But I'm not who I used to be...

Dan Hitz is the director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in overcoming unwanted LGBTQ issues, sexual abuse recovery, and trauma. Dan is an ordained minister, EMDR trained, and a Clinically Certified Trauma Professional. He began his journey out of homosexuality in 1984.

What’s more, I am changing your name. It will no longer be Abram. Instead, you will be called Abraham, for you will be the father of many nations.

Genesis 17:5 NLT

There are times in Scripture when the Lord changes people’s names to reflect the work He is doing in their hearts. Their new name reflects their new identity. Sarai became Sarah. Jacob became Israel. Saul became Paul. There are others. These new names are a practical application of 2 Corinthians 5:17 NKJV, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” If you are in Christ, this includes you. You are a new creation. You have a new identity.

Walking this out is a process. There is tension as we live in the reality of justification, having the full righteousness of Christ applied to us through the grace and mercy of God, while living in the process of sanctification, experiencing the transformation process step by step in our lives. God no longer sees us as who we were. He sees us as He created us to be in Christ. I frequently tell my clients that our “old man”, our old sinful nature, has been crucified with Christ [Romans 6:6]; but he happens to be lying around the living room stinking the place up from time to time. Sometimes our old nature slips out and we end up acting or responding like we did in the past. This doesn’t negate the fact that we have the full righteousness of Christ. It doesn’t negate the fact that we are truly a new creation and that the old nature is gone by divine decree. However, it does illustrate the fact that sanctification is a process, and that we are learning to express our new nature more each day as we follow Christ.

One of the many challenges that many of us face in our recovery are the times when those close to us, those we hurt in the past, may continue to identify us by our old identity. It’s hard for them to see us as a new creation if they’re still recovering from the wounds we’ve inflicted on them. They may be afraid to drop their guard and trust that we are different out of fear that we will hurt them again. Sometimes we remind them of who we used to be just by being around them. It’s complicated.

During those times when people around us seem to identify us by our old name and nature, we need to remember to exercise patience and offer grace. Grace to those who were negatively affected by our behavior in the past. Grace to those who hold our old nature against us. And grace to ourselves as we continue our recovery and grow into our true identity in Christ. During those times it’s easy to get frustrated. We may even ponder giving up. Don’t. Take some time to step back and remind yourself of the new identity you have in Christ. Continue growing into the fullness of who God declares you to be. It is a process. May the Holy Spirit give you much grace in that process.

Photo of butterflies used under license with www.shutterstock.com.

© 2024 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given.

What Should I Do About My Regrets?

Dan Hitz is the director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in overcoming unwanted LGBTQ issues, sexual abuse recovery, and trauma. Dan is an ordained minister, EMDR trained, and a Clinically Certified Trauma Professional. He began his journey out of homosexuality in 1984.

Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin. So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death.
Romans 7:24-8:2 NIV

Many people say, “Live life with no regrets”. To a large degree I agree with this sentiment. We should live our lives for Christ and our behaviors and attitudes should be clear evidence of the transformational power of Jesus Christ working in our lives. However, if we’re honest with ourselves, none of us have lived our entire lives as a reflection of God’s glory. We’ve all made mistakes. We all have regrets.

We’ve all carved deep ruts in our lives. As Christians, the good news is that some of those ruts are more like virtues than ruts. The moment we come to Christ, we should start establishing deep, godly habits and patterns of true Christlikeness. Essentially, good ruts… lifestyles… virtues… Unfortunately, we also have ruts that have derailed us and have become deeply entrench negative habits and patterns. By the time we get sick of some negative ruts, we may have lived far more years of our lives than we have left. We may or may not have time to undo all of the consequences of the negative ruts while we’re still here on earth. Even if we do, it’s going to take us a lot of years and a lot of hard work to get out of the ruts. The consequences may linger.

I was at the bedside of a close family member a while ago as she passed into eternity. She knew Jesus. She had some beautiful virtues beyond that which I can ever hope to possess. She had a very difficult life. She was very faithful in some of the huge trials that came her way. She also had many huge, challenging ruts. Some through no fault of her own. Others were built slowly through years by making poor decisions. They were deep. They were pretty evident. They made parts of her life extremely difficult. Through the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ she is now resting in His arms, fully loved and fully forgiven. Her decades old ruts are now a thing of the past. She is now fully transformed.

Thinking about her life caused me to focus on some of my own ruts that I’ve been wrestling with for years. Today I’m still dealing with some of the negative patterns that were present all the way back to my childhood, and some that formed in my adolescence and early adulthood. When I gave my life to Jesus, He filled in some of those ruts supernaturally. Others, He allowed to remain. Some of the ones He left I tried to avoid. Others, I kept reinforcing even though I knew I shouldn’t. Years later, as the conviction and consequences became clearer, I began to repent and work to overcome those ruts. I’m not sure I have enough years left to fully overcome some of them this side of eternity.

These are the nations that the Lord left in the land to test those Israelites who had not experienced the wars of Canaan. He did this to teach warfare to generations of Israelites who had no experience in battle.
Judges 3:1-2 NLT

The consequences of ruts don’t usually go away overnight. Jesus takes some of the earthly consequences away, but He leaves just enough that I have to continue working to overcome the ruts. I don’t see Him leaving ruts and their effects as punishment. I see them as a wise and loving Savior teaching me things I refused to learn early on. I see Him empowering me to endure and walk through the natural consequences of my ruts, as he teaches me to lean on Him for wisdom and equipping. He leads us through the process of replacing the ruts with godly virtues. In this process, we grow deeper in relationship with our Heavenly Father, and the family of God that He sends to help us in our journey.

This gets us back to the thought of regrets. Even though I do believe that we should live our lives with no regrets. I also agree with something I heard on TV a few years ago. I forget exactly who said it, but when I heard the statement, “If you don’t have any regrets you haven’t learned anything”, something clicked in my heart. Yes. We should live our lives so that we don’t have any regrets, but none of us are perfect. We will make mistakes. That is what the cross is all about. It is during those times of true conviction, sometimes even realizing the consequences of our actions, that repentance happens and change occurs. We may regret the consequences of our actions and realize the cost of our poor decisions. That brings regret. Jesus is the one who can meet us in our regrets, cleanse us of our sin, and empower us to live differently.

Regrets can also inspire us to make amends; to apologize and try to correct our mistakes and heal the relationships with those we’ve hurt. As we think about reconciling our relationships, we need to proceed prayerfully, own our part of the situation, and allow the Lord to work in the hearts of those we apologize to. Sometimes the people we’ve offended aren’t in an emotional place for us to approach them. In cases like this, we need to prayerfully repent to the Lord and trust Him to work in their hearts in His timing.

But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin. If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.
1 John 1:7-9 NLT

The statement, “If you don’t have any regrets you haven’t learned anything,” touched my heart in another way. I used to struggle intensely with condemnation. I knew cognitively that Jesus cleansed me of my sin and forgave me, yet I was struggling to forgive myself. That statement refocused my thoughts on the truth that regrets mean that we realized what we did was wrong and wish we would have done something different. Going forward, we can learn how to be different… how to be better. Instead of focusing on the failure and condemnation, we need to focus on the fact that we’ve been redeemed and are being transformed. The Holy Spirit is teaching us how to live life differently. Regrets and condemnation aren’t a virtue. They are a sign that we need to acknowledge our ruts, turn to Christ, and ask Him to change our hearts.

In times of temptation, the fallout that remains from our ruts can be learning tools and reminders that what we’ve done in the past didn’t work. That can help us avoid giving into temptation. In the areas where we’re still experiencing the consequences of our ruts, we can ask the Lord for the grace to deal with our thorn in the flesh… even if we’re the ones who willingly stepped on the thorn. He is gracious. He will give us the strength to live each day for Him. He will give us the grace to overcome our ruts and regrets and turn them into virtues.

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.
Philippians 1:6 NLT

Photo of man courtesy of Karabo Mdluli via www.unsplash.com. Photo of woman courtesy of Getty Images via www.unsplash.com. © 2023 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given.

Loving Like Jesus

Dan Hitz is the director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in overcoming unwanted LGBTQ issues, sexual abuse recovery, and trauma. Dan is an ordained minister, EMDR trained, and a Clinically Certified Trauma Professional. He began his journey out of homosexuality in 1984.

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
John 13:35 NIV

Love is important. In Matthew 22:36-40, Jesus tells us that the “first and greatest commandment” is to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” He then tells us that the second commandment is to “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Living a life of love is extremely important to God.

Oddly enough, even most non-Christians would agree that showing love is pretty important. Both Christians and non-Christians may have problems living it out, but we know we’re supposed to. What is true love? Popular culture says we should show love by accepting everyone just as they are and celebrate their worldview and self-proclaimed identity. Essentially, celebrating “their truth”, and erasing their need to surrender their heart, mind, and soul to Jesus. I agree that we need to love those God puts in our lives whether we agree with them or not, but is accepting a misguided worldview and celebrating an identity that God didn’t give them really love? We aren’t showing true love unless we’re loving like Jesus loves.

How does Jesus show love? John 6:37 NIV reads, “All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away.” Jesus truly accepts everyone who comes to Him, right where they’re at. He accepted the Samaritan woman at the well in John 4. He accepted the woman caught in adultery in John 8 with the precious words, “Neither do I condemn you.” Jesus loves sacrificially. John 15:13 tells us that “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” Jesus showed His ultimate love for us when He willingly surrendered His life to those who would mock, torture, and murder Him. Jesus loves us enough to pay the ultimate price for our redemption and transformation. He truly accepts anyone who comes to Him, right where they’re at. Yet, He wants more for us. He wants our hearts. He wants our lives. He wants full surrender. He showed much grace and acceptance to the woman caught in adultery when he spoke the words, “Neither do I condemn you,” and yet He also said to her, “Leave your life of sin.” True love calls us out of sin, and into the fullness of what the Father has for us.

Jesus shows us our responsibility to surrender in John 14 as He tells the disciples that He will send them the Holy Spirit. First, He gives them the instructions, “If you love me, keep my commands. [14:15], and then He gives them the promise, “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever – the Spirit of truth.” [14:16-17a] After surrender comes the beautiful promise of the Holy Spirit, followed by Jesus’ deep expression of love and belonging as He shares with the disciples that He is the vine and they are the branches. [John 15:1-17] Jesus explains part of the transformation process, the “pruning” that comes with being a part of the vine. The promises of love and joy are wrapped up in calls to obedience and loving each other. He says in verse 14, “You are my friends if you do what I command.”

Obviously, this is a tall order. No one can keep God’s commands in their own strength. Jesus isn’t looking for Pharisaical legalism, He’s looking for a willing heart. He’s looking for those who will open their hearts to Him and allow Him to transform them into the sons and daughters of the Father that they were created to be. There is grace. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” [1 John 1:9 NIV] True love calls to us in our sin, accepts us, and calls us to forsake our sin. It empowers us to embrace our true identity in Him. Christ, who is true love, walked where we walk and understands us. “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” [Hebrews 4:15-16 NIV] As we surrender to Him, He will complete the work that He has begun in our hearts. [Philippians 1:6]

Photo of man in blue shirt used under license with www.shutterstock.com. Photo of recovery meeting courtesy of Adrianna Geo via www.unsplash.com. © 2023 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given.

Standing in Your True Identity in Christ - Dan Hitz

This article is inspired from Chapter Ten of the 1996 edition of the Living Waters Guidebook, “The Cross: Resurrecting the True Self” by Andrew Comiskey. You can find out more information about Living Waters at https://www.desertstream.org/#.  Dan Hitz is the director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.

 Then he [Jesus] asked them, “But who do you say I am?” Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” Jesus replied, “You are blessed, Simon son of John, because my Father in heaven has revealed this to you. You did not learn this from any human being. Now I say to you that you are Peter (which means ‘rock’) and upon this rock I will build my church, and all the powers of hell will not conquer it.
Matthew 16:15-18 NLT

God places a lot of importance on names… on identities... As you read through the entire conversation in Matthew 16, you’ll see that people were calling Jesus all sorts of things at that time. It’s interesting to note that Peter actually had the correct answer, and it was revealed to him by the Father in Heaven. He didn’t figure it out by human reasoning. Jesus followed up His affirmation of Peter by highlighting Peter’s own name and it’s meaning. He then reveals His plans for Peter and the Kingdom. When the Lord renames people in Scripture, it reflects the transformation that occurs in their hearts. Abram became Abraham, Sarai became Sarah, and Saul became Paul. When God speaks our names, He speaks our identities. When He speaks our identities, He speaks vision and calling.

Image used under license from www.shutterstock.com.

Who do you say that you are? More importantly, who does God say that you are? As Christians, if we answer that question theologically, the answer is pretty powerful. 1 Thessalonians 1:4 says we are loved by God and chosen. 1 Corinthians 6:11 says we are washed, justified, and sanctified. Romans 8:37 says we are more than conquerors. The list of our Biblical attributes and identities goes on and on. Unfortunately, if we listen to the pain in our hearts, our identities can be quite different. Just like the people in Jesus’ day called Him many things, people in our day have called us many things. Some of those names were nice… some not so nice. Sometimes those not so nice names come back at us years later when we answer the question of who we are from the pain in our hearts… looser… hopeless… unwanted… and a whole lot worse.

Where did those nasty names come from? Sometimes parents in a fit of rage give us labels that sink deep into our hearts… “You’ll never amount to anything!” “You’re dumber than a head of lettuce!” “You’re a tramp!” When words like these are spoken over us by our parents, they are written in indelible ink on our souls. Sometimes our peers label us. I’ve talked with people who were labeled “faggot” even before they knew what the word meant. It’s tough to grow up and not fit a typical gender stereotype. Rough and tumble girls and sensitive, artistic boys can carry a lot of hurtful labels given to them by neighborhood kids who didn’t give them a second thought.

Sometimes labels come from the shame in our own hearts. As a small child, I didn’t realize that my body was built to respond to touch. My nerve endings didn’t know if my abusers’ touch was wanted or unwanted. I hated myself when my body responded to that touch. I carried the label of “disgusting little pervert” for years. Sometimes we’ve actually done perverted things by choice as an adult, yet even as a repentant Christian we still carry that label. Many of us in recovery gladly tell others in our small groups that they are new creations in Christ and that their old nature is gone (2 Corinthians 5:17), but when we listen to the condemnation in our own hearts, it’s quite a different story. Even after walking with Jesus for years, we may still wrestle with some pretty nasty identities. Some of them I hesitate to even print in this newsletter. But we hear them in our hearts. We might even say them out loud when no one’s around. We wonder if we’re the exception to that new creation in Christ verse. After all, if I’m a new creation, why am I still struggling?

This brings us back to our need to be defined by the Father. We need a supernatural revelation of who we are in Christ. We need the voice of the Father to speak louder than the pain in our hearts. We need to live the truth of Galatians 2:20 NIV that declares, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” We aren’t defined by our old, fallen nature anymore. We are defined by Christ. That applies even if we’ve sinned after coming to Christ. It is then that we take refuge in 1 John 1:9 NIV, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” Jesus doesn’t identify us by our fallen nature. He identifies us as who we are in Him.

So how do we sincerely lay down our old identities and fully embrace our true identities in Christ? We need to take some time to get quiet with the Father and open our hearts to Him. The thought of getting quiet with God about how He sees us might sound frightening. Remember, He knew everything about us before we even came to Him. He won’t reject us. He knows everything about us and still loves us. Find peace in the truth, “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8b NIV).

Understand that Jesus took the full weight of our sin and shame on Himself when he was crucified on the cross. His death and resurrection are infinitely more powerful than our sin. Not just for our salvation, but for our transformation into mature sons and daughters of the Father. 2 Corinthians 5:21 tells us that Jesus, who had no sin, become sin for us, so that we can be transformed into the righteousness of God. Romans 6 tells us that our old, sinful natures were crucified with Christ, and that Christ now lives in us. We have Jesus’ righteousness alive and powerful in us. That is who the Father sees when He looks at us. It is time to seek God in prayer to make this truth come alive in the depths of our hearts.

At the very beginning of our walk, the Lord called us to admit who we were in our human brokenness and accept the fact that we couldn’t save ourselves. We surrendered our old lives and natures to Him and received new natures and identities in Him. The more we focus on our true identity, the easier it will be to leave our old identity and behaviors at the cross. When we sin after coming to Christ, it doesn’t erase our God-given identity. It is at those times that we go to the cross, confess our sins, and stand as blood washed sons and daughters of the Father. We are identified by Him, and we stand in our true identity as redeemed and beloved sons and daughters.

Spend some time in prayer to specifically focus on the shame in your heart. Identify the shameful labels – identities – that you are wrestling with. Then offer them up to the Father and ask Him to show you the identity that He gives you. We can participate in Revelation 2:17b NIV right now while we’re still in process. “To the one who is victorious, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give that person a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to the one who receives it.” We’ve shared this message in small groups and ministry times for years. It is amazing to hear the shameful identities that people have laid down at the cross, and the holy identities they have received from the Father. We give each person a white stone as a remembrance of their true identity in Christ. I’ll never forget when a man came up to me quite a while after I shared this message. He told me how he was still carrying the white stone in his pocket as a reminder of his true identity in Christ. His heart was revived as he embraced the truth of who he is in Christ. It’s time for you to lay down your false identity and embrace your true identity in Christ. Who does God say that you are?

© 2022 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given.