluted by my past. I memorized scriptures that dealt with temptation. I did deep studies in the Bible concerning His will for my sexuality. I read books and testimonies of others who had overcome. I joined with God in the process.

I honestly give all the glory and credit to God for the last 37 years of transformation. Is life hard sometimes? Absolutely! I’ve known grief intimately. I’ve battled temptation with God at my side. I’ve had conflict in my marriage, with my children and with friends. But I have always continued to lean into Christ through prayer, worship, solitude and through studying His word. I heard a worship song that said “If you don’t quit, you win”! Profound and true words! I think that is the key to true transformation.

My wife and I are coming to the Detroit area in July and will be sharing our testimonies at Great Lakes Church in Sterling Heights Sunday, July 23rd at 9:00 AM. Come and join us to hear us share our stories. We will also be doing a Pure Heart weekend conference July 28th and 29th in South Lyon. The weekend addresses the primary wounds we all have received in life. It’s a healing experience for everyone. This is not just about homosexuality. It’s for each and every one of us. Please come and join us, and bring a friend.

For more information about Pure Heart Ministries, visit them at www.pureheart.rest.

Photo of sunrise courtesy of www.unsplash.com.
Photo of Tom and Donna courtesy of www.pureheart.rest.

© 2023 Pure Heart Ministries.

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Tom and Donna Cole will be sharing their testimonies at Great Lakes Church on Sunday, July 23rd at 9:00 PM. They will also be doing a question and answer session at 6:00 PM. Great Lakes Church is located at 39051 Dodge Park Rd, Sterling Heights, MI 48313.

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Tom and Donna will be doing a Pure Heart weekend conference in South Lyon at The Barn on July 28th and 29th. The eight lessons of Pure Heart are based on the Beatitudes from the Gospel of Matthew. There will be worship, teaching and ministry times following. This is an experiential weekend. Come expecting to have God heal and transform your heart. Tom and Donna have ministered Pure Heart to many thousands of people. Testimonies continue to come in from many years ago that Pure Heart changed their lives and that they have had lasting change.  You can register online at https://www.pureheart.rest/events/july-23-24-2023-in-south-lyon. The exact address will be given when you register.

Lives are Changed through Living Waters!

Living Waters is a Christ-centered discipleship/ministry program for men and women seeking healing in areas of sexual and relational brokenness; including pornography addiction, codependency, sexual addiction, homosexuality, sexual ambivalence, childhood sexual abuse, transgender issues, and difficulty in establishing and sustaining healthy relationships. Our next program is starting soon.

Here are some powerful testimonies from participants who had their lives changed through the power of Jesus Christ in the Living Waters program. They are used with the permission of the participants.

“I feel that Living Waters has set me on a trajectory that I have always wanted. I want to be ‘in love’ with God. My relationship with Him has greatly improved.”

A female participant.

“Living Waters has taught me that I can be truly honest with God in my prayer life. I don’t need to hide from Him because He already knows everything.”

A male participant.

 “The best part of Living Waters was the small group time. It was here that I felt fully known and fully loved by the other group members, and I felt comfortable sharing my story.”

A male participant.

Years… decades… of countless hurting and broken relationships forged my life. I grew up in a home where my entire youth constantly reinforced the short comings and failures of my character and capability. While in Living Waters I discovered for the first time in my life that I am a perfect creation of God. I have drawn closer to Jesus. I have a desire to know him. I thirst for his living water to know his life so I can forgive and use his word to be the person he created me to be.

A male participant.

The teachings are very relevant. The topics week after week reach different parts of our journeys. The whole program is anointed to reach the areas of our hearts that I don’t think we could reach on our own.

A female participant.

I’ve kind of done this life thing on my own. No one has really been there to stand up for me or protect me. Being in Living Waters and having the ladies in my small group call out the wrongs done to me and be angry about the injustice in my life helped me to see that Jesus saw it all and isn’t okay with it.

A female participant.

When your identity is stolen very early in life, you learn to survive in your environment anyway you can. Even as a believer your choices are twisted in the early lies of self, going down a road of anxiety, disappointment, disapproval and sin. The early wounds become buried in layers of pain and loneliness. Searching and searching for answers led to more pain and frustration.

I came to Living Waters broken, wounded and in a pain that would never stop. Slowly I began to understand my false images and let the anointed leaders at Living Waters work a miracle. I began to press into the resurrection power of Jesus, read the word, do my homework and let Jesus into the walls of self-protection where the pain lived. Layer by layer. I am believing and pressing into all God has for me. Letting go of the past and letting Jesus unfold my future. I thank Jesus for this journey of healing as only He can transform me. I have hope and faith to believe that my continued healing will come. I am drawn closer to His presence and more fully dependent on His provision. I will trust in Him as He establishes my steps.

A female participant.

For the longest time I thought that I needed to fix myself, but Living Waters taught me that I am okay – even loved – both by God and by other people. The small group time was transformative as it opened my eyes to the fact that I can be completely honest: fully known and still fully loved. I can be honest with God and I don’t need to clean up my act in order to approach Him or other people.

A male participant.

I would absolutely recommend Living Waters! I’ve briefly told a couple of friends about it and would love to see them take part someday! It has been such a blessing for me, sharing my story, having someone else say, “Yeah, me too, but here is how I am healing.”

A female participant.

“I would recommend Living Waters to others. I think this is the perfect place for people who wish to go deeper in their healing journey.”

A male participant.

If you or someone you love is struggling with sexual or relational difficulties, there is hope and healing through the power of Jesus Christ.  Call us and ask about attending the next Living Waters program. (586) 739-5114

The pictures used in this article are not the actual participants.

Photos acquired through www.unsplash.com.

© Reconciliation Ministries 2022.  This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as credit is given and no fee is charged.

The Truth About Counseling

This newsletter is based on a workshop Dan Hitz and Jim Katsoudas presented at Restored Hope Network’s HOPE 2022 conference. Both Dan and Jim are licensed mental health counselors. The goal of this newsletter is to provide a clear understanding of what licensed therapy and pastoral care for unwanted same-sex attraction or gender confusion looks like, compared to the public narrative of “conversion therapy”.  A future article will examine the validity of “change allowing therapy”.

www.shutterstock.com

What do you think about when you hear the phrase “conversion therapy”? Popular culture would have you believe that it involves coercive behavior towards someone struggling with LGBTQ issues in an effort to manipulatively convert them from gay to straight.  Add to that electric shock, nausea inducing drugs, and worse… Now you get the general public’s opinion of what happens when someone receives counseling for unwanted same-sex attraction or gender confusion. Sadly, gay-advocates have created the term “conversion therapy” to demonize any “change allowing therapy” whether it is from a licensed therapist, a pastoral care giver, or a compassionate peer support group. “Conversion therapy” is a straw man argument designed to spread angst among the unchurched population who doesn’t want to be converted through some type of religious crusade. It slanders and overly simplifies what godly caregivers do by implying that we forcefully try to “pray the gay away”. That’s not what we do.

What about the argument, “Once gay, always gay?” We’ll look more in-depth at the current peer reviewed scientific research in a future newsletter. There is ample evidence showing the fluidity of sexual attraction1 and that change allowing therapy actually works2. There is also plenty of evidence showing that even those who engaged in therapy but didn’t experience a significant change in their orientation reported decreased depression and decreased suicidal behavior after therapy3.

For today, let’s take a look at what the Bible says about transformation. The Bible offers clear proof that transformation is possible. 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 [NLT] reads:

9 Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, 10 or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. 11 Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

This is irrefutable proof that homosexuality is just one of many behaviors that God identifies as sin and calls us to repent of. When we repent, He makes us right with Him. He cleanses us and makes us holy. That doesn’t mean that we won’t ever struggle with those temptations again. Jesus, Himself, was tempted. It doesn’t even mean that we won’t ever fall again. It does mean that we can repent of homosexuality, be made righteous in Christ, and begin the PROCESS of transformation. But what happens if we do sin again in our process of transformation? 1 John 2:1-2 [NIV] reads:

1My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. 2 He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.

Receiving God’s provision of forgiveness for our sin doesn’t mean that we can continue willfully in our sin just because of his grace. As the Apostle Paul writes in Romans 6:1-2 [NLT] asking, “Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of his wonderful grace?” His response was simple. “Of course not!” True grace shows us that God has mercy on us in our transformation process and works in our hearts to change our desires. Scripture has many examples of heroes of faith falling into sin and repenting4. As repentant followers of God, they never celebrated their sin. They certainly never took pride in their sin.

What about the “born this way” argument? Scripture makes it clear that we are all born dead in trespasses and sin and need to be born again.6 The truth is, no scientists have ever been able to prove a genetic cause to homosexuality. Even the American Psychiatric Association admits they do not know what causes homosexuality. In their document, Answers to Your Questions: For a Better Understanding of Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality5, they write:

There is no consensus among scientists about the exact reasons that an individual develops a heterosexual, bisexual, gay, or lesbian orientation.  Although much research has examined the possible genetic, hormonal, developmental, social, and cultural influences on sexual orientation, no findings have emerged that permit scientists to conclude that sexual orientation is determined by any particular factor or factors. Many think that nature and nurture both play complex roles; most people experience little or no sense of choice about their sexual orientation.

What exactly is “change allowing therapy”? Such therapy or pastoral care may also be called “sexual orientation change efforts” or “sexual orientation and gender identity change efforts”. It should also be noted that there are both faith centered caregivers and secular caregivers who are skilled in helping men and women overcome unwanted LGBTQ desires. Efforts to overcome unwanted same-sex attraction or gender confusion may include simply talking to someone who understands the struggle. In addition to talking, the caregiver may use Christian disciplines like prayer, Bible study, discipleship, and mentoring. There are many wonderful resources from men and women who are themselves overcomers and share many practical insights into the transformation process. The caregiver may teach the overcomer about boundaries, accountability, triggers, and coping skills. The caregiver may also help the client explore childhood trauma and life experiences that are contributing to the overcomer’s unwanted same-sex attraction or gender confusion. For Christian caregivers, the most important aspect of the process will be to help the overcomer understand and live according to his true identity in Christ. Working with the caregiver is just one part of the transformation or recovery process. The overcomer can use many different resources to better understand himself, learn to manage temptation, and begin to practice healthier thought patterns and behaviors.

Pastoral caregiving and peer support may take place in more informal settings, while professional therapists will follow more formal, therapeutic guidelines. All compassionate care must follow “the client’s right to self-determination”, meaning that the client or ministry recipient is the one to set the goals for the care received. Change allowing caregivers are happy to work with anyone desiring to overcome LGBTQ issues. If someone wishes to embrace her LGBTQ desires, ethical therapists won’t try to coerce her to change. God, Himself, won’t violate our free will. In such a case, the caregiver would inform the client that it would violate the caregiver’s personal convictions to help her embrace LGBTQ desires and refer her to a caregiver who offers “affirming therapy”, or therapy that helps one embrace LGBTQ desires.

While the person receiving the care should be the one to set the goals for the care that he receives, some goals are helpful and some are not. This article will explore some of these goals from a Christian perspective. Many of these goals are also applicable to individuals who do not profess a faith in Christ, although the language and perspective may need to be modified to fit the worldview and vocabulary of the specific individual. Anyone receiving therapy will be more successful in their recovery if they have a set of clearly defined, appropriate goals. Of course, all compassionate care will include the exploration of coping skills, boundaries, accountability, social interaction, and life principles that help us resist temptation and experience transformation. While these are important ingredients in recovery, the most important work occurs deep in the heart.

The primary goal should be to live our lives surrendered to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and living according to our true identity in him. The primary goal should NOT be the total elimination of same sex attraction or gender confusion. This is true whether we experience a significant shift in our attractions or not. If our focus is on the elimination of all temptations, we will continually be frustrated. True inner peace comes from living one’s life surrendered to Jesus Christ, and receiving in him the love, strength and transformation that empowers us to live in authentic relationship with him. As we live for him, we become more like him. Jesus doesn’t take away temptation, he gives us the power to resist temptation. Jesus wasn’t defined by his temptations. Neither are we. We are defined by the Heavenly Father as cherished sons and daughters. We each have own unique set of strengths and weaknesses. In our submitted weakness, we are made strong in Christ (2 Corinthians 12:6-10).

Another healthy goal is the exploration of life experiences, unresolved trauma, and perceptions that may be contributing to unwanted same-sex attractions. We are a product of our perceptions and responses to our life experiences. Even though we may not be consciously aware of how these things have influenced our same-sex attraction or gender confusion, we live out those influences every day. They create behavior patterns, mindsets, and habits. Sexual brokenness and emotional challenges are the fruit of deeper emotional wounds in our heart. Understanding the root issues contributing to our unhealthy habits and mindsets can help us develop healthier thought patterns, coping skills, and life choices.

An extensive list of the benefits of change allowing therapy is beyond the scope of this newsletter, but here are some of the most common. Change allowing therapy speaks truth to the false narrative that one is trapped in homosexuality, lesbianism, or a transgender identity.  Change allowing therapy can help the individual align his sexuality with his faith. This brings a deeper understanding of one’s identity in Christ. He becomes better equipped to navigate through life’s challenges in fellowship with Christ and other believers. Exploring negative life experiences and perceptions contributing to unwanted same-sex attraction and gender confusion leads to resolution of inner conflict. Overcomers experience decreased depression, anxiety, shame, and reduced suicidal thoughts and behavior. Change allowing therapy can help strugglers who are engaging in dangerous, high risk sexual behavior avoid doing so. Change allowing therapy enhances the overcomer’s spiritual, social, physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing.

It is important to address some realistic expectations for anyone experiencing therapy of any type, and especially for those receiving therapy for unwanted same-sex attraction or gender confusion. Therapy to overcome any longstanding challenge and brokenness is hard work. Staying in our challenges and brokenness is hard work. True change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change, and we become motivated to do the hard work of recovery. This is a process. The overcomer will not experience full victory a week from Tuesday. She will need help and encouragement to celebrate the small victories and recover from the setbacks that will occur on a long journey. This is where the church, discipleship, and bearing one another’s burdens comes in. The overcomer is surrendering a lot. Although sinful and broken, the LGBTQ community has also been a source of comfort, strength, and support. The overcomer will need the help of safe, trusted others in the Body of Christ who can love and support her as she yields that former way of life to the Lord.

It’s not realistic to expect that if we are fully engaged in recovery for our same-sex attraction, God will surely bring us a spouse of the opposite sex. They are two separate issues. Unfortunately, many have used marriage as a litmus test for victory. Marriage is very complicated. Not everyone is called to marriage. This includes those recovering from unwanted same-sex attraction and gender confusion, as well as those who have never struggled with their sexuality. Marriage is complicated. It doesn’t cure sexual or emotional brokenness. If marriage is one of your recovery goals, or a demand you place upon God, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. I know many overcomers who are married, myself included. I also know many overcomers who are single and content. They are open to marriage if the Lord should ever bring the right person along, but it isn’t a demand. Married or not, the important thing is to place all of our emotional needs and desires in God’s hands and learn to receive our fulfillment from him. Along the way, he will help us learn to interact with others in the Body of Christ whom he can flow through to bless us and challenge us as we walk with him.

Whenever a new client comes into my office, I want to offer him realistic expectations. I explain that I still have some residual same-sex attractions, but that they are a fraction of what they used to be. They have gone from a place where they were debilitating, to a place where they are under my feet through the power of Jesus Christ. I have to keep my foot firmly planted and use the tools God has given me for victory. I practice accountability and boundaries. I continue to receive personal prayer ministry regularly. I explain the continuum of change. Some people have experienced a complete shift in their attractions and are no longer attracted to the same sex. Others have experienced little change in their attractions, but are continuing to yield those attractions to the cross. The reality is that most of us as overcomers are living in the middle of that continuum. We’ve experienced a shift in our attractions, but we still have to cope with some level of unwanted same-sex attraction. We are all a work on progress.

Temptations will still happen. The good news is that temptations can be yielded to Christ and used as an opportunity for deeper healing. (See the newsletter article “Praying Beyond the Temptations” at https://recmin.org/newsletter-archives.) Jesus was tempted while on this earth (Matthew 4:1-11). Luke 4:13 [NIV] reads, “When the devil had finished all this tempting, he left him [Jesus] for a more opportune time.” One day this Scripture jumped off the page, and I realized that if Jesus had a more opportune – more vulnerable – time to be tempted, we surely will too. This truth helped set my heart at ease. Temptations are not sin. It’s what we do with them that matters. Temptations don’t define us! Jesus defines us!

Wherever we are along our journey, we can live a more fulfilled life with Jesus than we can live with sin. In Christ, we can grow in the fruits of the Spirit listed in Galatians 5:22-23a [NIV], “love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” If you’re made it to the end of this article, you processed a lot of information. You may still have many questions about change allowing therapy. You may be wondering how you or someone you love can begin a healing journey. You may be wondering if you are ready to begin the journey, or if there is anyone who can help. We at Reconciliation Ministries are here to help. Yes, the journey is challenging, but the godly rewards along the way are amazing. You will learn more about yourself and the love the Heavenly Father has for you than you can ever imagine. The journey is worth it! For more information, call us at 586.739.5114, or visit us online at www.recmin.org. There is hope and healing in Jesus Christ.

1 Diamond, Dr. Lisa, Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire. Harvard University Press. 2008.

2 https://www.journalofhumansexuality.com/journals

3 Nicolosi, J., Byrd, A.D., and Potts, R.W. (2000) Retrospective self-reports of changes in homosexual orientation: A consumer survey of conversion therapy clients. Psychological Reports, 86, 1071-1088.

4 Abraham, Isaac, David, Peter – add Scripture references

5 American Psychological Association.  Answers to Your Questions: For a Better Understanding of Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality.  Washington, DC. 2008.  Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/topics/lgbtq/orientation on 5/30/2022.

6 John 3:1-21; Ephesians 2:1-5

Photo used under license with www.shutterstock.com.

© 2022 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given.

Standing in Your True Identity in Christ - Dan Hitz

This article is inspired from Chapter Ten of the 1996 edition of the Living Waters Guidebook, “The Cross: Resurrecting the True Self” by Andrew Comiskey. You can find out more information about Living Waters at https://www.desertstream.org/#.  Dan Hitz is the director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.

 Then he [Jesus] asked them, “But who do you say I am?” Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” Jesus replied, “You are blessed, Simon son of John, because my Father in heaven has revealed this to you. You did not learn this from any human being. Now I say to you that you are Peter (which means ‘rock’) and upon this rock I will build my church, and all the powers of hell will not conquer it.
Matthew 16:15-18 NLT

God places a lot of importance on names… on identities... As you read through the entire conversation in Matthew 16, you’ll see that people were calling Jesus all sorts of things at that time. It’s interesting to note that Peter actually had the correct answer, and it was revealed to him by the Father in Heaven. He didn’t figure it out by human reasoning. Jesus followed up His affirmation of Peter by highlighting Peter’s own name and it’s meaning. He then reveals His plans for Peter and the Kingdom. When the Lord renames people in Scripture, it reflects the transformation that occurs in their hearts. Abram became Abraham, Sarai became Sarah, and Saul became Paul. When God speaks our names, He speaks our identities. When He speaks our identities, He speaks vision and calling.

Image used under license from www.shutterstock.com.

Who do you say that you are? More importantly, who does God say that you are? As Christians, if we answer that question theologically, the answer is pretty powerful. 1 Thessalonians 1:4 says we are loved by God and chosen. 1 Corinthians 6:11 says we are washed, justified, and sanctified. Romans 8:37 says we are more than conquerors. The list of our Biblical attributes and identities goes on and on. Unfortunately, if we listen to the pain in our hearts, our identities can be quite different. Just like the people in Jesus’ day called Him many things, people in our day have called us many things. Some of those names were nice… some not so nice. Sometimes those not so nice names come back at us years later when we answer the question of who we are from the pain in our hearts… looser… hopeless… unwanted… and a whole lot worse.

Where did those nasty names come from? Sometimes parents in a fit of rage give us labels that sink deep into our hearts… “You’ll never amount to anything!” “You’re dumber than a head of lettuce!” “You’re a tramp!” When words like these are spoken over us by our parents, they are written in indelible ink on our souls. Sometimes our peers label us. I’ve talked with people who were labeled “faggot” even before they knew what the word meant. It’s tough to grow up and not fit a typical gender stereotype. Rough and tumble girls and sensitive, artistic boys can carry a lot of hurtful labels given to them by neighborhood kids who didn’t give them a second thought.

Sometimes labels come from the shame in our own hearts. As a small child, I didn’t realize that my body was built to respond to touch. My nerve endings didn’t know if my abusers’ touch was wanted or unwanted. I hated myself when my body responded to that touch. I carried the label of “disgusting little pervert” for years. Sometimes we’ve actually done perverted things by choice as an adult, yet even as a repentant Christian we still carry that label. Many of us in recovery gladly tell others in our small groups that they are new creations in Christ and that their old nature is gone (2 Corinthians 5:17), but when we listen to the condemnation in our own hearts, it’s quite a different story. Even after walking with Jesus for years, we may still wrestle with some pretty nasty identities. Some of them I hesitate to even print in this newsletter. But we hear them in our hearts. We might even say them out loud when no one’s around. We wonder if we’re the exception to that new creation in Christ verse. After all, if I’m a new creation, why am I still struggling?

This brings us back to our need to be defined by the Father. We need a supernatural revelation of who we are in Christ. We need the voice of the Father to speak louder than the pain in our hearts. We need to live the truth of Galatians 2:20 NIV that declares, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” We aren’t defined by our old, fallen nature anymore. We are defined by Christ. That applies even if we’ve sinned after coming to Christ. It is then that we take refuge in 1 John 1:9 NIV, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” Jesus doesn’t identify us by our fallen nature. He identifies us as who we are in Him.

So how do we sincerely lay down our old identities and fully embrace our true identities in Christ? We need to take some time to get quiet with the Father and open our hearts to Him. The thought of getting quiet with God about how He sees us might sound frightening. Remember, He knew everything about us before we even came to Him. He won’t reject us. He knows everything about us and still loves us. Find peace in the truth, “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8b NIV).

Understand that Jesus took the full weight of our sin and shame on Himself when he was crucified on the cross. His death and resurrection are infinitely more powerful than our sin. Not just for our salvation, but for our transformation into mature sons and daughters of the Father. 2 Corinthians 5:21 tells us that Jesus, who had no sin, become sin for us, so that we can be transformed into the righteousness of God. Romans 6 tells us that our old, sinful natures were crucified with Christ, and that Christ now lives in us. We have Jesus’ righteousness alive and powerful in us. That is who the Father sees when He looks at us. It is time to seek God in prayer to make this truth come alive in the depths of our hearts.

At the very beginning of our walk, the Lord called us to admit who we were in our human brokenness and accept the fact that we couldn’t save ourselves. We surrendered our old lives and natures to Him and received new natures and identities in Him. The more we focus on our true identity, the easier it will be to leave our old identity and behaviors at the cross. When we sin after coming to Christ, it doesn’t erase our God-given identity. It is at those times that we go to the cross, confess our sins, and stand as blood washed sons and daughters of the Father. We are identified by Him, and we stand in our true identity as redeemed and beloved sons and daughters.

Spend some time in prayer to specifically focus on the shame in your heart. Identify the shameful labels – identities – that you are wrestling with. Then offer them up to the Father and ask Him to show you the identity that He gives you. We can participate in Revelation 2:17b NIV right now while we’re still in process. “To the one who is victorious, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give that person a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to the one who receives it.” We’ve shared this message in small groups and ministry times for years. It is amazing to hear the shameful identities that people have laid down at the cross, and the holy identities they have received from the Father. We give each person a white stone as a remembrance of their true identity in Christ. I’ll never forget when a man came up to me quite a while after I shared this message. He told me how he was still carrying the white stone in his pocket as a reminder of his true identity in Christ. His heart was revived as he embraced the truth of who he is in Christ. It’s time for you to lay down your false identity and embrace your true identity in Christ. Who does God say that you are?

© 2022 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given.

There is Hope

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” - Jesus in John 16:33 NIV

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Lately I’ve found myself returning to John 16:33 for comfort. To say that we are in stressful times is a cosmic understatement. As Christians, we know that our only peace is in Jesus Christ, but sometimes we have a hard time walking that out. Worry and uncertainty make many of us more susceptible to the temptations and sin that “so easily trips us up” (Hebrews 12:1 NLT). If you’ve found your battle with sexual sin and broken relationships increasing lately, reach out for help. Don’t give in to the false comfort of pornography, anonymous encounters, or codependency. Jesus can bring you peace and give you strength to live for Him.

I was reminded of the precious love of Jesus a few days ago as I was privileged to share my testimony of overcoming sexual abuse and unwanted homosexuality at a Celebrate Recovery meeting in Saginaw. As I was sharing my story of growing up in pain and trying to make that pain go away through sin, I could see the hurt in many faces. I could sense that they understood the journey. These brothers and sisters knew what it was like to experience pain – some self-inflicted, some inflicted by others – and try to make that pain go away through sin. They knew the futility of it. They were also experiencing the beautiful love and transformation of Jesus Christ to heal our hearts and empower us to rise above the pain and live for Him. The love that Jesus has for everyone in that room is overwhelming.

Jesus has that same love for you. If you are struggling with sexual sin, the effects of abuse, or you’re trying again to find peace in the arms of another; look towards Christ. Reach out for help. We at Reconciliation Ministries understand the journey. Our next session of Living Waters is on January 25th. Living Waters can help you experience Jesus in a powerful way, and experience freedom. We have special tuition discounts due to the challenges of COVID, and we will be following COVID protocols for safety. We also offer licensed counseling and prayer ministry. Call us at 586.739.5114, and let us walk with you to Jesus. He loves you. He can change your life.

Caught in the Crossfire

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30 NLT

Maybe you’ve been as troubled as I have watching the confirmation process for the latest Supreme Court nominee. He has had multiple allegations brought against him for sexually abusive behavior during his high school and college years. The media has surely done its part to stir up the hype, and keep emotions triggered and their ratings high. At this point, all I can say is that God knows the truth and we will all stand before Him and give an account on Judgement Day. I have to admit that my own emotions have been triggered too, so I will now do my best to let the Lord sort this out. He knows if the accusations are true or false. He knows if the denials are true or false. May God’s will be done.

As much as my heart goes out to both of the main individuals involved in this debate, my heart goes out even more to two groups of people who are caught in the crossfire. I am very concerned about the impact of this media debacle on those who have been sexually abused themselves. I’m also concerned for those who have sexually offended. Through the years, Reconciliation Ministries has had the privilege of ministering to precious souls in both groups. No one is beyond the tender mercies of our God. No one. No one is beyond repentance, restoration, and healing. No one.

My main concern with those who have been sexually abused is that many in the media – and many in the general public – have given the clear message that if you come forward; you will not be believed, you will be interrogated; and unless you remember every single, specific detail of your abuse, you will become the suspect. How many of us remember every single detail of any of the milestone events in our lives? The reality is that many abuse survivors have learned to suppress memories of traumatic events to survive. They may start drinking, drugging, or living in deception to cope with the abuse. Some even put themselves in high risk situations to “reenact” their abuse. These are only a few of the unfortunate aftereffects of trauma that defense lawyers pounce on as they defend their guilty clients. Details such as the timeline leading up to the abuse doesn’t seem important when it is happening, so we don’t commit those details to our long-term memories. It is very common not to report the abuse for many years – if at all. We are seeing some of the reasons. Reports of abuse may be met with fierce anger, denial, or revenge. Being told things like, “You’re making it up!” or “That could never have happened!” by those we confide in is almost as traumatic as the abuse itself. To this group of wounded brothers and sisters I say, “You have safe, Christian men and women at Reconciliation Ministries who will hear you and walk with you as you receive healing in Christ.” We won’t judge you, or criticize you. We will listen to you and pray with you. Many of us have walked that painful road ourselves.

My heart also goes out to the men and women who do admit that they have offended, and are now trying to live a repentant, godly life. There are numerous men and women out there who realize they need help, but are fearful of the repercussions if they admit their offenses. Part of the concern is very real. All counselors and pastoral care personnel are required by law to report suspected acts of child abuse if there is an identifiable victim, and if the victim is still under 18 years of age; even if the alleged incident happened over ten years ago. This helps those affected by abuse get the help they desperately need, but it also makes it much harder for offenders to reach out for help. Through the years there have been a number of individuals who were repentant and brave enough to come forward even though they signed a form acknowledging the mandated reporting of suspected acts of child abuse. What I can tell you is that there are many more men and women who have committed a sexual offense well past the age requirements of reporting. They have confessed to God, but are walking around in bondage to shame and condemnation. They are truly remorseful and repentant. They admit their sin and make no excuses for their past behavior. However, they live in fear of being found out and being labeled as someone below plankton on the food chain. The media coverage of the confirmation proceedings bears this out. In the area of sexual offenses, not only is one often “guilty until proven innocent”; he or she is likely to be “guilty” in the minds of anyone who finds out that there was an allegation against him or her – even if it is dropped. Another unfortunately message of the latest media frenzy is that people can’t change. Even if the incident happened ten, twenty, or thirty years ago, there is no room for the transformation of Christ in the minds of many. Fortunately, the Holy Spirit truly can change any heart that is submitted to Him. If you are one of the many men and women who have sexually offended, or are tempted to offend, please get the help and healing that Jesus Christ willingly died to provide for you. Reconciliation Ministries is here for you too. We have had the honor of walking to the mercy seat of Jesus with many who were on the sex offender registry, others who have been in the legal system; and those who had not offended, but were struggling with the temptations. Help is available for anyone who opens their heart to Jesus. Help is available for you too.

Reconciliation Ministries also recognizes that it may be difficult for those who have experienced the trauma of sexual abuse to hear that we have grace and mercy on a group of people that represent others who have caused their pain. I am a pastoral caregiver and licensed therapist. I am also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Some of my close family members are also abuse survivors. The Lord had to change my own heart when He first called me to work with those who have committed sexual abuse. I found out then that it is much easier for us Christians to say, “Without the grace of God, there go I,” than it is to live it. I have also seen the power of our loving Savior to forgive and transform anyone who is repentant and who surrenders their lives to Jesus. I have seen the power of Jesus transform many hearts that society was willing to throw away, and turn them into living examples of the power of the cross. No one is beyond the redemption and transformational power of Jesus Christ. No one.

So I say to those of you who have been sexually abused, “Reconciliation Ministries is here for you. We will walk with you to Jesus and help you get the healing and restoration that you need.” I say to those who have offended, or are tempted to offend, “Reconciliation Ministries is here for you as well. We will walk with you to Jesus and help you get the healing and transformation that you need.” Reconciliation Ministries provides a safe, confidential, Christian environment where you can share your heart, receive compassion, and talk with others who have had similar experiences.

If you or someone you know needs help, call Reconciliation Ministries at 586.739.5114. Our next session of Living Waters will be starting soon. We also have licensed professional counseling and prayer ministry available. We are here to help you.

In Christ, Dan Hitz, Director, Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.

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Our next session of Living Waters is starting soon. There is help for those struggling with sexual and relationship issues, and for those overcoming abuse. Call 586.739.5114