A Chapter from My Book

Joan Webb is a valuable member of the Reconciliation Ministries leadership team, where she serves as a Mental Health Coach, Prayer Minister, Living Waters Coordinator, and much more. She joined the leadership team in 2006. Her passion for this ministry work has come from her own process of healing from childhood emotional neglect, domestic violence, sexual assault and relational challenges. Her understanding of dependency on the Lord to heal the deep wounds of this life is the foundational message Joan brings to those seeking help and hope.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV

Our lives are like a book being written over time; chapter upon chapter until the last chapter and THE END.  If I can simplify how it’s like a book (or a movie), there’s a thesis, a body and a conclusion.  Ah, but there’s so much within it’s pages (or script)!  It has themes that run through it, a protagonist, an antagonist and many contributing characters.  Sometimes the Lord invites me to examine or explore chapters in my life…the past and those currently being written.  I’ve learned He’s at the center of my growing story; He’s the author and perfector of my faith!   The Lord reveals the relationship with His created people so well in Psalm 139: 2-6; 15-16 ESV.

“O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.  You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it…My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed substance in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

These words catapulted my healing journey forward, leaping off the page and leaving me undone.  They still do.

I can look back and remember with clarity how the Lord moved in one of the most difficult chapters of my life.  The assaults to my heart, mind and soul were relentless; I could not see what needed care in the moment, let alone the care needed from my past.  It was all in my “safe box” where I learned to keep all the pain.  In my Heavenly Father’s providence and mercy, He allowed the “safe box” to overflow over time and to finally blow its lid.  A kindness.

I met one of my dearest friends at a ministry event.  I realized how the Lord brings people together in providential ways.  As our friendship grew in Christian intimacy, I began to share many of the sources of pain I carried.   I shared how I had experienced PTSD episodes on a few occasions (evidence my “safe box” lid was malfunctioning).  I felt intense humiliation when the “I’m fine” exterior strength clashed with the reality of weakness as I was hyperventilating, sobbing and re-living past violence on the floor of a restaurant restroom.  An uninvited trigger took me to past chapters against my will.  I’m not a fan of re-runs.  It happened after multiple deaths in a short amount of time:  my grandpa (heart failure), my uncle (cancer), my mom (cancer), my friend from small group (lung/heart transplant), my friend from church (epilepsy), my close neighbor (suicide), a husband and wife in an accountability group (homicide/suicide) and my cousin (overdose).  All this grief, along with other relational challenges, left my traumatized soul on overload.  My friend suggested I attend a program called Living Waters.  At the time I was just going through the motions of everyday life.  Short of the occasional PTSD episode, I thought I was managing my life responsibilities and relationships pretty well.  She saw needs I couldn’t see through my survival lenses.  She persisted in her invitations…gentle, loving and accepting for four years!  I finally attended Living Waters in 2006.

My first year as a participant opened my eyes to the truth that I really did matter; I never really thought much about my worth.  I existed, I contributed, I was nice enough, I loved the best I could…was there more?   The intriguing part of the Living Waters journey was the balance between growing in the truth that I was a good gift, and simultaneously discovering the depth of my many weak and broken parts needing God’s merciful forgiveness.  Out of my pain and gaping wounds, I learned to live less than the good my Creator intended.   To admit that out of my fear, illegitimate coping and tendency to self-protect, my reactions were just as offensive as what was done to me.  My heart was divided; bitterness, hatred and anger toward my wounders, yet love for Jesus and His people.  I learned I could not serve two masters.  I was challenged as the hard edges were painfully exposed and chiseled away.   Hebrews 4:12b-13 often convicted me; describing the word of God it says, “it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.  Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight.  Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give an account.”  Clean up on aisle ME was needed.  I didn’t open my clenched fists so easily, but once I took that courageous step it was like the floodgates of freedom opened up!  Pain brought me to my knees, and for once they truly bent before the cross.  That changed everything. 

In my current chapter, I have plenty of opportunities to apply what the Lord has shown me and continues to show me.  I don’t keep these life changing revelations to myself; gifts from God are always meant to be shared.  I keep my heart and mind open to other contributing characters willing to share what I still need.  The antagonist of my soul has not yet been written off.  The developing thesis is dependency on my Heavenly Father.  I long for the concluding paragraph to include, “well done, good and faithful servant.”

Joan is a Certified Mental Health Coach and a Prayer Minister. If you would like to schedule an appointment with her, call 248.956.0265.

Photos of writing and prayer courtesy of www.unsplash.com.

© 2023 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given.

Lives are Changed through Living Waters!

Living Waters is a Christ-centered discipleship/ministry program for men and women seeking healing in areas of sexual and relational brokenness; including pornography addiction, codependency, sexual addiction, homosexuality, sexual ambivalence, childhood sexual abuse, transgender issues, and difficulty in establishing and sustaining healthy relationships. Our next program is starting soon.

Here are some powerful testimonies from participants who had their lives changed through the power of Jesus Christ in the Living Waters program. They are used with the permission of the participants.

“I feel that Living Waters has set me on a trajectory that I have always wanted. I want to be ‘in love’ with God. My relationship with Him has greatly improved.”

A female participant.

“Living Waters has taught me that I can be truly honest with God in my prayer life. I don’t need to hide from Him because He already knows everything.”

A male participant.

 “The best part of Living Waters was the small group time. It was here that I felt fully known and fully loved by the other group members, and I felt comfortable sharing my story.”

A male participant.

Years… decades… of countless hurting and broken relationships forged my life. I grew up in a home where my entire youth constantly reinforced the short comings and failures of my character and capability. While in Living Waters I discovered for the first time in my life that I am a perfect creation of God. I have drawn closer to Jesus. I have a desire to know him. I thirst for his living water to know his life so I can forgive and use his word to be the person he created me to be.

A male participant.

The teachings are very relevant. The topics week after week reach different parts of our journeys. The whole program is anointed to reach the areas of our hearts that I don’t think we could reach on our own.

A female participant.

I’ve kind of done this life thing on my own. No one has really been there to stand up for me or protect me. Being in Living Waters and having the ladies in my small group call out the wrongs done to me and be angry about the injustice in my life helped me to see that Jesus saw it all and isn’t okay with it.

A female participant.

When your identity is stolen very early in life, you learn to survive in your environment anyway you can. Even as a believer your choices are twisted in the early lies of self, going down a road of anxiety, disappointment, disapproval and sin. The early wounds become buried in layers of pain and loneliness. Searching and searching for answers led to more pain and frustration.

I came to Living Waters broken, wounded and in a pain that would never stop. Slowly I began to understand my false images and let the anointed leaders at Living Waters work a miracle. I began to press into the resurrection power of Jesus, read the word, do my homework and let Jesus into the walls of self-protection where the pain lived. Layer by layer. I am believing and pressing into all God has for me. Letting go of the past and letting Jesus unfold my future. I thank Jesus for this journey of healing as only He can transform me. I have hope and faith to believe that my continued healing will come. I am drawn closer to His presence and more fully dependent on His provision. I will trust in Him as He establishes my steps.

A female participant.

For the longest time I thought that I needed to fix myself, but Living Waters taught me that I am okay – even loved – both by God and by other people. The small group time was transformative as it opened my eyes to the fact that I can be completely honest: fully known and still fully loved. I can be honest with God and I don’t need to clean up my act in order to approach Him or other people.

A male participant.

I would absolutely recommend Living Waters! I’ve briefly told a couple of friends about it and would love to see them take part someday! It has been such a blessing for me, sharing my story, having someone else say, “Yeah, me too, but here is how I am healing.”

A female participant.

“I would recommend Living Waters to others. I think this is the perfect place for people who wish to go deeper in their healing journey.”

A male participant.

If you or someone you love is struggling with sexual or relational difficulties, there is hope and healing through the power of Jesus Christ.  Call us and ask about attending the next Living Waters program. (586) 739-5114

The pictures used in this article are not the actual participants.

Photos acquired through www.unsplash.com.

© Reconciliation Ministries 2022.  This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as credit is given and no fee is charged.

Caught in the Crossfire

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30 NLT

Maybe you’ve been as troubled as I have watching the confirmation process for the latest Supreme Court nominee. He has had multiple allegations brought against him for sexually abusive behavior during his high school and college years. The media has surely done its part to stir up the hype, and keep emotions triggered and their ratings high. At this point, all I can say is that God knows the truth and we will all stand before Him and give an account on Judgement Day. I have to admit that my own emotions have been triggered too, so I will now do my best to let the Lord sort this out. He knows if the accusations are true or false. He knows if the denials are true or false. May God’s will be done.

As much as my heart goes out to both of the main individuals involved in this debate, my heart goes out even more to two groups of people who are caught in the crossfire. I am very concerned about the impact of this media debacle on those who have been sexually abused themselves. I’m also concerned for those who have sexually offended. Through the years, Reconciliation Ministries has had the privilege of ministering to precious souls in both groups. No one is beyond the tender mercies of our God. No one. No one is beyond repentance, restoration, and healing. No one.

My main concern with those who have been sexually abused is that many in the media – and many in the general public – have given the clear message that if you come forward; you will not be believed, you will be interrogated; and unless you remember every single, specific detail of your abuse, you will become the suspect. How many of us remember every single detail of any of the milestone events in our lives? The reality is that many abuse survivors have learned to suppress memories of traumatic events to survive. They may start drinking, drugging, or living in deception to cope with the abuse. Some even put themselves in high risk situations to “reenact” their abuse. These are only a few of the unfortunate aftereffects of trauma that defense lawyers pounce on as they defend their guilty clients. Details such as the timeline leading up to the abuse doesn’t seem important when it is happening, so we don’t commit those details to our long-term memories. It is very common not to report the abuse for many years – if at all. We are seeing some of the reasons. Reports of abuse may be met with fierce anger, denial, or revenge. Being told things like, “You’re making it up!” or “That could never have happened!” by those we confide in is almost as traumatic as the abuse itself. To this group of wounded brothers and sisters I say, “You have safe, Christian men and women at Reconciliation Ministries who will hear you and walk with you as you receive healing in Christ.” We won’t judge you, or criticize you. We will listen to you and pray with you. Many of us have walked that painful road ourselves.

My heart also goes out to the men and women who do admit that they have offended, and are now trying to live a repentant, godly life. There are numerous men and women out there who realize they need help, but are fearful of the repercussions if they admit their offenses. Part of the concern is very real. All counselors and pastoral care personnel are required by law to report suspected acts of child abuse if there is an identifiable victim, and if the victim is still under 18 years of age; even if the alleged incident happened over ten years ago. This helps those affected by abuse get the help they desperately need, but it also makes it much harder for offenders to reach out for help. Through the years there have been a number of individuals who were repentant and brave enough to come forward even though they signed a form acknowledging the mandated reporting of suspected acts of child abuse. What I can tell you is that there are many more men and women who have committed a sexual offense well past the age requirements of reporting. They have confessed to God, but are walking around in bondage to shame and condemnation. They are truly remorseful and repentant. They admit their sin and make no excuses for their past behavior. However, they live in fear of being found out and being labeled as someone below plankton on the food chain. The media coverage of the confirmation proceedings bears this out. In the area of sexual offenses, not only is one often “guilty until proven innocent”; he or she is likely to be “guilty” in the minds of anyone who finds out that there was an allegation against him or her – even if it is dropped. Another unfortunately message of the latest media frenzy is that people can’t change. Even if the incident happened ten, twenty, or thirty years ago, there is no room for the transformation of Christ in the minds of many. Fortunately, the Holy Spirit truly can change any heart that is submitted to Him. If you are one of the many men and women who have sexually offended, or are tempted to offend, please get the help and healing that Jesus Christ willingly died to provide for you. Reconciliation Ministries is here for you too. We have had the honor of walking to the mercy seat of Jesus with many who were on the sex offender registry, others who have been in the legal system; and those who had not offended, but were struggling with the temptations. Help is available for anyone who opens their heart to Jesus. Help is available for you too.

Reconciliation Ministries also recognizes that it may be difficult for those who have experienced the trauma of sexual abuse to hear that we have grace and mercy on a group of people that represent others who have caused their pain. I am a pastoral caregiver and licensed therapist. I am also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Some of my close family members are also abuse survivors. The Lord had to change my own heart when He first called me to work with those who have committed sexual abuse. I found out then that it is much easier for us Christians to say, “Without the grace of God, there go I,” than it is to live it. I have also seen the power of our loving Savior to forgive and transform anyone who is repentant and who surrenders their lives to Jesus. I have seen the power of Jesus transform many hearts that society was willing to throw away, and turn them into living examples of the power of the cross. No one is beyond the redemption and transformational power of Jesus Christ. No one.

So I say to those of you who have been sexually abused, “Reconciliation Ministries is here for you. We will walk with you to Jesus and help you get the healing and restoration that you need.” I say to those who have offended, or are tempted to offend, “Reconciliation Ministries is here for you as well. We will walk with you to Jesus and help you get the healing and transformation that you need.” Reconciliation Ministries provides a safe, confidential, Christian environment where you can share your heart, receive compassion, and talk with others who have had similar experiences.

If you or someone you know needs help, call Reconciliation Ministries at 586.739.5114. Our next session of Living Waters will be starting soon. We also have licensed professional counseling and prayer ministry available. We are here to help you.

In Christ, Dan Hitz, Director, Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.

Photo of justice scale used under license from www.shutterstock.com.
All other photos from www.unsplash.com.

Our next session of Living Waters is starting soon. There is help for those struggling with sexual and relationship issues, and for those overcoming abuse. Call 586.739.5114