My Broken Mess: A Life Changed through Living Waters

Rhonda Ross is a good friend of Reconciliation Ministries and has attended two sessions of Living Waters. Her testimony is shared with her permission in the hopes that it helps many receive healing from Jesus, the One who heals the brokenhearted.

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Psalm 51:10,12 NIV

In March of 2022 after my first Living Waters attendance, I realized that after being a very active member of my local church for 52 years, that I was NOT OK. After decades of being crushed by sin and darkness of the world, I had come to a point where there was nowhere to turn but to God. Seeing beauty in brokenness was not something I could even understand. Psalm 51 tells us that we can ask God to create in us a new heart, and renew a steadfast spirit in us. The psalm also references that He can restore us to the joy of our salvation and grant us a willing spirit to sustain us. These verses are talking about a broken spirit. Even though the revelation that I was not ok made me feel defeated, I did know that He is always with me and could heal my heart.

What really stopped me in my tracks was that after Living Waters was over, I suddenly had the realization that I had a story that I didn’t realize was actually “keeping me” from a true healing of my emotions and blocking healing from childhood and adult trauma. I didn’t know I was broken. BUT I WAS BROKEN. God gently reached down and began to walk with me through my healing journey. I HAD TO DIE TO SELF in order to be spiritually fruitful.

Those of you that don’t know me let me just tell you in a capsulated form what brought me to my knees….

  • Parental emotional abuse.

  • Parents were emotionally unavailable.

  • My father was unfaithful to my mom, multiple times in his life and my “little girl” image of my dad on a pedestal fell to the floor and broke.

  • My mom lived a bitter life after that and made it very difficult to love her.

  • My mother-in-law was verbally abusive to my husband and myself right up to her death.

  • My husband had a disease called FAP which in layman’s terms means polyps that form in your entire intestinal system that have to be monitored and removed to avoid cancer. He had multiple life-threatening surgeries from as early as 1990. My youngest son was diagnosed at 17 years of age with the same thing as my husband. My son’s illness progressed twice as fast as my husband’s and he suffered many years from countless surgeries. His life choices were detrimental to his illness. He was not able to really grasp the severity of his choices and lacked the understanding of how seriously ill he was.

  • In January of 2017 my youngest son passed away at the age of 32 from multiple complications. He died suddenly of cardiac arrest, pneumonia, and sepsis.

  • After his brother’s death my oldest son struggled as he loved his brother dearly. So hard to lose your best friend (brother).

  • In July of 2021 my husband of almost 41 years died after a prolonged battle with Leukemia.

I pushed all of this down emotionally and always had a quick answer to those who inquired and said “How are you?” I WAS ALWAYS FINE… NOT!

I came to a point where I physically, emotionally, and spiritually could no longer keep it inside. I began to trust Him to repair and restore me. To repair my broken heart. In sitting with Jesus and coming here to Living Waters I was able to pour out my pain and struggles. Jesus listened to every word. I also sought Godly counsel to help maneuver the many landmines I didn’t know were there. I am here today… No longer giving you the “pretend” me. I am in the process of true freedom for the first time in my life. I bring my brokenness to you being vulnerable so that you too can be encouraged that “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

Jesus suffered heartbreak for my sake on the cross, I thank Him for His sacrifice and for loving me so much. He can make something beautiful out of our messes.

© 2023 Reconciliation Ministries. This article was printed with the express permission of Rhonda Ross.


Lives Are Changed through the Living Waters Program.

Living Waters is a Christ-centered discipleship/ministry program for men and women seeking healing in areas of sexual and relational brokenness; including codependency, fear, shame, self-hatred, pornography addiction, sexual addiction, homosexuality, sexual ambivalence, emotional abuse, childhood sexual abuse, transgender issues, and difficulty in establishing and sustaining healthy relationships. Our next program is starting soon, call 586.739.5114 for more information.

Here are just two examples of the many participants who had their lives changed through the power of Jesus Christ in the Living Waters program. Their testimonies are published with their permission.

 

“More than anything else Living Waters has taught me that I am able to be brutally, completely honest with God and He will not reject me for it. God desires an intimate relationship with me because He created me and loves me. Despite all of my sin and flaws I do not need to hide from God.”

 

“When I signed up for Living Waters, I felt like I was a failure as a wife, mother, and human being. I was not respected by my family, nor by myself. The Living Waters focus was on being honest on many different topics, and was about healing me, not anyone else. In the process of healing me, I was and am blown away that my marriage is improving, and that my adult child who wanted nothing to do with me has said that she loves me.”

Photos used are courtesy of www.unsplash.com and are not the actual participants.