Recovery Scriptures - Dan Hitz

Dan Hitz is the director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in helping men and women overcome sexual brokenness, sexual abuse, and trauma. You can find more recovery articles and testimonies on the Reconciliation Ministries website at https://recmin.org/newsletter-archives.

This article presents a brief look at some Bible verses that are helpful in whatever recovery situation you may find yourself in. Of course, there are many more recovery verses that aren’t included in this newsletter. Let us know which verses are the most helpful to you in your own recovery, especially if they aren’t included in this newsletter. We might include them in a future newsletter. You can send them to us via email at info@recmin.org.

18 “The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because He has anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed; 19 to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord.” – Luke 4:18-19 NKJV

This is one my favorite recovery Scriptures. In the original language, the phrase “brokenhearted” means shards of glass like a broken mirror. Jesus knows that the trauma of life causes our hearts to break into pieces. The same part of our heart that is crying out for the Lord to deliver us from addiction and make us more like Him is not the same part of our heart sitting at our computer looking at porn. Jesus wants access to all the parts of our heart. He wants to heal the wounds that we’re trying to numb with sin. He wants to put the broken pieces back together.

 

9 Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, 10 or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people – none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. 11 Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. – 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 NLT

When I first got saved, I needed to know that the Lord could deliver me from homosexuality. I wanted to see evidence that someone in the Bible engaged in homosexual acts and was delivered. This verse offers 2000-year-old evidence that the Holy Spirit can forgive the sin of homosexuality, cleanse the person’s heart, and make them holy. The sins listed in these verses cover every one of us in one way or another, especially if we apply the principle that if we’ve looked at someone lustfully we’ve committed adultery in our hearts [Matthew 5:27-28]. There is hope for everyone.

“Come now, and let us reason together,” says the Lord, “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool. – Isaiah 1:18 NKJV

This is another one of my favorite verses. The sovereign Creator of the universe invites us to reason together with Him. Reasoning together implies disagreement. I don’t need to reason with someone whom I’m already in agreement with. The Lord wants us to share our hearts with Him as He shares His heart with us. As we do this, we begin to understand things more clearly. We become more like Him as He transforms our hearts and helps us to love what He loves and hate what He hates.

10 Who among you fears the Lord and obeys his servant? If you are walking in darkness, without a ray of light, trust in the Lord and rely on your God. 11 But watch out, you who live in your own light and warm yourselves by your own fires. This is the reward you will receive from me: you will soon fall down in great torment. – Isaiah 50:10-11 NLT

We all walk in the darkness of intense trials at different points in our lives. The Lord showed me this verse as I was walking through an extremely painful time of grief after the death of one of my sons. In the middle of that intense darkness, I was tempted to numb the pain through sin. The Holy Spirit spoke this verse to me as a gentle but firm warning. He acknowledged the painful darkness, and warned me not to try to light my own fire – not to try to escape the painful darkness by numbing the pain through sin. He invited me to come to Him for comfort. By His grace I was able to resist the temptation and let Him carry me through that terrible darkness.

I will give you the treasures of darkness and hidden riches of secret places, that you may know that I, the Lord, Who call you by your name, am the God of Israel. – Isaiah 45:3 NKJV

At the same time that the Lord warned me not to light my own fire in the darkness of grief, He gave me this verse. As we go to Him in our times of darkness, He holds us in His arms and shares intimate details of His heart with us. We can only learn these deep truths as we open our hearts to Him and trust Him to carry us in the darkness. I doubt any of us would willingly sign up for times of intense trials, but as we trust Him in those trials, the deep truths the Lord speaks to our hearts bring life that we can’t get in any other way.

8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. 10 For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. 11 And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation. –  Romans 5:8-11 NKJV

This verse shows us how powerful God’s love for us actually is. He is far from the angry father that is just waiting to clobber us if we make a mistake. Not only did the Father sacrifice His own Son to save us from Hell, He restored our relationship with Him. We can come to Him for help in our time of need. This verse implies that the same God who sacrificed His own Son while we were His enemies, will offer us even more grace for forgiveness and transformation after we’ve been redeemed.

1 My dear children, I am writing this to you so that you will not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father. He is Jesus Christ, the one who is truly righteous. 2 He himself is the sacrifice that atones for our sins – and not only our sins but the sins of all the world. – 1 John 2:1-2 NLT

Just as God the Father is for us in our struggles with sin, so is Jesus the Son. We have no hope in our own strength. We will likely fail many times in our recovery from addictive sin. All is not lost. Jesus paid the penalty for our sins, and brings our needs before the Father in Heaven.

8 If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. 9 But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. – 1 John 1:8-9 NLT

We all sin. God’s forgiveness requires us to be honest and confess our sins. The good news is that Jesus is merciful. Not only will He forgive our sins, He will continue to work in our hearts to cleanse us from our evil desires that lead us into sin. This process is called sanctification. It isn’t quick, but as we are faithful to be open and honest with the Lord, He will be faithful to transform our hearts and make us more like Him.

15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. – Hebrews 4:15-16 NIV

I wrote earlier that as a new Christian, I needed to know that there were people in the Bible that struggled with the same things I struggled with and got victory. I also wondered how Jesus, who lived a sinless life, could understand my struggles. These verses brought a sigh of relief. When I read that Jesus was tempted in every way we are, I realized that He understood my struggles. Jesus knew what it was like to be tempted to do the very same sinful things that held me captive. Even better, He never gave into those temptations. He knew how to be victorious. So often, shame causes us to hide during times of temptation. Jesus doesn’t shame us! He invites us to His throne in the middle of our temptations and equips us to live in victory.

12 I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service. 13 Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. 14 The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 15 Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst. 16 But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. – 1 Timothy 1:12-16 NIV

Paul, who calls himself “the worst of sinners”, was forgiven to demonstrate God’s mercy and grace. It may be easy to dismiss his conversion because Paul wrote that he “acted in ignorance and unbelief”. He truly believed that he was doing the right thing when he was persecuting Christians. When we engaged in our addictions, most of us knew full well that we were sinning and did what we did anyway. Maybe we even engaged in our addictions after we became Christians. In these situations, we can find comfort in the life of King David [2 Samuel 11]. Unlike Paul, David didn’t act in “ignorance and unbelief”. He knew he committed adultery with Bathsheba. When she became pregnant He willingly tried to cover up his sin by sending her husband, Uriah, home from battle to sleep with her. When that didn’t work, David had him killed. Although it’s true that David suffered many consequences for his sin, the Lord confronted him in a redemptive manner that brought him to repentance [2 Samuel 12]. In Acts 13:22, David is called a man after God’s own heart. If God was willing to forgive David for his terrible sins, He is willing to forgive us.

7 Soon a Samaritan woman came to draw water, and Jesus said to her, “Please give me a drink.”

13 Jesus replied, “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. 14 But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.”

28 The woman left her water jar beside the well and ran back to the village, telling everyone, 29 “Come and see a man who told me everything I ever did! Could he possibly be the Messiah?” 30 So the people came streaming from the village to see him. – John 4:7, 13-14, 28-30 NLT

One of my favorite examples of the Lord’s forgiveness and transformation is the woman at the well in John 4:1-42. This Samaritan woman had a bad reputation. She already went through five husbands and now she’s living with some other guy that she’s not even married to. According to historical tradition, she was shunned by the town and had to come to the well in the heat of the day when it would be deserted. Jesus wasn’t afraid to talk to her. Even his disciples were shocked to see Him talking to a Samaritan woman. Jesus didn’t condemn her. He confronted her sin in a way that drew her closer to the Father. She accepted His offer of Living Water and ran to evangelize her entire town. They knew what she used to be like, but somehow, her encounter with Jesus made her different. This woman’s transformed life brought many people to Jesus. We can bring others to Jesus as we share our testimony of how Jesus changed our lives.

10 Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?” 11 “No, Lord,” she said. And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.” – John 8:10-11 NLT

1 So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. 2 And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. – Romans 8:1-2 NLT

The devil loves to throw condemnation at us. Revelation 12:10 says that he accuses us before God day and night. Sometimes we feel the impact of those accusations and get hit with condemnation. It’s hard to walk confidently in our faith and tell others about Jesus when we feel like a loser. Jesus doesn’t condemn us. He sets us free to live for Him. Even though we stumble, we can confess our sin to Him and be cleansed. Just as He told the disciples to forgive seven times seventy times [Matthew 18:21-22], Jesus will forgive us.

6 [B]eing confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. – Philippians 1:6 NIV

Our struggles might go on much longer than we want them to, but someday we will have total victory if we keep walking with the Lord. His promise to complete the work that He started in our hearts goes far beyond our struggles with whatever addictive sin brought us into recovery. It includes learning to walk as a dearly beloved son or daughter of the Father as He transforms every area of our hearts. The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy; but Jesus came to bring us abundant life [John 10:10]. Nothing in our transformation process is wasted. As we grow in our faith, the Lord invites us to comfort others with the comfort that we’ve received from Him [2 Corinthians 1:4]. Recovery is worth the hard work!

Photos used courtesy of Unsplash.com. © 2026 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given.

“Sooner or later, we gotta start rowing again… umm… What do we do when we get to the shore?”

Thoughts that would have been going through Dan’s mind after Jesus told him to cross the lake with the other disciples, and a huge storm kicked up while he was in the middle of the lake. And Jesus? Oh yeah… He was sleeping in the back of the boat with His head on a pillow. When we woke Him up, He asked us why we were freaking out.

Referencing the disciples’ experiences in Mark 4:35-40

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For years I read Mark 4:35-40 and naively thought that after Jesus asked the disciples why they were freaking out that they just kind of shrugged the experience off and started rowing to the other side of the lake. In essence, I read that section of Scripture like they just must have thought, “That was weird,” shook their heads, and started rowing. Verse 41 didn’t register much at all. It reads, “The disciples were absolutely terrified. “Who is this man?” they asked each other. “Even the wind and waves obey him!” [NLT]

I wrote a newsletter article about Jesus being asleep during the storm back in 2011 entitled, “Teacher, Don’t You Care that We’re Going to Drown?”. That article covered our responses to the things that happened in our lives after the storm stops. It didn’t really cover what happens if the storm keeps going, or the point right when we’re confronted by the Lord in the middle of our storm. While I was recently passing through an intense emotional storm of my own, the Lord seemed to tap me on the shoulder and invite me to “get back in the boat and have a chat”. It was as if He brought me back to the moments after He calmed the storm in the middle of the lake and had a teaching moment with the disciples. He wasn’t mad that I was freaking out. He acknowledged that I was in crisis. A crisis that arose as I was following the instructions that He gave me. He was asking me to trust Him and to let Him work through the crisis to fix some broken parts of my heart. A process that could only happen as I sat with Him in the boat in the middle of the storm. That process isn’t fun. I wouldn’t have signed up for it. But it taught me a lot. Sometimes the Lord doesn’t calm the external storms in our lives. He wants to use the external storms to calm the internal storms in our soul. That process is painful, but it yields benefits both here on earth and in eternity.

That’s when I realized there was a whole lot more to the story than the disciples freaking out, waking Jesus up, Jesus telling them to take a chill pill, them shrugging their shoulders, and then just simply rowing the boat again. I finally started experiencing the verse 41 effect. That, “What on earth just happened?!!!” or that, “God, I’m obeying You and things are falling apart. What gives?” effect. As you read beyond the words of that verse and ponder what was going through their hearts, you can assume there must have been a significant time of emotional processing. I was at that point. I asked the Lord a lot of questions about the situation. “What did I do wrong?” “What did I do right?” “Why are You allowing me to be in this situation?” “Why don’t You seem to be fixing things?” “What am I supposed to do now?” “What do You want from me?” He answered some of those questions. He left others unanswered. Mainly, He was asking me to trust Him and let Him do everything that He wanted to do in the hearts of everyone involved. Those “conversations in the boat” took place over a few days. It was at the end of those conversations that I had to decide if I was going to start rowing again. In other words, I had to decide if I was going to accept His will and embrace the process – the situation – that He was asking me to embrace. By His grace I did.

Let’s face it. When we’re stuck in the boat in the middle of the lake, we don’t have many viable options. We can choose to jump out of the boat in the middle of the lake, but we’re too far away from the shore. We can choose to sit in the boat and continue to freak out. That won’t help. I gotta be honest here. I felt kind of trapped. Sometimes we truly are stuck in the middle of the lake. It is then that we have no real, viable option, but to surrender to the Lord, grab the oar, and start rowing again. By the way, while we’re rowing, those conversations with the Lord and our own internal processing continues.

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Sooner or later we reach the shore, and we realize that we aren’t trapped in the situation anymore. It is at that point that we’re faced with another decision. What do we do now? Do we keep following Jesus now that this current crisis has passed? What if He allows another storm? Do we stop trusting Him and look for another trail? I think every disciple of Christ has to face this decision multiple times in their lives. By the way, I’m not talking about completely walking away from Jesus and not being a Christian anymore. I’m talking about choosing between full surrender to Jesus and walking with Him on His path, or trying to forge our own path in life. I think we all know people who have made the decision to keep walking along the shore with Jesus, and those who decided to walk their own path. The fruit of those decisions isn’t always immediately obvious. Sometimes those who walk their own path look like they’re doing a whole lot better than those who walk with Jesus. Remember, we’re living for eternity. The end results of our decisions aren’t always obvious here on this earth.

Something else to keep in mind… life happens no matter what path we choose. Things don’t always get easier when we walk with Jesus. What happens when the disciples finally do reach the shore in Mark 5? They run right into a shrieking, demon possessed man in the Gerasene tombs. He was the guy they couldn’t even bind with chains because he kept breaking them and cutting himself. Adding to the commotion that day was about 2000 pigs running off a cliff, and the people watching the pigs who were freaking out and telling Jesus to leave. Something powerful must have happened in the hearts of the disciples through it all. They saw a terribly messed up man get delivered from a legion of demons. They saw a man who was demonic and crazy experience the power and love of the same Savior who woke up from His nap and calmed the storm. Their conversations with Him... Their internal wrestling… What they just witnessed as the choose to continue walking along the shore with Jesus… It all strengthened their resolve to fully surrender to the Lord. After that mighty deliverance, they all got back in the same boat with Him and went to the other side of the lake. I’m sure that they fully remembered what happened the last time they climbed into this boat with Jesus. Somehow, their experiences with Him yielded a deeper determination to follow Jesus wherever He asked them to go. The storm… the questioning… the decisions… it was all worth it.

Sometimes we need someone with an outside perspective to hear our hearts and walk with us to Jesus. If you’re struggling in a storm-tossed boat… If you’re sitting with your hands on the oars wondering what just happened… If you’re wondering what to do when you reach the shore… Reconciliation Ministries is here for you. We offer biblically based licensed professional counseling, mental health coaching, inner healing prayer, and so much more. Call us at 586.739.5114 and get the help you need.

Photo of man in boat used under license with Shutterstock.com. Photo of man on shore used from www.shutterstock.com.

© 2026 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given.

Working Your Recovery: Facing Temptation

Dan is the director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in helping men and women overcome unwanted LGBTQ issues, sexual abuse recovery, and trauma. He is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and began his journey out of homosexuality in 1984. This newsletter is adapted from a teaching he presented at Celebrate Recovery, Woodside - Troy on September 27, 2024.

“Lord, take these desires away…”
Pretty much all of us at one point or another.

Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.”
Luke 9:23 NIV

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“Lord, take these feelings away!” I think we’ve all prayed that at some point in our lives. Probably about the same time we’ve said for the umpteenth time, “I’m sick of this. I’ll never _____ again!” The problem is that we keep doing it again. We may have even heard testimonies from people who asked God to take their addiction away and He actually did. Instantly. “What’s with that?” “Why him and not me?” Fair question. I don’t know that answer to that. But I do know that those testimonies are about one in a million. They’re rare. Most of us have to fight and work our recovery for a very long time before we confidently start saying stuff like, “I used to be a _____,” or “I’m a former _____.” For most of us, recovery is a long process of learning to say no to our nagging desires, learning to follow Jesus, and learning to address some pretty painful emotional issues that fueled our addictions. Recovery isn’t fun, It’s a lot of work.

Luke quotes Jesus in Chapter 9, verse 23, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” Denying ourselves and taking up our cross daily implies an active lifestyle of saying no to our own desires and yes to His. It implies that some of those noes and yeses are pretty hard to say. What gives? Aren’t we supposed to be new creations [2 Corinthians 5:17]? Since Jesus went so far as dying on the cross for us and the Holy Spirit lives inside of us, why is this recovery thing so difficulty for many of us while it seems to be a cinch for others? After being a Christian since 1984, and getting serious about my recovery in 1999, I still don’t know why some people get instantly delivered. My struggle with unwanted same-sex attraction went on for a very long time. Actually, it’s still not totally gone, but it’s a small fraction of what it used to be. After all these years, I’ve come to trust Jesus more. I’ve come to see my continued temptations, at whatever level they’re currently at, as a reminder to deny myself, take up my cross, and seek Him for the grace to do His will. In that process, I’ve come to know and love the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in deeper ways than I could ever dream. The process is difficult at times. Sometimes it just plain stinks. But it is always worth it.

In Judges 3:1-4, we learn that the Lord intentionally left some of the enemies of Israel in the Promised Land to teach the younger generation how to fight. Battles do something important deep within our souls if we wear the armor of God [Ephesians 6:10-18] and fight them His way. Galatians 5:16 tells us to walk by the Spirit so we don’t fulfill the lusts of the flesh. Battling our addictions God’s way allows the fruits of the Spirit to grow in us; love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control [Galatians 5:22-23]. Verse 24 reads, “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”

Let’s be real here, it’s not a “one and done”. It’s a continual lifestyle. Remember, Jesus told us to take up our cross daily. We need to accept the reality that temptations are going to happen while we’re here on this earth, and that we will have to continue to fight them in whatever form those temptations come. This isn’t a popular message. The cultural voices will tell us it’s all good. All men watch porn. Everyone has sex before they’re married. Lots of sex… with whomever they want. Most secular organizations tell those struggling with unwanted same-sex attraction or transgender issues to embrace their “authentic selves” and stop letting the church brainwash them. If we follow that same line of thinking for other struggles and addictions, we would encourage the adulterer to keep cheating on his wife and the porn addict to keep looking at porn. Since there actually are genetic indicators for alcoholism and rage, let’s also tell the alcoholic to keep drinking and the rage-aholic to continue screaming at his kids. Of course, none of that makes any sense. We are called to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit and not the voice of the media, secular organizations, or pop culture.

Does all this mean that we can never overcome our temptations or addictions? That we’ll always be fighting this stuff as much as we are right now? Absolutely not! It is important to note that being tempted is not a sin. Giving into our temptations is. We may be in a fight against sin and addiction, but God gives us effective weapons. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 can give us much hope. It reads, “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 promises that, “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” God promises us an open door to run away from our temptations. We must resist the urge to nail that door shut. The challenge in our recovery is to look to the Lord for help. Through Him, we must reject our ungodly desires, deny ourselves, take up our cross, and use that door of escape.

We can take comfort in the fact that we have a high priest who understands our weaknesses and was tempted in every way we are [Hebrews 4:15-16]. He really does understand what it is like to be tempted and have to resist the pleasures of sin. Luke 4:13 reads, “When the devil had finished all this tempting, he left him [Jesus] until an opportune time.” We can learn something from this. We can expect temptations until the day we die. If Jesus, the sinless Son of God, had an “opportune time” to get hit with temptation, we who have engaged in sin – who learned to enjoy sin and made a habit of sin – will also have an “opportune time” for temptation. The good news is that during those times, we can “approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” [Hebrews 4:16]

What is your “opportune time”? When do you notice your temptations increasing beyond the typical levels? For many of us, times of high stress, loneliness, life transitions, and unmet expectations can cause our temptations to increase. Others find themselves getting triggered when things are going well. We either don’t think we deserve good things, or we’ve grown up waiting for the trauma that seems to be around every corner. We expect failure, so we might as well sabotage this now and get it over with. At any rate, the devil doesn’t remind us of the pain of our addictions. He reminds us of the pleasures, or at least the thought that we can numb our pain for a short while. The problem is, the price tag is much too high. Sin always brings new pain.

If you find yourself in a season of increased temptations, remember to work your recovery. Pray. Reach out to the Body of Christ for help. Reach out to your sponsor, your accountability partner, or your mentor. Ask yourself if you’ve become sloppy in your boundaries. Have you been in the Word? Have you taken enough time for self-care? Are you hanging out with people who encourage you in your recovery? Sometimes it just takes a few minor adjustments to overcome a wave of temptations. Other times, the Lord is calling you into a season of deeper recovery through a step-study, recovery group, or therapy.

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It also helps to look at your increased temptations like a warning light on the dashboard of your car. Are there deeper emotional triggers going on that the Lord wants to address? Triggers can often be an opportunity for increased healing. In times of increased temptations, ask the Holy Spirit to show you what triggered you and what emotions are under the trigger. Did something happen that caused you to feel rejected, inferior, shameful, fearful? As you understand the trigger and the emotions behind it, ask the Lord what’s going on in your heart. What wrong beliefs, desires, or strongholds are fueling the temptations? Once you understand what’s fueling the temptations, ask the Lord to show you what His holy solution is. Once you apply His holy solution, the temptations will usually dissipate. This process takes some practice, but as you learn to sit quietly with the Lord in your temptations and emotional pain, you’ll be amazed how He can meet you there to bring deeper healing that empowers you to resist the temptation.

This process has become one of my most valuable recovery tools. When I became the ministry director over twenty years ago, I was extremely insecure and felt like I had no idea what I was doing. Donations were scarce and I was afraid that I would be the one to crash this valuable ministry that had already been around for decades. I found myself getting hit with temptations to fantasize about aggressive homosexual encounters. I was confused. This was not my usual temptation. After wrestling with these temptations for about two weeks, I finally stopped fighting them in my own strength and sat with the Lord. I admitted the temptations I had been struggling with and asked Him what the root issue was. He reminded me of my insecurities in becoming the ministry director and how I was worried that I was not capable enough to successfully lead this ministry. He then showed me that I was somehow looking for a strong, masculine force to rescue me and save the day. He was right. The enemy was tempting me to sexualize my insecurities. I felt like I was in over my head, and I wanted someone to come in and rescue me. I repented for giving into my fear. I still didn’t know what I was going to do. I asked the Lord what His holy solution was. He showed me a picture of a strong, right arm. It wasn’t sensual. It was His righteous right arm and I saw a little mini-me tucked inside. The Father was carrying me. He said that He would be my strong, masculine force to empower me and show me how to do what He was calling me to do. His words calmed my heart. Within 15 minutes, the visual temptations I had been getting hit with for two weeks were gone. Sitting with the Lord in our emotional pain and temptations, identifying the root issues, and asking the Holy Spirit for His holy solution is a valuable recovery tool.

And now we come back to where this article started. If we want to follow Jesus, He is calling us to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him. He doesn’t guarantee us instant victory. He actually tells us that we will have trouble in this world. Life is painful at times. So is our addiction. Incredibly, Jesus does promise that He will receive everyone who comes to Him for help. He promises to never leave us or forsake us. He promises to give us a way to escape our temptations. He even promises to complete the work that He began in our hearts. When we consider the pain of our addictions and the blessings of following Christ, there is no viable option. Following Jesus, denying ourselves, and bearing the cross brings peace in the middle of the storm, true freedom on this earth, and eternal life surrounded by His love.

You can overcome sin. Call Reconciliation Ministries at 586.739.5114. We are here to walk with you to Jesus.

All Bible verses are from the New International Version. (2011). BibleGateway.com. http://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/#booklist

Photos licensed through www.shutterstock.com. © 2024 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given.

When My Mother and Father Forsake Me...

Dan Hitz is the Executive Director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, a member ministry of the Restored Hope Network dedicated to bringing freedom to men, women, and adolescents struggling with sexual and relationship issues.  For more information contact Reconciliation Ministries at 586.739.5114, or visit us on the web at www.recmin.org.

For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.

Psalm 139:13-14

Those verses were intended to give us comfort as we realize the great attention to detail that Lord used to lovingly put us together in our mother’s womb. For those of us who grew up in a dysfunctional family, those verses may bring up different emotions altogether. We may wonder why the Lord “chose to put us in that specific womb”. Far from feeling good about ourselves as the Lord’s creation, our negative upbringing can make us feel like damaged goods.

Erik Erikson is a developmental psychologist famous for identifying the stages of psychosocial development. His theory basically describes God’s intent for the role that parents and other significant people play in our emotional and social development. Unfortunately in this fallen world, not all of us have grown up with a healthy mother and father. Not all of us have gone through childhood and adolescence with a healthy connection to our peers. If that is the case in your life, the Lord can heal the emotional wounds inflicted through the things you have experienced. He can also heal the wounds you’ve endured because the nurturing and care that you were supposed to receive didn’t happen. Psalm 27:10 reads, “When my father and mother forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me.” God can heal the hurts in your heart and fill the emotional voids.

A brief exploration of God’s intended role for our parents and peers will help you understand where you need the Holy Spirit to touch your heart. Our relationship with our mother is the most important relationship that we have when we are born. Mothers are intended by God to give us a sense of being – a sense that it’s okay to be alive and that we have value. Mom’s nurture us. When we are hungry they feed us. When we mess our diapers, they change us. We learn from them that our lives are celebrated and that we will be well cared for.

After we learn to crawl and walk, we look beyond mother to our father. Fathers are intended by God to help us learn to explore the world and take the initiative to try new things. They are also designed by God to encourage us to grow into the identity and purpose that He created us to have. Dads empower us to become established in this world and succeed. Little girls learn what it means to be female through their mothers, while little boys learn what it means to be male from their fathers.

As we enter school, the next important relationships we have are with our same-gender peers. At this stage boys usually think girls have “cooties” and girls may think boys are a bit nasty. This is a normal stage of development. Little boys learn how to relate to other little boys as they interact and play together. It works the same for girls. We learn that we are a good and acceptable little boy or girl as we fit in well with other little boys or girls.

As we gain confidence in our own gender peer group, we then begin to reach out to the other gender and learn how to relate to them. Boys notice that the girls lose their cooties and are becoming attractive. Girls notice that the boys aren’t so nasty after all. Confidence in who we are as a person continues to grow as we establish healthy relationships with the opposite sex.

God intends our emotional and relational development to continue throughout our lives as we enter into committed relationships, begin our families, and relate to others in our community. Many of us have not had the ideal development and growth described in this article. A problem at any stage of development will create challenges in the future stages. Fortunately, the Lord has taken that into account and has made provision for our emotional healing on the cross. We can take comfort in the verse that was referenced earlier in this article which reads, “When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me.” When Jesus began His ministry, He read out of the book of Isaiah where it says, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because He has anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted…” (Luke 4:18-19). In the original language, the phrase “brokenhearted” refers to shards of glass like when you break a mirror. Jesus was saying that He was sent by the Father to heal the “shards of glass” – the fragments of our heart – from emotional trauma and neglect. We find in Jesus a loving Savior who is willing to hear our prayers, heal our emotional wounds, and fill the voids in our hearts with His presence.

If you’ve grown up without the kind of nurturing that God designed you to have, spend time in prayer and share your hurts with Him. Recognizing our areas of deep need is a first step in overcoming our mother and father wounds. Be honest about your pain. Ask Him to teach you to recognize His healing presence and to heal your heart. As you work through the various areas of need in your heart, you may recognize pockets of hidden anger. It is important for your own personal growth to learn to forgive those who have wounded you. Forgiveness is more for your sake, than for the sake of those who have offended you. Your offender may be totally unaware that he or she has wounded you, or he or she may actually be glad that you were wounded. We live in a very fallen world. Harboring anger and resentment will only serve to hinder you, keep you bound to your wounds, and give your offender the victory. Forgiveness sets you free. Ask the Lord to help you release your anger and resentment to Him and allow Him to deal with those who have hurt you. Your offender and your wounds will lose their power as you experience the healing power of Christ.

Sometimes when we are sinned against, we respond with sinful reactions. Ask the Lord to show you the areas in your own life where you have responded to your pain in sinful ways. When He does, repent and seek to make amends where appropriate. In walking away from our sin we find a deeper capacity to receive God’s love and walk in deeper relationships with others in the Body of Christ. In addition to friends, we all need others who are more mature than us and have journeyed successfully through some of life’s difficult pathways. Ask the Lord to send you a safe, Christian mentor to walk with you and help you in your journey. Your pastor, a recovery group, or the pastoral care department at your church may be a good place to start. No pastor or mentor can become the long-lost mother of father that you never had, but he or she can share his or her experience with you as you both walk towards Jesus together.

As you follow these steps in your journey, you will begin to experience the fulfillment of the verse, “When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me.” You will grow into a beautiful relationship with God the Father where He truly will fill the voids in your heart. He longs to become the safe, loving, nurturing parent that you have always wanted.

© Reconciliation Ministries 2014. This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as credit is given and no fee is charged.

When Your Spiritual Giant Falls

Dan Hitz is the director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in helping men and women overcome unwanted LGBTQ issues, sexual abuse recovery, and trauma. Dan is an ordained minister, EMDR trained, and a Clinically Certified Trauma Professional. He began his journey out of homosexuality in 1984.

Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man!”

2 Samuel 12:7a NIV

David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.”

2 Samuel 12:13a NIV

I can’t imagine what it must have been like to be living in Israel during the days before and after King David fell. Israel was victorious over all her enemies and the people prospered. They loved their king. How could the man who brought the ark of the covenant back to Jerusalem and instituted day and night worship be the same man that committed adultery with Bathsheba and killed her faithful warrior-husband to cover up his own sin? In the months that followed, David’s family fell into chaos with incest, murder, and his own son stealing the throne. The people wept as David fled Jerusalem with his head covered in shame (2 Samuel 15). David’s sins didn’t just hurt those he sinned against, they hurt those who looked to him for leadership.

Sound familiar? My heart has been heavy as many in the church have been weeping over the recent allegations of sexual misconduct by yet another man of God who appeared to accomplish much for the Kingdom. My heart is breaking for the brave souls who have shared their experiences of abuse, and so many others who have dedicated years of their lives serving the Lord in this organization. The fallout continues months after the first allegations were made public, and new allegations continue to be presented. The actions of the organization itself have been called into question.

Maybe you or someone you love has been affected by the moral failure of a trusted leader. It is important to give grace for the emotional turmoil you may be experiencing as you work though the emotional upheaval that these situations create. You may be sorting through the emotional rubble and trying to figure out which of the leader’s teachings are still valid, and what was influenced and/or corrupted by his or her sin. You may be asking yourself how you could have been so “stupid” as to not see through the perpetrator’s façade. You may be asking yourself why you I allowed yourself to ignore the red flags and warning signs that you or your friends noticed through the years. So many questions… How can a person that spends so many hours praying each day be so deceptive? How could someone look us in the face and preach holiness and devotion so effectively for years and be so steeped in sin? Give yourself grace. Those questions and feelings are normal in times of heartbreak and betrayal.

No matter what our leaders have done, Jesus is still faithful and true! Holiness is still important. Surrender to Christ is still important. Sexual purity is still important. Likely, much of what our fallen leaders have taught is correct. When Nehemiah went to Jerusalem to rebuild the city walls, he went out at night with a few trusted men and surveyed the broken-down walls. He had to take an honest look through the rubble to see what was still good, what needed to be repaired, and what things were so broken that they needed to be thrown out. He had to see what new materials had to be brought in. You may be in a similar situation. You’re standing in a pile of spiritual debris trying to figure out what is still good, what needs to be repaired, and what needs to be thrown out. I’ve been there. The process is excruciating, but it is essential. Done the right way, the process is redemptive.

You will likely have some challenges as you rebuild. You may be angry at God. Why didn’t He warn you about this person? Why did He let this sin go on for so many years? Why did He use such a sinful person to do such amazing things for the body of Christ? I’m not sure we can really come up with good answers to questions like this. I’m still trying to figure out why Jesus allowed Judas to be one of His disciples. Judas not only saw signs and wonders, he performed miracles himself. This same Judas ended up betraying Jesus with a kiss and turned Him over to those who would crucify Him. Surely, Jesus could have come up with a better plan for our salvation that didn’t involve betrayal by a trusted ministry leader. For some reason… He didn’t. Jesus knows what it is like to betrayed by a trusted ministry leader. He is our great high priest who can sympathize with our weaknesses (Hebrews 4:15). Instead of turning away from the Lord, hide away with Him. Seek His presence. Dig into the Bible. Pray. Even if the only prayer you can utter is, “God, help.”

Resist the urge to turn your heart off to other church members and leaders. As risky as it is, we still need each other. Maybe that’s why Hebrews 10:25 tells us not to neglect gathering together. Although we have been wounded by broken people in the body of Christ, much healing comes as we find healing through the grace and love of God expressed through His faithful people in the body of Christ. If you’ve lost the support of your faith community, give yourself some time to seek out a healthy community of believers. It is worth the risk. We need friends who can help us in our brokenness. Friends who can sit with us in our pain, listen to our hearts without judgement, and walk with us to Jesus. If we have been abused, we need the courage to tell our story to trustworthy people who can help us in our healing journey. Safe, godly people are out there.

Another challenge many of us face in the aftermath of the moral failure of a Christian leader is the temptation to give in to our own temptations. This may be especially true if the leader chose to give into the very temptations you are trying to fight. Maybe you used his teachings as an encouragement to pursue holiness, sexual purity, sobriety, or full surrender. Regardless of the leader’s decision to give in to his or her sin, holiness, sexual purity, sobriety, and full surrender are important pursuits. Do your best to live for Jesus, walk in humility, and do what is right. Don’t let bitterness lead you into sin.

Give yourself time. You may find yourself walking through the seven stages of the grief cycle – shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, and acceptance. Not everyone experiences all seven stages, and they aren’t necessarily linear. This is where a trusted friend and/or professional can help you. Keep in mind that your healing must be separate from the response of the perpetrator and independent from the response and actions of the organization. On a human level, their repentance and amends could potentially make our healing easier, but it isn’t essential. Sometimes perpetrators aren’t repentant and organizations don’t always do the right thing. Our healing does not come from the repentance of those who wounded us. Our healing comes from the Lord as we open our hearts to Him. Open your heart to the Lord and bring your pain to Him. He came to heal the broken hearted and set the captive free (Luke 4:18). He came to heal you.

Finally, resolve that no matter what anyone else does, you are going to seek God’s grace to love and follow Him with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength (Luke 10:27). Continue to develop a deeper relationship with Christ and walk towards your calling. He will complete the good work that He started in you.

This article only scratches the surface of the emotional toll and the healing process when we are wounded by a trusted leader. You can read more articles about healing from spiritual abuse and sexual abuse at https://recmin.org/newsletter-archives.

Photo of woman courtesy of Kevin Turcios via www.unsplash.com. Photo of man surveying tornado damage courtesy of Chandler Cruttenden via www.unsplash.com.
© 2024 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given.