LGBTQ: A Better Understanding
/Dan is the director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in helping men and women overcome unwanted LGBTQ issues, sexual abuse recovery, and trauma. This article is a companion article for The Building Blocks of Homosexuality and The Building Blocks of Gender Confusion. These articles, and more, are available on the Reconciliation Ministries website at https://recmin.org/newsletter-archives.
● Are people born gay or trans?
● Do people choose to be gay or trans?
● Is change really possible?
● What does change even mean?
● If I still lust after men after walking away from homosexuality, have I really changed anyway?
● Being trans seems to answer so many questions I’ve had for a long time. How can it possibly be wrong?
● I’ve asked God to take these feelings away forever. Nothing’s changed. Does He even care?
Our answers to the questions can cause perceptions within the LGBTQ community that hinder the deeper messages of our faith. Our answers to those questions can also cause confusion for many in the church. There are already so many conflicting messages about LGBTQ issues from total rejection to total acceptance and affirmation. The bottom line can be summed up in the following three Scriptures: “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” [Romans 3:23], God “commands all people everywhere to repent” [Acts 17:30b], and “God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life” [John 3:16].
This article is written with the Biblical perspective expressed by Jesus as He referenced the book of Genesis in Mark 10:6-9. “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” This article holds to the perspective that God ordains physical sexual expression solely within the marriage covenant of one biologically born male and one biologically born female. It is important to note that temptations alone are not sin – acting upon our temptations is a sin. Just like there are many who have heterosexual temptations and choose not act upon them, there are many who have homosexual or transgender temptations and choose not to act upon them. We are called to submit all of our sinful temptations to the cross, no matter what those temptations are.
Someone asked me if two people of the same gender love each other, and both agree to their behavior, what does it hurt? It’s true that not everyone uses the Bible as the foundation for their lives and behavior; however, God designed us, and He knows how we should live. This is illustrated in our sexuality. We are designed for monogamous, heterosexual behavior. Research shows that sexually active teenagers are more depressed that non-sexually active teenagers.1 The Christian Medical and Dental Association published a comprehensive review of research concerning the health risks of homosexual behavior.2 Multiple organizations have published research on the harm of puberty blockers and cross gender hormones.3 This all relates to the teenager’s question. If same-sex behavior is based at least in part by emotional brokenness, or trying to fulfill unmet needs, it would be reinforcing that brokenness and/or attempts to meet unmet needs in ways that don’t work; therefore, causing harm in the long run to both people who truly do love each other.
LGBTQ sin often gets singled out as the sin above all sins. I get it. If someone doesn’t struggle with same-sex attractions or gender confusion, that type of behavior sounds gross to them. They can settle into an “at least I’m not as bad as those people” mentality. To the non-LGBTQ group, I would ask how they are doing in their repentance from self-righteousness… pornography… alcohol…? Remember, we’ve all sinned and fallen short of the Kingdom of God. All of us are struggling with, or overcoming, something. LGBTQ issues are just one of many sins that afflict humanity.
We can see this in 1 Corinthians 6:9-11. Homosexuality is pretty much in the middle of a whole bunch of things that keep people from inheriting the Kingdom of God. I’m guessing that we’ve all been somewhere in that list at one time or another. Verse 11 holds the good news, “And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” I thank God for the evidence from over 2000 years ago that we can be set free from sexual immorality, idolatry, adultery, homosexuality, theft, greed, alcoholism, slander, and swindling others. 1 John 1:9 reads, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” I’m thankful that that verse doesn’t contain any exemptions. It promises that the Lord can cleanse us from all sinfulness, no matter what type.
Research has shown that sexual orientation and gender identity change efforts are effective and are not harmful.4, 5 Change allowing therapy decreases depression and anxiety even if the client does not experience a significant change in his or her sexual orientation.6 Research also shows that the gay and lesbian population experiences higher rates of alcoholism, mental health disorders, and domestic violence than the heterosexual population, even in countries that are more affirming of LGBTQ issues than the US.2 This would suggest that the cause of those co-occurring challenges isn’t homophobia or transphobia, but that LGBTQ issues are just one more form of human brokenness. Multiple studies also show that for people experiencing transgender feelings prior to puberty, between 70 and 95% of them will go on to embrace their birth gender if simply left alone. However, if those kids are given puberty blockers, almost none will embrace their birth gender after adolescence.7
What are realistic expectations for those who are overcoming LGBTQ issues? Once they repent, will they experience a life free from any LGBTQ temptations whatsoever? Learning to overcome any sin is a process. It is common for those overcoming habitual sin to experience increased temptations when they experience times of increased stress. In reality, there is a continuum of change. On one side we see some who have experienced transformation and no longer have any same-sex attraction or gender confusion whatsoever. On the other side of the continuum we see people who are working their recovery, yet their attractions and desires haven’t changed. Although their attractions haven’t changed, they are committed to submitting their sexuality to the cross and upholding Biblical sexual ethics. Most of us are somewhere in the middle. Our same-sex attractions or gender confusion is no where near what it used to be, but it is not totally gone. In times of increased stress our temptations may increase; however, through discipleship programs and ethical care we have learned to steward our sexuality and not surrender to our temptations.
In the newsletter entitled Working Your Recovery: Facing Temptations, we looked at the reality that recovery is a process, and we may very well continue to experience temptations for whatever sinful behavior we gave our lives to in the past. That is one of the reasons Jesus said, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me” [Luke 9:23]. The good news is that we have a Savior who can relate to our weaknesses and offer us hope in our time of need. Jesus was tempted in everyway we are, yet He never sinned. He can empower us to overcome our temptations [Hebrews 4:14-16]. As we go to Him in our weakness, we receive His strength [2 Corinthians 12:9]. In this process of grace, we learn more about our Savior’s heart and grow deeper in relationship with Him.
Where do homosexual desires or transgender inclinations come from? There are many opinions out there. Some say it is a choice. Others claim genetic or biological causes. Still others identify environmental causes like family of origin issues and cultural influences. Some blame it on demonic oppression. In reality, there is a complex mix of ingredients in the development of same-sex attraction or transgenderism. You can read more about the building blocks of each in the articles, The Building Blocks of Homosexuality and The Building Blocks of Gender Confusion, available on the Reconciliation Ministries website at https://recmin.org/newsletter-archives. In this newsletter, I will simply ask you if you’ve ever struggled with a habitual sin of any type. Since you are a part of Adam’s race, I’ll assume that you have. Safe to say, you probably never lay awake one-night thinking that your life was just too easy, and that you needed a sinful habit to make it more challenging. More likely, you just gravitated to whatever sinful habit you adopted and eventually found yourself stuck in its negative behavior pattern. That’s what happens to those of us who have experienced LGBTQ desires. It just happens. And it feels as natural as breathing. Habitual sin is usually an illegitimate attempt to solve a legitimate problem. We may drink – illegitimate attempt – because we want to numb emotional pain – a legitimate problem. We may act on our sexual temptations to bond with the same gender – illegitimate attempt – because we didn’t receive the infilling from our same sex parent or peers that God intended us to have, and we are trying to fill the void in our hearts – legitimate problem. Although we didn’t lay awake in bed one night and choose to have same-sex attraction or gender confusion, we do choose how we will respond to it.
In the past ten to twenty years, newer cultural influences have drawn many into the LGBTQ community. Social media and online influencers allow teens to easily explore topics that they would never dream of discussing with their parents. Those sources are designed to give you more exposure to what you’ve already searched. If you look up cat videos, you’ll get more suggestions for cat videos. If you look up LGBTQ topics, you’ll get more suggestions for LGBTQ topics. All within the privacy of your bedroom, on your very own smartphone. Unfortunately, many voices and testimonies of those who have overcome LGBTQ issues are silenced on those platforms. Movies and television shows have become bolder in their overt promotion of homosexuality and transgenderism. It starts young. I was shocked when I realized that a YouTube channel geared towards helping toddlers learn their colors and letters through singing, included a nonbinary identified woman. That same YouTube influencer also invited a prominent transwoman to sing on her show.8 A recent article touted the best kid’s shows with transgender characters.9 One of the latest science fiction series actually employed the help of GLAAD, a pro-LGBTQ organization, to help them introduce a gay couple, a widowed lesbian, and a non-binary character with a transgender boyfriend in ways that illicit the viewers’ sympathy and support for those identities.10 These moves are calculated to promote the LGBTQ message.
So, what do we do if someone we care about tells us that he or she is struggling with homosexuality or transgenderism? First of all, take the time to breathe… to pray… Respond with love and compassion. Thank him or her for having the courage to share his or her struggle with you. It is important to speak the truth in love. We can reassure him of God’s love for him, and offer to help walk with him through the process of learning to yield his sexuality to Jesus. As we speak the truth in love, it is important that we don’t allow our human compassion to compromise Biblical truth. If she has questions about Biblical sexuality and has studied gay-revisionist theology, take the time to sincerely examine the Scriptures together and learn what they say about holy sexuality. The Gay Gospel? and Speaking of Homosexuality by Joe Dallas are excellent resources.
The emotional challenges are real. The sanctification process can be messy at times. It is during these times that we may be tempted to tell ourselves that it would be much easier for our friend to accept her same-sex attraction, than for her to work at overcoming it. Remember that we are all living for eternity, and that the Holy Spirit will walk with us through every step of our journey. He will do what is best for her in light of eternity. We can assure her that “In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” [Romans 8:28]. Stand with her during the messy times and encourage her to continue reaching out to the Lord for help. Help her find a safe Christian caregiver that is experienced in helping people overcome LGBTQ struggles. Reconciliation Ministries and Restored Hope Network are excellent places to start.
These same principles apply if you are the one struggling with LGBTQ issues. It is also important to embrace your true identity as a redeemed son or daughter of God the Father. Your struggles are not your identity. Don’t embrace the false identity of a “gay-Christian” or a “trans-Christian”. If you have Jesus as your Savior, you are a redeemed son or daughter of God the Father. Unfortunately, there are even many in the church that do embrace these labels; however, they don’t apply the same principles across all aspects of sin. Most married people who don’t struggle with same-sex attraction experience temptations to lust after the opposite gender, but they don’t identify themselves as “adulterous-Christians”. Have you ever heard someone identify himself as a “porn addict-Christian”? Highly unlikely! Speak the truth about your identity and stand as a redeemed son or daughter of God the Father.
It is important to reach out to safe Christians for support. An experienced Christian caregiver can help you walk through the recovery process, and help you prayerfully look at the things in your life that may be contributing to your same-sex desires or struggles with gender identity. The pastoral care department of your church should be the best place to start. There are many excellent programs out there like Living Waters, Taking Back Ground, Path Through the Wilderness, and Celebrate Recovery. Many other resources are listed on the resources pages of the Restore Hope Network website at https://www.restoredhopenetwork.org.
Stay close to Jesus as you walk through this process. You may not always understand Him, but He is always faithful. He will meet you in the broken areas of your life, and give you strength when you are tired and tempted. Find trustworthy Christians to live life with and don’t give up. Remember, “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” [Philippians 1:6].
Footnotes:
1 Rector, Johnson, and Noyes. Sexually Active Teenagers Are More Likely to Be Depressed and to Attempt Suicide. Center for Data Analysis (6/3/2002) Heritage Foundation Report. Retrieved on 12/2/2244 from https://www.heritage.org/education/report/sexually-active-teenagers-are-more-likely-be-depressed-and-attempt-suicide.
2 Christian Medical and Dental Association. CMDA Ethics Statement: Transgender Identification. (2023) Retrieved from https://app.box.com/shared/static/2q2xjp0mwrm7hrytyww2ixr9w34xs6kw.pdf on 12/2/2024.
3 Hitz, Dan. Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. Risks of Transgender-Affirming Treatment. (2019) Retrieved from https://recmin.org/s/Risks-of-Trans-Affirmation-m7dj.pdf on 12/2/2024.
4 Reintegrative Therapy Association. www.reintegrativetherapy.com/the-science.
5 Journal of Human Sexuality. Alliance for Therapeutic Choice and Scientific Integrity www.journalofhumansexuality.com.
6 Nicolosi, J., Byrd, A.D., and Potts, R.W. (2000) Retrospective self-reports of changes in homosexual orientation: A consumer survey of conversion therapy clients. Psychological Reports, 86, 1071-1088.
7 Heyer, Walt. Trans Life Survivors. Self-published, Lexington, KY, 2018.
8 For references, Google Ms. Rachel, nonbinary, Jules Hoffman, and Dylan Mulvaney.
9 Santora, Tyler. The Best Kids’ TV Shows with Transgender Characters. Fatherly. 5/16/2023. Retrieved on 12/2/2024 from https://www.fatherly.com/entertainment/the-best-kids-shows-with-transgender-characters.
10 StarTrek.com staff. Star Trek Discovery Introduces First Transgender and Non-Binary Characters. 9/2/2020. Retrieved on 12/2/2024 from https://www.startrek.com/news/star-trek-discovery-introduces-first-trangender-and-non-binary-characters.
All Bible verses are from the New International Version. (2011). BibleGateway.com. http://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/#booklist.
Photos are of models and used courtesy of www.unsplash.com. © 2024 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given.