A Mother on Her Knees

Cassie has been a precious friend of Reconciliation Ministries for many years. She and her husband, Larry, serve on the Reconciliation Ministries Living Waters team, and coordinate a second Living Waters program in Lake Orion. Cassie has experienced the depths of despair, and the great love of our Heavenly Father. Her life is a wonderful testimony of the grace, redemption, and transformational power of Jesus Christ.

“I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”
Ezekiel 36:25-26 NIV

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At sixteen years old, I did not feel ready to be a mother, but the thought of abortion never crossed my mind. I knew that couples with empty arms would want to adopt and love my baby.

I was more than 2,300 miles from home and cut off from things like family, love, and security. I did not know who the father might be, but it was comforting to imagine my baby’s wonderful new family. I was trapped in the world of sex trafficking and knew that I had nothing good to offer, except a chance at love, far away from me.

I told my pimp that I was pregnant, certain that he would agree with my plan. His words surprised me: “Get rid of it.” The argument for my little one escalated into violence, and I agreed to abort. Yet, I had no intention to follow through with it. He had promised to kill my family if I ever left him, but I had to take the chance that it was an idol threat. I was certain that a church could help.

My childhood had been filled with wonderful memories of pastors and church members ever present at difficult, joy filled, and in between times. I passed several each day as I worked the streets, and with great hope, I entered one. I thought aloud, “Now, I can have my baby, leave this horrible life, and maybe even return home with a pastor’s help.” I was shaking with fear, relief, excitement, and the most courage I had been able to muster in a long time.

I was not really prepared for the answer I received. It was quite the same at three churches. They could not help. My pimp had told me that I was completely unlovable, even by God, and the same was true for my baby. It was crushing to think that this might be true.

I returned, telling him that I had the abortion, but I secretly waited and hoped for another way out. At 5½ months, he saw that I was still pregnant. He threw me down and stomped my little baby with his boot, then he took me to a late term abortion clinic to finish the job.

The sorrow that came over me after that is difficult to describe. I could not speak. I just wept for days. The sadness was so heavy that I felt that if I slept, I would never wake up. The cruelty of my owner and my inconsolable grief prompted a drug dealer and some other prostitutes, that I knew, to arrange my escape. Their kindness could not make my tears stop. From that time on, I identified as a dead soul.

One year later, I was pregnant again. This time was different. I was home with my family, and I knew who the father was. He, too, insisted on abortion and another argument turned violent, but by this time I did not really care. It was as if the mother heart that God had given me was really dead. I had every opportunity to save this baby, but I did not. People offered me generous help and support. Even my mother, suspecting that I was pregnant, reached out with a plea for life. My soul seemed dead, indeed, and my body, still a grave. No tears for this little one.

My healing journey was not intentional, but my Heavenly Father arranged for it just the same. I no longer called on Him, or had any hope of a walk with Him, but He still fought for me. It started with unexpected tears. Not long after the second abortion, a new mother invited me to a church event. She handed her baby to me so she could use the restroom. She returned several minutes later to take the baby. Tears kept falling for a number of days after that. I could not say why. I decided that I must not like babies.

A few years later my husband and I were hoping to start a family. The two unsuccessful months brought such unbearable sorrow, rage, and a fear that I would not ever conceive. My older sister came into town to stay with me because I was so sad. I would have never imagined that this deep sorrow had anything to do with my abortions.

We were soon thrilled with a positive pregnancy test. While I maintained a vehement “pro-choice” position, I looked forward to motherhood. I had no idea that God had planned to remove my heart of stone and give me a new heart. I also could not have known how much this would hurt.

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In the Spring of 1988, everything would change. We were so very blessed with a healthy son. When the doctor laid him in my arms, all I could say is, “Oh, my God, what have I done?” I said this over and over, as I looked at this precious new life, realizing that I could have aborted him too.

In desperation, I called a cousin of mine from my hospital bed. He was one of those “terrible pro-lifers” that I argued with. I asked him to please help me because I did not know what to do. He put me to work in the pro-life movement, which seemed to me like a good way to try to “work-off” what I had done.

Yet, it was not long before I came across pictures of what abortion actually looks like. I also learned early that all the work, even in the pro-life movement, did not remedy what ached in my heart. I wanted to die in the most brutal and violent way. After confronting the reality of abortion, I lost hope again and could not face God. I could not even pray.

Two beautiful pro-life women that I met reached out to me, explaining that they, too, were post-abortion mothers. They were leaders in a healing ministry that dealt with this. The fact that I did not pray did not matter to them, because they were women of deep faith and prayer.

When Jesus saw their faith, He said to the paralytic,
“My son, your sins are forgiven.”
Mark 2:5 MOUNCE

Cassie shines brightly for Jesus and helps othes experience His merciful healing.

The Heavenly Father had been making a way for me. These women walked with me and showed me the power of prayer. During this season I found forgiveness, healing, and reconciliation with God. I also joined my husband’s church, which still blesses me.

Two years later, my older sister lost her first baby to miscarriage and her second to full term still birth. She wanted me to come and stay with her. I still had some shame when I thought about how differently each of our first two children died. I went anyway, because she needed me, but I could not imagine why. While I was there, she told me that she knew that I could understand her grief because she saw what I went through. She desperately needed what God had done for me, so we prayed, and we waited.

Again, He was faithful in bringing good out of unspeakable sorrow, restoring joy, and giving peace that passes all understanding. Many years, many children, and many grandchildren later, His loving presence remains.

For mothers, fathers, and any loved ones who grieve the loss of a child through abortion, He loves you.

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
Psalm 34:18 ESV

Call on Him. He answers with a love that changes everything.

If you or someone you love is experiencing the pain of abortion, reach out to Reconciliation Ministries for help. Call us today at 586.739.5114. Let us walk with you to Jesus.

Photos of sad girl and woman with newborn used under license with www.shutterstock.com.

© 2024 Cassie Giroux. This article was printed with the express permission of Cassie Giroux

Love Is The Answer

This newsletter was originally written by Dan Hitz for The MST Project’s Real Men Pursuing Purity Event 40 devotional booklet, The Path to Holiness, in February 2024. The MST Project is a Christian ministry committed to helping every man realize his full potential. MST stands for "Mentoring Men, Strengthening Marriages, Teaching Truth." The MST Project was founded by Christian Lenty and is an international ministry headquartered in Bangkok, Thailand. You can learn more about the MST Project at https://themstproject.com.

 “There was a certain creditor who had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. And when they had nothing with which to repay, he freely forgave them both. Tell Me, therefore, which of them will love him more?”

Simon answered and said, “I suppose the one whom he forgave more.”

And He said to him, “You have rightly judged.”

Luke 7:41-43 NKJV

“The assurance of His total forgiveness of our sins through the blood of Christ means we don't have to play defensive games anymore. We don't have to rationalize and excuse our sins. We can call sin exactly what it is, regardless of how ugly and shameful it may be, because we know that Jesus bore that sin in His body on the cross.”

Jerry Bridges, The Navigators

If you’re reading this devotional it’s likely that you’ve been forgiven for a lot of bad things that have caused you much shame. The good news is that even when we were living a sinful life, God showed how much He loves us by sending His son, Jesus, to take the punishment that we deserved. (Romans 5:8) When we come to Him in repentance, He takes away our sin and invites us to live our lives in relationship with Him. He offers us the joy, peace, and fulfillment that we were looking for all along. His offer of forgiveness continues as we learn to live in relationship with Him and overcome our sin day by day. (Romans 5:1-11) The more we realize how much He has forgiven us, the more our love for Him grows. (Luke 7:36-50)

Through relationship with Jesus, we realize that the sinful things that we once thought were so valuable actually have no value. Even though our sexual sins may have felt very powerful, they actually robbed us of our strength. They put us into spiritual debt. When we turn away from our sins and ask Jesus for forgiveness, He forgives our debts and teaches us to value His ways. In relationship, He asks us to surrender the worthless things that caused us shame, and gives us things of great eternal value in their place. His love for us empowers us far more than the destructive false love of sexual sin cripples us.

Focusing on the love of Jesus and the better gifts He offers us helps us resist sin. A while ago I was looking at social media as I was getting ready to fall asleep. Temptation hit. I had a choice to make. I could surrender to the offer of a lesser pleasure that would give an immediate powerful payoff, but would bring shame and guilt; or I could look to Jesus who truly loves me and offers a much better reward for surrendering to Him. Thankfully I chose to forsake the shameful offering of sin, and embrace the Lord’s offering of peace. It was my love for Jesus and the desire to live for Him that helped me forsake sin. I got off of social media, turned on some audio Bible verses, and went to sleep. I woke the next morning to a wonderfully intimate prayer time with Jesus and could sense Him sharing powerful spiritual insights. Jesus’ love for me and my love for Him helped me turn away from the lesser action of sin and turn towards His wonderful gift of sexual purity and emotional peace. His love can help you too.

It is so much easier to walk away from something if you know what you are walking toward. Ask the Lord to help you understand His love for you and His goals for your life. As your love for Him grows, your appreciation of the value of His gifts will grow too. Focus on these things during your times of temptation. God’s love and His gifts are far more powerful than the destructive pleasure of sin.

1. Can you fully receive the love and forgiveness that Jesus offers you, or do you struggle with condemnation?

2. What has your sexual sin cost you emotionally, relationally, and experientially?

3. What has Jesus offered you in exchange for your sin?

Dan Hitz is the Executive Director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan. He is an ordained minister and licensed professional counselor specializing in helping people overcome sexual brokenness, sexual abuse, and trauma. Dan has been in the ministry for over thirty years and lives with his wife, Marianne, in Metro Detroit, Michigan, USA.

Photo of man in grey hoodie courtesy of Guillaume Issaly via www.unsplash.com.

© 2024 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given.

What is the MST Project?

Christian Lenty is the founder and director of The MST Project, a ministry that seeks to mentor men into a pursuit of sexual purity and greater wholeness. Christian has lived and worked in Thailand for over 22 years and resides in Bangkok with his wife. This information was taken from https://themstproject.com/about/ and reprinted with permission.

MST stands for "Mentoring Men, Strengthening Marriages, Teaching Truth." As a ministry, we seek to support men everywhere through our three initiatives, On The Street, Pathway to Purity, and Real Men Pursuing Purity. And through these three initiatives, we advocate for men pursuing purity, Biblically healthy marriages, loving and caring families, and an unwavering commitment to the truth.

The MST Project focuses on three primary initiatives: On the Street ministers to men who visit red-light districts through sidewalk conversations, 1-on-1 meetings, and online resources. Pathway to Purity provides 1-on-1 mentorship, weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly accountability, and online resources. Real Men Pursuing Purity hosts quarterly events, provides weekly connect groups and online resources. Please refer to each specific ministry page for a comprehensive overview of each of our initiatives.

We believe that God's love, mercy, and grace is for all men, in all places, and at all times. We view all men as the fathers, brothers, and sons they are and whom God cares deeply about. (Genesis 2:7, 2 Peter 3:9) All people deal with issues, but not everyone has someone to help them overcome those issues. Our heart is to be that support for men wanting to make changes in their life.

When a man invites us to be a part of his life and the struggles he is encountering, we don't run away. We listen, we offer hope, we provide practical guidance, and we share the truth. Our care for men is best demonstrated by our commitment to men.

Visit https://themstproject.com/ to learn more about online resources and support.

© 2024 The MST Project. Reprinted with permission.

Standing in Your True Identity in Christ - Dan Hitz

This article is inspired from Chapter Ten of the 1996 edition of the Living Waters Guidebook, “The Cross: Resurrecting the True Self” by Andrew Comiskey. You can find out more information about Living Waters at https://www.desertstream.org/#.  Dan Hitz is the director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.

 Then he [Jesus] asked them, “But who do you say I am?” Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” Jesus replied, “You are blessed, Simon son of John, because my Father in heaven has revealed this to you. You did not learn this from any human being. Now I say to you that you are Peter (which means ‘rock’) and upon this rock I will build my church, and all the powers of hell will not conquer it.
Matthew 16:15-18 NLT

God places a lot of importance on names… on identities... As you read through the entire conversation in Matthew 16, you’ll see that people were calling Jesus all sorts of things at that time. It’s interesting to note that Peter actually had the correct answer, and it was revealed to him by the Father in Heaven. He didn’t figure it out by human reasoning. Jesus followed up His affirmation of Peter by highlighting Peter’s own name and it’s meaning. He then reveals His plans for Peter and the Kingdom. When the Lord renames people in Scripture, it reflects the transformation that occurs in their hearts. Abram became Abraham, Sarai became Sarah, and Saul became Paul. When God speaks our names, He speaks our identities. When He speaks our identities, He speaks vision and calling.

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Who do you say that you are? More importantly, who does God say that you are? As Christians, if we answer that question theologically, the answer is pretty powerful. 1 Thessalonians 1:4 says we are loved by God and chosen. 1 Corinthians 6:11 says we are washed, justified, and sanctified. Romans 8:37 says we are more than conquerors. The list of our Biblical attributes and identities goes on and on. Unfortunately, if we listen to the pain in our hearts, our identities can be quite different. Just like the people in Jesus’ day called Him many things, people in our day have called us many things. Some of those names were nice… some not so nice. Sometimes those not so nice names come back at us years later when we answer the question of who we are from the pain in our hearts… looser… hopeless… unwanted… and a whole lot worse.

Where did those nasty names come from? Sometimes parents in a fit of rage give us labels that sink deep into our hearts… “You’ll never amount to anything!” “You’re dumber than a head of lettuce!” “You’re a tramp!” When words like these are spoken over us by our parents, they are written in indelible ink on our souls. Sometimes our peers label us. I’ve talked with people who were labeled “faggot” even before they knew what the word meant. It’s tough to grow up and not fit a typical gender stereotype. Rough and tumble girls and sensitive, artistic boys can carry a lot of hurtful labels given to them by neighborhood kids who didn’t give them a second thought.

Sometimes labels come from the shame in our own hearts. As a small child, I didn’t realize that my body was built to respond to touch. My nerve endings didn’t know if my abusers’ touch was wanted or unwanted. I hated myself when my body responded to that touch. I carried the label of “disgusting little pervert” for years. Sometimes we’ve actually done perverted things by choice as an adult, yet even as a repentant Christian we still carry that label. Many of us in recovery gladly tell others in our small groups that they are new creations in Christ and that their old nature is gone (2 Corinthians 5:17), but when we listen to the condemnation in our own hearts, it’s quite a different story. Even after walking with Jesus for years, we may still wrestle with some pretty nasty identities. Some of them I hesitate to even print in this newsletter. But we hear them in our hearts. We might even say them out loud when no one’s around. We wonder if we’re the exception to that new creation in Christ verse. After all, if I’m a new creation, why am I still struggling?

This brings us back to our need to be defined by the Father. We need a supernatural revelation of who we are in Christ. We need the voice of the Father to speak louder than the pain in our hearts. We need to live the truth of Galatians 2:20 NIV that declares, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” We aren’t defined by our old, fallen nature anymore. We are defined by Christ. That applies even if we’ve sinned after coming to Christ. It is then that we take refuge in 1 John 1:9 NIV, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” Jesus doesn’t identify us by our fallen nature. He identifies us as who we are in Him.

So how do we sincerely lay down our old identities and fully embrace our true identities in Christ? We need to take some time to get quiet with the Father and open our hearts to Him. The thought of getting quiet with God about how He sees us might sound frightening. Remember, He knew everything about us before we even came to Him. He won’t reject us. He knows everything about us and still loves us. Find peace in the truth, “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8b NIV).

Understand that Jesus took the full weight of our sin and shame on Himself when he was crucified on the cross. His death and resurrection are infinitely more powerful than our sin. Not just for our salvation, but for our transformation into mature sons and daughters of the Father. 2 Corinthians 5:21 tells us that Jesus, who had no sin, become sin for us, so that we can be transformed into the righteousness of God. Romans 6 tells us that our old, sinful natures were crucified with Christ, and that Christ now lives in us. We have Jesus’ righteousness alive and powerful in us. That is who the Father sees when He looks at us. It is time to seek God in prayer to make this truth come alive in the depths of our hearts.

At the very beginning of our walk, the Lord called us to admit who we were in our human brokenness and accept the fact that we couldn’t save ourselves. We surrendered our old lives and natures to Him and received new natures and identities in Him. The more we focus on our true identity, the easier it will be to leave our old identity and behaviors at the cross. When we sin after coming to Christ, it doesn’t erase our God-given identity. It is at those times that we go to the cross, confess our sins, and stand as blood washed sons and daughters of the Father. We are identified by Him, and we stand in our true identity as redeemed and beloved sons and daughters.

Spend some time in prayer to specifically focus on the shame in your heart. Identify the shameful labels – identities – that you are wrestling with. Then offer them up to the Father and ask Him to show you the identity that He gives you. We can participate in Revelation 2:17b NIV right now while we’re still in process. “To the one who is victorious, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give that person a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to the one who receives it.” We’ve shared this message in small groups and ministry times for years. It is amazing to hear the shameful identities that people have laid down at the cross, and the holy identities they have received from the Father. We give each person a white stone as a remembrance of their true identity in Christ. I’ll never forget when a man came up to me quite a while after I shared this message. He told me how he was still carrying the white stone in his pocket as a reminder of his true identity in Christ. His heart was revived as he embraced the truth of who he is in Christ. It’s time for you to lay down your false identity and embrace your true identity in Christ. Who does God say that you are?

© 2022 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given.