Working Your Recovery: Facing Temptation
/Dan is the director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in helping men and women overcome unwanted LGBTQ issues, sexual abuse recovery, and trauma. He is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and began his journey out of homosexuality in 1984. This newsletter is adapted from a teaching he presented at Celebrate Recovery, Woodside - Troy on September 27, 2024.
“Lord, take these desires away…”
Pretty much all of us at one point or another.
Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.”
Luke 9:23 NIV
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“Lord, take these feelings away!” I think we’ve all prayed that at some point in our lives. Probably about the same time we’ve said for the umpteenth time, “I’m sick of this. I’ll never _____ again!” The problem is that we keep doing it again. We may have even heard testimonies from people who asked God to take their addiction away and He actually did. Instantly. “What’s with that?” “Why him and not me?” Fair question. I don’t know that answer to that. But I do know that those testimonies are about one in a million. They’re rare. Most of us have to fight and work our recovery for a very long time before we confidently start saying stuff like, “I used to be a _____,” or “I’m a former _____.” For most of us, recovery is a long process of learning to say no to our nagging desires, learning to follow Jesus, and learning to address some pretty painful emotional issues that fueled our addictions. Recovery isn’t fun, It’s a lot of work.
Luke quotes Jesus in Chapter 9, verse 23, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” Denying ourselves and taking up our cross daily implies an active lifestyle of saying no to our own desires and yes to His. It implies that some of those noes and yeses are pretty hard to say. What gives? Aren’t we supposed to be new creations [2 Corinthians 5:17]? Since Jesus went so far as dying on the cross for us and the Holy Spirit lives inside of us, why is this recovery thing so difficulty for many of us while it seems to be a cinch for others? After being a Christian since 1984, and getting serious about my recovery in 1999, I still don’t know why some people get instantly delivered. My struggle with unwanted same-sex attraction went on for a very long time. Actually, it’s still not totally gone, but it’s a small fraction of what it used to be. After all these years, I’ve come to trust Jesus more. I’ve come to see my continued temptations, at whatever level they’re currently at, as a reminder to deny myself, take up my cross, and seek Him for the grace to do His will. In that process, I’ve come to know and love the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in deeper ways than I could ever dream. The process is difficult at times. Sometimes it just plain stinks. But it is always worth it.
In Judges 3:1-4, we learn that the Lord intentionally left some of the enemies of Israel in the Promised Land to teach the younger generation how to fight. Battles do something important deep within our souls if we wear the armor of God [Ephesians 6:10-18] and fight them His way. Galatians 5:16 tells us to walk by the Spirit so we don’t fulfill the lusts of the flesh. Battling our addictions God’s way allows the fruits of the Spirit to grow in us; love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control [Galatians 5:22-23]. Verse 24 reads, “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”
Let’s be real here, it’s not a “one and done”. It’s a continual lifestyle. Remember, Jesus told us to take up our cross daily. We need to accept the reality that temptations are going to happen while we’re here on this earth, and that we will have to continue to fight them in whatever form those temptations come. This isn’t a popular message. The cultural voices will tell us it’s all good. All men watch porn. Everyone has sex before they’re married. Lots of sex… with whomever they want. Most secular organizations tell those struggling with unwanted same-sex attraction or transgender issues to embrace their “authentic selves” and stop letting the church brainwash them. If we follow that same line of thinking for other struggles and addictions, we would encourage the adulterer to keep cheating on his wife and the porn addict to keep looking at porn. Since there actually are genetic indicators for alcoholism and rage, let’s also tell the alcoholic to keep drinking and the rage-aholic to continue screaming at his kids. Of course, none of that makes any sense. We are called to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit and not the voice of the media, secular organizations, or pop culture.
Does all this mean that we can never overcome our temptations or addictions? That we’ll always be fighting this stuff as much as we are right now? Absolutely not! It is important to note that being tempted is not a sin. Giving into our temptations is. We may be in a fight against sin and addiction, but God gives us effective weapons. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 can give us much hope. It reads, “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 promises that, “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” God promises us an open door to run away from our temptations. We must resist the urge to nail that door shut. The challenge in our recovery is to look to the Lord for help. Through Him, we must reject our ungodly desires, deny ourselves, take up our cross, and use that door of escape.
We can take comfort in the fact that we have a high priest who understands our weaknesses and was tempted in every way we are [Hebrews 4:15-16]. He really does understand what it is like to be tempted and have to resist the pleasures of sin. Luke 4:13 reads, “When the devil had finished all this tempting, he left him [Jesus] until an opportune time.” We can learn something from this. We can expect temptations until the day we die. If Jesus, the sinless Son of God, had an “opportune time” to get hit with temptation, we who have engaged in sin – who learned to enjoy sin and made a habit of sin – will also have an “opportune time” for temptation. The good news is that during those times, we can “approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” [Hebrews 4:16]
What is your “opportune time”? When do you notice your temptations increasing beyond the typical levels? For many of us, times of high stress, loneliness, life transitions, and unmet expectations can cause our temptations to increase. Others find themselves getting triggered when things are going well. We either don’t think we deserve good things, or we’ve grown up waiting for the trauma that seems to be around every corner. We expect failure, so we might as well sabotage this now and get it over with. At any rate, the devil doesn’t remind us of the pain of our addictions. He reminds us of the pleasures, or at least the thought that we can numb our pain for a short while. The problem is, the price tag is much too high. Sin always brings new pain.
If you find yourself in a season of increased temptations, remember to work your recovery. Pray. Reach out to the Body of Christ for help. Reach out to your sponsor, your accountability partner, or your mentor. Ask yourself if you’ve become sloppy in your boundaries. Have you been in the Word? Have you taken enough time for self-care? Are you hanging out with people who encourage you in your recovery? Sometimes it just takes a few minor adjustments to overcome a wave of temptations. Other times, the Lord is calling you into a season of deeper recovery through a step-study, recovery group, or therapy.
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It also helps to look at your increased temptations like a warning light on the dashboard of your car. Are there deeper emotional triggers going on that the Lord wants to address? Triggers can often be an opportunity for increased healing. In times of increased temptations, ask the Holy Spirit to show you what triggered you and what emotions are under the trigger. Did something happen that caused you to feel rejected, inferior, shameful, fearful? As you understand the trigger and the emotions behind it, ask the Lord what’s going on in your heart. What wrong beliefs, desires, or strongholds are fueling the temptations? Once you understand what’s fueling the temptations, ask the Lord to show you what His holy solution is. Once you apply His holy solution, the temptations will usually dissipate. This process takes some practice, but as you learn to sit quietly with the Lord in your temptations and emotional pain, you’ll be amazed how He can meet you there to bring deeper healing that empowers you to resist the temptation.
This process has become one of my most valuable recovery tools. When I became the ministry director over twenty years ago, I was extremely insecure and felt like I had no idea what I was doing. Donations were scarce and I was afraid that I would be the one to crash this valuable ministry that had already been around for decades. I found myself getting hit with temptations to fantasize about aggressive homosexual encounters. I was confused. This was not my usual temptation. After wrestling with these temptations for about two weeks, I finally stopped fighting them in my own strength and sat with the Lord. I admitted the temptations I had been struggling with and asked Him what the root issue was. He reminded me of my insecurities in becoming the ministry director and how I was worried that I was not capable enough to successfully lead this ministry. He then showed me that I was somehow looking for a strong, masculine force to rescue me and save the day. He was right. The enemy was tempting me to sexualize my insecurities. I felt like I was in over my head, and I wanted someone to come in and rescue me. I repented for giving into my fear. I still didn’t know what I was going to do. I asked the Lord what His holy solution was. He showed me a picture of a strong, right arm. It wasn’t sensual. It was His righteous right arm and I saw a little mini-me tucked inside. The Father was carrying me. He said that He would be my strong, masculine force to empower me and show me how to do what He was calling me to do. His words calmed my heart. Within 15 minutes, the visual temptations I had been getting hit with for two weeks were gone. Sitting with the Lord in our emotional pain and temptations, identifying the root issues, and asking the Holy Spirit for His holy solution is a valuable recovery tool.
And now we come back to where this article started. If we want to follow Jesus, He is calling us to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him. He doesn’t guarantee us instant victory. He actually tells us that we will have trouble in this world. Life is painful at times. So is our addiction. Incredibly, Jesus does promise that He will receive everyone who comes to Him for help. He promises to never leave us or forsake us. He promises to give us a way to escape our temptations. He even promises to complete the work that He began in our hearts. When we consider the pain of our addictions and the blessings of following Christ, there is no viable option. Following Jesus, denying ourselves, and bearing the cross brings peace in the middle of the storm, true freedom on this earth, and eternal life surrounded by His love.
You can overcome sin. Call Reconciliation Ministries at 586.739.5114. We are here to walk with you to Jesus.
All Bible verses are from the New International Version. (2011). BibleGateway.com. http://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/#booklist
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