The Road Less Traveled
/Tom and Donna Cole are co-directors of Pure Heart Ministries International. They have shared the message of God’s transforming love in over 43 nations. Tom started his ministry experience at Reconciliation Ministries and served as Executive Director from 1994 to 2003. They have four children and six grandchildren with another on the way!
And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.
1 Corinthians 6:11 NKJV
My life would take a dramatic turn in November of 1986. Before that day I was a deeply broken and lost man. I had been actively involved in the gay community in Detroit for seven years. I had secretly been involved sexually for the 7 years before that. And I was miserable. I thought if I just embraced who I really was, and give myself fully to it, I would find true happiness and fulfillment. My friends and family that knew about my homosexuality embraced me and accepted me. But deep down I was suicidal and miserable. I drank and did drugs regularly. I kept searching for the right man to love. But in that search I became sexually addicted as well.
Then in November of 1986 I was introduced to Jesus Christ through the precious witness of a woman I worked with. I went to church with her and her family and gave my life to Christ at the end of the service. I knew I was different from that moment on. Shame was broken off as I realized Jesus forgave my sins. But that was just the beginning of my journey. I would spend the next 6 years dealing with the root issues of my same-sex attraction. I was saved, but Jesus is all about transforming us into His image. And that takes time. In the midst of this process I met and became best friends with Donna, a former lesbian. Two years into that process we both realized that we had fallen in love. We married on Christmas Day of 1988. Does marriage heal homosexuality? Not even close. We both were still very broken in our first years of marriage and much healing would still need to occur for us to walk in victory over our brokenness.
God is faithful. If we lean into Him, and trust His ways, He will bring about our transformation. It may not be in the timeline that we desire. But He will change us in so many ways. I leaned into God and recognized that I was a weak man. In my weakness God became my strength. I did not overcome same sex issues in my own strength. I didn’t have strength to do anything. Slowly, but surely, I found my attractions diminishing. I began to see men the way God intended. I sought out deliverance, healing and godly counsel on this journey. I attended church services and worship nights. I read the Bible voraciously. I would spend hours in my room just worshipping Jesus. I built healthy friendships. I love that we get to partner with God in the process of sanctification! I also had to renew my mind. I had spent so many years focused on an unhealthy view of men. My mind was so polluted by my past. I memorized scriptures that dealt with temptation. I did deep studies in the Bible concerning His will for my sexuality. I read books and testimonies of others who had overcome. I joined with God in the process.
I honestly give all the glory and credit to God for the last 37 years of transformation. Is life hard sometimes? Absolutely! I’ve known grief intimately. I’ve battled temptation with God at my side. I’ve had conflict in my marriage, with my children and with friends. But I have always continued to lean into Christ through prayer, worship, solitude and through studying His word. I heard a worship song that said “If you don’t quit, you win”! Profound and true words! I think that is the key to true transformation.
My wife and I are coming to the Detroit area in July and will be sharing our testimonies at Great Lakes Church in Sterling Heights Sunday, July 23rd at 9:00 AM. Come and join us to hear us share our stories. We will also be doing a Pure Heart weekend conference July 28th and 29th in South Lyon. The weekend addresses the primary wounds we all have received in life. It’s a healing experience for everyone. This is not just about homosexuality. It’s for each and every one of us. Please come and join us, and bring a friend.
For more information about Pure Heart Ministries, visit them at www.pureheart.rest.
Photo of sunrise courtesy of www.unsplash.com.
Photo of Tom and Donna courtesy of www.pureheart.rest.
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