When Healing Hurts: Ministering to Sex Trafficking Survivors

Katrina's Mission is about abolishing sex trafficking in the city of Detroit and restoring hope to survivors through the love of God. In this article, she shares insights about those who are trafficked, as well as some of the challenges survivors face in their recovery process. 

 The LORD builds up Jerusalem; He gathers the exiles of Israel, He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 147:2-3 NIV

There are so many in this world who are hurting and broken. Each one of us goes through trials. While this is true, the path to healing is different based on the trauma that was endured. I have the privilege of helping to bring healing and wholeness to women that have been rescued from human trafficking.

Katrina and her team regularly minister to trafficking victims on the streets.

Before we get into the healing, I want to clear up a common misconception about human trafficking. In the four years that I have worked with survivors and listened to their stories I have never heard any of them say that they were abducted. Each woman that I have spoken to has had some type of “relationship” with their trafficker. Social media is typically the platform that the trafficker uses. In this day and age, we generally post everything about our lives. This is what the traffickers look for. They scour and search for the vulnerable. They will then befriend and earn their trust. The traffickers are very skilled at what they do. In only a matter of days they will have earned your trust, convinced you that they have a better life for you, and that they love you. This is one of the reasons that most women have a difficult time leaving and healing. They feel they made the initial choice to be with their trafficker, so now they deserve what they get.

The road to healing begins with breaking down and rebuilding. You have to break down all the lies that they believe. Examples of this are “I deserve this,” “nobody will ever want me again because I'm dirty,” “this is all that I have to offer,” and “I am worthless”. These are just a few of the lies that have been embedded into them. There is also a deep fear instilled in them. Fear that the trafficker will find them. Fear they will be beaten again or even killed. These were not idle threats. Most of the women have been beaten and brutally raped to force them into submission. Once you can break down the fear and lies, you can help replace them with truth. Truth about who God says they are. Truth about the fact that one choice should not define us for the rest of our lives.

The next part of healing is to break the trauma bond. A trauma bond is a lot like Stockholm syndrome. In the beginning of the “relationship” they felt like there was a connection with the other person and they were falling in love with them. They had begun dreaming of what their future would be. When they realize that this is not the case they begin to look to their trafficker as their protector. Although he may abuse her, she is under the illusion that he won’t let anyone else hurt her. This connection is so strong that even when she does get beaten or raped by another person she does not feel that he let her down.

Stock photo courtesy of Eric Ward via www.unsplash.com.

Once you have gotten her to this point of healing, she is now able to begin the deepest part of healing. Healing what was initially broken within her to make her vulnerable in the first place. By this time that initial trauma is buried so deeply within that it is extremely painful and uncomfortable to deal with. This is when many of the women will return to the streets. The process of healing is a whole new pain that they don’t know what to do with. Therefore, they return to the streets because it’s a predictable pain. Healing from this type of trauma isn’t linear. There isn’t a straight line that will take them from broken to healed. It is a process. It takes time. It takes love. It takes those who are willing to walk beside them, pick them up when they fall and encourage them along the long and winding road. I think one of the hardest parts of working with these women is giving them the freedom to give up on their healing. You can’t force someone to forgive themselves, to believe in themselves, or to complete the healing process. All you can do is plant seeds of faith, hope and love.

Stock photo courtesy of Kelly Sikkema via www.unsplash.com.

The last stage of the healing process is helping her to create new “normals”. Our goal is to equip the women to be self-confident and independent. This comes in the form of teaching them how to make their beds, clean the house and do laundry. They will also have to learn how to create a grocery list and then go grocery shopping. The women go to church and a weekly Bible study to learn who they are in Christ. The women are given a stipend so they can learn how to budget and save money. Many of the women have had all of their identifications stolen. We help them get their birth certificates, social security cards and a state ID. Once they have proper identification they can choose to continue their education or learn a trade. These survivors are some of the bravest women I have ever known.

Katrina is a credentialed missionary who has worked with Elli's House 313 for the last three years, ministering to trafficked women still on the street as well as rehabilitating women rescued from sex trafficking. It is Katrina's passion to see the broken hearted be healed, to proclaim freedom to those in captivity, and show those bound in shame and despair that there is a Savior who sees them, and has loved them every moment of their lives since He first formed them in the womb.

If you'd like to partner with Katrina in offering these beautiful women beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning and a garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, you can visit https://giving.ncsservices.org/App/Giving/ncs-3761 and choose Katrina Kalinowski from the drop down menu.

Follow her mission on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/Katrinas-Mission-101377431259729/?ref=page_internal

Follow her on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/katrinasmission/

© 2022 Katrina Kalinowski. This article was printed by Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. with permission.

The Secret Shame of Male Sexual Abuse

Dr. Doug Carpenter is the author of the book, Secret Shame: A Survivor’s Guide to Understanding Male Sexual Abuse and Male Sexual Development. He is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Michigan. He and his wife, Mary Carpenter, LMSW; are the founders of Insight Counseling Services. Dr. Carpenter has a doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology from Forest Institute of Professional Psychology; earned a Master of Science in Counseling and Substance Abuse Rehabilitation from Pace University; and has an Associate of Arts in Theological Studies from Kent Christian College. Dr. Carpenter has extensive study and therapeutic skills in the area of gender role conflict, shame, sexual abuse and trauma, and chemical and behavioral addictions. You can find more information about his counseling services at http://www.insightcounselingpc.com/. This article is printed with the permission of Dr. Carpenter.

A famous psychologist, Carl Jung, said that “Shame is a soul eating disease.” Sexual abuse is the secret shame that lies deep within boys and men. For decades, the focus of sexual abuse research, educational programs, and media has been on the suffering of females. There has been much less attention given to the effects of sexual abuse on males. 

Men who have experienced sexual abuse deserve to be heard and to heal! The wounded inner child deserves to be comforted and protected, and the adult deserves to be free of the impact of sexual abuse and move into living a happy life free of emotional, physical, relational, and sexual dysfunction and compulsivity.

The effects of sexual abuse are vast and individualistic. There are commonalities, such as sexual identity confusion. However, the degree it affects a man on an individual basis is limitless. The American Psychological Association reports that 40% of men who are sexually abused will experience no ill effect. However, that leaves 60% of men who will have some problems ranging from mild to severe. The research identifies that men wait anywhere from 20-26 years before telling anyone about their abuse - think of all the issues boys carry from childhood into their adult lives. Few boys report sexual abuse as it is occurring or shortly after. Chapter 9 of my book, Secret Shame: A Survivor’s Guide to Understanding Male Sexual Abuse and Male Sexual Development, examines over 30 reasons why men do not disclose their sexual abuse.

At some point, a boy or man may choose to disclose a small snippet of his abuse. The reaction of the person whom they tell has significant implications on their decision to continue telling their story or return to the deep cloistered cave of secret shame. The mental grappling a man goes through concerning disclosure is a significant struggle. This decision is as significant, if not more, than all other decisions in life such as whom to marry, where to live, and what career to pursue.

The man needs to explore how the abuse changed his thinking and behavior. A good majority of men were abused before puberty. The research identified that men on average are abused around the age of eight or nine. This is considered the latency stage of development where boys are focused on learning and growing in their skills to navigate the world around them. Issues of a sexual nature are supposed to be dormant between the ages of 6 until puberty. The disruption of this phase by sexual abuse or exposure to sexually explicit material such as pornography creates a stirring of sexual curiosity and desire that is prematurely awakened and disrupts the maturational process.

Sexual abuse interferes with the natural process of imprinting and the development of a healthy sexual template. Our initial sexual experiences form a mental imprint, these sexual experiences are written on a blank canvas and become the template the mind compares and returns to when further sexual thoughts, feelings, and experiences occur. Most individuals can remember their first sexual experience, wanted and unwanted, in fairly great detail. Sexual abuse and exposure to sexually explicit materials take the sexual template awry. Early awakenings of sexual material can significantly increase sexual curiosity to unhealthy levels and encourage seeking out sexual information via unhealthy means.

At times, the abuse was so traumatic the boy used the defenses of dissociation and repression to survive. In these instances, the mind struggles to remember the details of the event or has absolutely no memories. This can result in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and associated symptoms such as flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and body memories. No matter the degree of trauma, the contents of the event are stamped into the sexual template of the mind in either a conscious or unconscious format. Both formats impact the future mental, emotional, and sexual functioning of the individual. Learning has occurred as a result of the event and neural synapses were formed. These become the road map for sexual arousal patterns.

Sexual identity confusion is the number one issue faced by sexually abused males. Adolescence is considered a time of storm and stress along a normal continuum of development. Adding sexual abuse and trauma only compounds the stressful work that occurs during this era of life. Children and adolescents lack the cognitive skills to understand what is happening to them and how they arrived in an abusive situation. They cannot make meaning of the abuse.

A significant step in the healing process is understanding the automatic process of the human response cycle. The male body responds to visual cues and physical stimulation. The male body cannot decipher between abuse, sex, and intimacy. This process leaves a boy confused about his body. Why did it respond to another male? Why did I feel both scared and excited? Why did my body betray me and respond to another man when it is only supposed to respond to a female concerning sex? Why did I get an erection? Why did I ejaculate? Many boys and men struggle with believing their bodies betrayed them at a crucial point in their life. This creates a plethora of deep questions about their sexuality and masculinity. Many sexually abused males report the sense of having their masculinity robbed from them as a result of the abuse and that it somehow feminized them.

Why me? This is a question asked by all survivors. Another important step in the healing process is understanding the manipulative characteristics of the perpetrator. Sexual abuse did not just happen! It is a well-thought-out, calculated, manipulative plan on the part of the abuser. The perpetrator has a keen awareness of the vulnerabilities of the child and knows how to gradually begin taking advantage of these weaknesses. The abuser maneuvers himself into a place of importance in the child’s life. The child begins to trust him, depend on him, and may even love him before the sexual abuse begins. Before long, the child is confused about the deep love and appreciation he has for a person who now changes the relationship into something sexual. Someone the child thought was helpful, is now hurtful instead. Unfortunately, the perpetrator is so cunning that he finds a way to convince the child that it is their fault or they initiated it. This adds to the deep confusion of the child and the feelings of being trapped. Self-blame becomes a paramount issue for the child which only leads to further sexual identity confusion and significant issues concerning self-esteem, self-hatred, and self-loathing. The abuse permeates the very fiber of the child’s existence and he makes false attributions about himself. This begins the roots of shame that only deepens and festers throughout the psyche of the abused.

Male sexual abuse has a high risk of creating an array of sexual problems. Many times, men do not even understand the connection between their abuse and their problematic adult patterns of behavior. It may lead to complete abstinence from sexual and romantic relationships. On the other hand, the early awakening of these desires can lead to problematic relationships with pornography and sexual addiction. The research also shows a correlation between sexual abuse and later sexual dysfunction.

There are many barriers to the healing process for men. Sexually abused individuals are likely to develop negative coping skills to numb the pain that lies within. This can manifest through drugs, alcohol, sexual addiction, gaming, gambling, overeating, self-injury, even suicide. The abuse creates several problems that need to be addressed. In fact, it is often a side effect of the abuse, such as addiction, that lands a person in treatment where the sexual abuse is then disclosed as the root of his problems.

Successful treatment for sexually abused men involves several steps. First, the man must be able to let go of the masculine veneer he hides behind. He must get in touch with his feelings, make himself vulnerable, be willing to share his story, and first accept that he was a victim. He must stop the self-blame and accept that his perpetrator was a masterful manipulator. Children cannot consent to sexual acts. The second stage in healing is being able to take the facts and make meaning of the events. The man comes to understand his childhood vulnerabilities and how the perpetrator took advantage of those. He may also come to understand more about the perpetrator’s life and why or how he became an abuser. The man accepts that he survived the abuse. Third, the man makes healthier choices for his life. He begins moving from being a survivor into being a thriver. He identifies healthy coping skills and implements them into his daily life. He increases his overall self-care physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and sexually. Lastly, he begins to engage in healthy relationships with others. This happens through forming healthy male and female friendships, pursuing healthy and authentic love relationships, staying connected to an accountability partner, therapist, and/or group of people where he can share and live authentically as himself and eventually can use his story to help others. He frees himself from the shame he has lived in for many years.

© 2022 Dr. Doug Carpenter, Psy.D., L.P. This article was printed with permission.

Actor images used under license with www.shutterstock.com.

Secret Shame: A Survivor’s Guide to Understanding
Male Sexual Abuse and Male Sexual Development

This book has been in the making for more than six years. If you are a male (or know a male) who has been sexually abused and has never disclosed your story; felt emotionally and physically defective; felt your masculinity has been compromised; questioned your sexuality; repeated your sexual abuse with others in childhood; recreated your sexual abuse experience in adulthood; acted out sexually with other men; isolated from emotional and sexual relationships; turned to sexual compulsivity and promiscuity; suffered from abuse-related sexual dysfunction; and, have carried secret shame, THIS WAS WRITTEN FOR YOU!

As a clinical psychologist for the past twenty-four years treating men’s issues, my work has centered on the sexual trauma of men and how it is the driving force to multiple forms of addiction, especially sexual compulsivity. Throughout the years, I struggled to find a helpful resource for men that provided the information necessary for them to understand their trauma and the deep shame they carry. Male sexual abuse is complicated and the shame it engenders attacks the very essence of a man’s core beliefs of himself, his masculinity, and his sexuality.

The book is filled with information from hundreds of research articles, yet is written in common language understandable to the reader. The book examines the occurrence of male sexual abuse, the negative effects sexual abuse has upon the survivor, and the influence it has upon male sexual development, sexuality, and subsequent sexual behavior. It contains personal accounts of thirteen men who were individually interviewed by the author and who were courageous enough to share their in-depth experiences of sexual abuse and its implications upon their sexual development and sexual lives. The chapters highlight various aspects of their stories to help bring insight into the reader’s own experience.

Secret Shame: A Survivor’s Guide to Understanding Male Sexual Abuse and Male Sexual Development explores all of these topics in-depth. To help the sexually abused man work through these steps on his own or with a therapist, I have also created the Secret Shame Workbook that is complementary to the main text. The chapters coincide and offer a roadmap through the healing process.

You can find the book, Secret Shame, at https://tinyurl.com/3ncwffak.

Standing in Your True Identity in Christ - Dan Hitz

This article is inspired from Chapter Ten of the 1996 edition of the Living Waters Guidebook, “The Cross: Resurrecting the True Self” by Andrew Comiskey. You can find out more information about Living Waters at https://www.desertstream.org/#.  Dan Hitz is the director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.

 Then he [Jesus] asked them, “But who do you say I am?” Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” Jesus replied, “You are blessed, Simon son of John, because my Father in heaven has revealed this to you. You did not learn this from any human being. Now I say to you that you are Peter (which means ‘rock’) and upon this rock I will build my church, and all the powers of hell will not conquer it.
Matthew 16:15-18 NLT

God places a lot of importance on names… on identities... As you read through the entire conversation in Matthew 16, you’ll see that people were calling Jesus all sorts of things at that time. It’s interesting to note that Peter actually had the correct answer, and it was revealed to him by the Father in Heaven. He didn’t figure it out by human reasoning. Jesus followed up His affirmation of Peter by highlighting Peter’s own name and it’s meaning. He then reveals His plans for Peter and the Kingdom. When the Lord renames people in Scripture, it reflects the transformation that occurs in their hearts. Abram became Abraham, Sarai became Sarah, and Saul became Paul. When God speaks our names, He speaks our identities. When He speaks our identities, He speaks vision and calling.

Image used under license from www.shutterstock.com.

Who do you say that you are? More importantly, who does God say that you are? As Christians, if we answer that question theologically, the answer is pretty powerful. 1 Thessalonians 1:4 says we are loved by God and chosen. 1 Corinthians 6:11 says we are washed, justified, and sanctified. Romans 8:37 says we are more than conquerors. The list of our Biblical attributes and identities goes on and on. Unfortunately, if we listen to the pain in our hearts, our identities can be quite different. Just like the people in Jesus’ day called Him many things, people in our day have called us many things. Some of those names were nice… some not so nice. Sometimes those not so nice names come back at us years later when we answer the question of who we are from the pain in our hearts… looser… hopeless… unwanted… and a whole lot worse.

Where did those nasty names come from? Sometimes parents in a fit of rage give us labels that sink deep into our hearts… “You’ll never amount to anything!” “You’re dumber than a head of lettuce!” “You’re a tramp!” When words like these are spoken over us by our parents, they are written in indelible ink on our souls. Sometimes our peers label us. I’ve talked with people who were labeled “faggot” even before they knew what the word meant. It’s tough to grow up and not fit a typical gender stereotype. Rough and tumble girls and sensitive, artistic boys can carry a lot of hurtful labels given to them by neighborhood kids who didn’t give them a second thought.

Sometimes labels come from the shame in our own hearts. As a small child, I didn’t realize that my body was built to respond to touch. My nerve endings didn’t know if my abusers’ touch was wanted or unwanted. I hated myself when my body responded to that touch. I carried the label of “disgusting little pervert” for years. Sometimes we’ve actually done perverted things by choice as an adult, yet even as a repentant Christian we still carry that label. Many of us in recovery gladly tell others in our small groups that they are new creations in Christ and that their old nature is gone (2 Corinthians 5:17), but when we listen to the condemnation in our own hearts, it’s quite a different story. Even after walking with Jesus for years, we may still wrestle with some pretty nasty identities. Some of them I hesitate to even print in this newsletter. But we hear them in our hearts. We might even say them out loud when no one’s around. We wonder if we’re the exception to that new creation in Christ verse. After all, if I’m a new creation, why am I still struggling?

This brings us back to our need to be defined by the Father. We need a supernatural revelation of who we are in Christ. We need the voice of the Father to speak louder than the pain in our hearts. We need to live the truth of Galatians 2:20 NIV that declares, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” We aren’t defined by our old, fallen nature anymore. We are defined by Christ. That applies even if we’ve sinned after coming to Christ. It is then that we take refuge in 1 John 1:9 NIV, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” Jesus doesn’t identify us by our fallen nature. He identifies us as who we are in Him.

So how do we sincerely lay down our old identities and fully embrace our true identities in Christ? We need to take some time to get quiet with the Father and open our hearts to Him. The thought of getting quiet with God about how He sees us might sound frightening. Remember, He knew everything about us before we even came to Him. He won’t reject us. He knows everything about us and still loves us. Find peace in the truth, “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8b NIV).

Understand that Jesus took the full weight of our sin and shame on Himself when he was crucified on the cross. His death and resurrection are infinitely more powerful than our sin. Not just for our salvation, but for our transformation into mature sons and daughters of the Father. 2 Corinthians 5:21 tells us that Jesus, who had no sin, become sin for us, so that we can be transformed into the righteousness of God. Romans 6 tells us that our old, sinful natures were crucified with Christ, and that Christ now lives in us. We have Jesus’ righteousness alive and powerful in us. That is who the Father sees when He looks at us. It is time to seek God in prayer to make this truth come alive in the depths of our hearts.

At the very beginning of our walk, the Lord called us to admit who we were in our human brokenness and accept the fact that we couldn’t save ourselves. We surrendered our old lives and natures to Him and received new natures and identities in Him. The more we focus on our true identity, the easier it will be to leave our old identity and behaviors at the cross. When we sin after coming to Christ, it doesn’t erase our God-given identity. It is at those times that we go to the cross, confess our sins, and stand as blood washed sons and daughters of the Father. We are identified by Him, and we stand in our true identity as redeemed and beloved sons and daughters.

Spend some time in prayer to specifically focus on the shame in your heart. Identify the shameful labels – identities – that you are wrestling with. Then offer them up to the Father and ask Him to show you the identity that He gives you. We can participate in Revelation 2:17b NIV right now while we’re still in process. “To the one who is victorious, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give that person a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to the one who receives it.” We’ve shared this message in small groups and ministry times for years. It is amazing to hear the shameful identities that people have laid down at the cross, and the holy identities they have received from the Father. We give each person a white stone as a remembrance of their true identity in Christ. I’ll never forget when a man came up to me quite a while after I shared this message. He told me how he was still carrying the white stone in his pocket as a reminder of his true identity in Christ. His heart was revived as he embraced the truth of who he is in Christ. It’s time for you to lay down your false identity and embrace your true identity in Christ. Who does God say that you are?

© 2022 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given.

The Mother Wound: Dan Hitz Answers Questions from Drew Boa

Dan Hitz is the Executive Director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. He is a licensed professional counselor, an ordained minister, and an EMDR trained, certified clinical trauma professional. This article was inspired by questions from Drew Boa, Founder and Director of Husband Material, an excellent ministry that helps men overcome pornography. Drew sent Dan some questions to prepare for a podcast on the mother wound that was posted to the Husband Material website on June 21, 2021. You can see that podcast by clicking here.

Drew: What is a “mother wound”?

Dan: Mother wounds are voids that we have in our hearts as a result of not receiving the nurturing and love that God intended our mothers to give us. They may be intentional in cases of overt neglect, or unintentional in cases where our mothers loved us but were unable to care for us. Mother wounds may also be wounds we received because our mothers harmed us in some way, such as abuse. Mother wounds show themselves in deep emotional emptiness, codependency, self-sufficiency, and anger. Those with mother wounds don’t know how to comfort themselves appropriately. Since they feel a deep emptiness, they are susceptible to addictions and enmeshed relationships as they to try to fill up the emotional void. Some mother wounds are huge. Others are subtler.

Drew: Why is this topic so important?

Dan: Mother wounds rob us of our ability to have healthy relationships, and to take the necessary risks that allow us to embrace the challenges of life. Mothers lay the foundation for our emotional development. They are intended to impart a “sense of being” in us. That means we learn that we exist as a valued individual, our needs will be met, our thoughts and emotions matter, and we are capable thriving in this world. If the enemy can make us feel like we don’t matter, or keep us from developing a healthy sense of initiative, he can rob us of living up to God’s individual design for us.

Drew: How do you know if you have a mother wound?

Dan:  If you walk around with a sense of anxiety, or aren’t comfortable in your own skin, that’s a good indication that you may have a mother wound. If you have trouble feeling accepted by others, and feel unable to follow through on your goals, you may have a mother wound. One of the unscientific tests I have people do is to try to sit alone in their living room for a half hour or so with no TV, no radio, no smartphone. Just sit quietly and be aware of the present, without escaping to a fantasy world or finding some meaningless task to perform. People with mother or father wounds usually can’t sit still with no distracting stimuli for any length of time without getting antsy.

Drew: Have you been personally wounded by your mother?

Dan: Yes. I was the youngest of five children with a paranoid schizophrenic mother. Unfortunately, she sexually abused me throughout my childhood, yet was very over protective. I wasn’t allowed to do many of the activities that a lot of other kids could do. I didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin and didn’t learn how to develop friendships as a small child. I learned how to comfort myself by jumping into a fantasy world. I was afraid to take appropriate risks in the real world.

Drew: In what ways did your mother affect your sexuality?

Dan: She was very aggressive with the sexual abuse. That caused a lot of confusion and made me afraid of women. I had some sexual encounters with males while I was growing up. Somehow boys seemed safer. I didn’t really know how to make friends and didn’t feel like one of the boys. When the sexual abuse from my mother reached its peak, I was devastated and made a promise to myself – an inner vow – that I would never get married. I was afraid my wife would turn out like my mother. At the same time, I wanted to have the classic life with a wife and kids. I was very confused. I spent most of my time in a fantasy world of having sexual encounters with men in my mind. My goal was to find the right guy and settle down with him, even though I wanted a wife and kids. I was an emotional mess.

Drew: When and how did God intervein? What began to change?

Dan: I grew up in the church, but didn’t know how to have a personal relationship with Jesus. I liked the idea of living for Him, but He didn’t seem like much help in the abuse. I can remember being in college and making the decision that God didn’t exist. From that point on things went from bad to worse. My sexual fantasies about guys and isolation skyrocketed. I turned to bulimia to try to fill the void. That lasted for about three or four years, and was a very dark time in my life.

When I graduated from college, I worked with a guy who was a spirit-filled, born again Christian. One day he witnessed to me and said that there would be a day for everyone when God would ask them if they would serve Him or not. The Holy Spirit was all over that statement and I was confronted with that question deep in my heart. I didn’t know what would happen if I said no to God, but I knew it would be bad. A few days later I said yes to God. Instantly my bulimia ended, and I assumed that God would take my same-sex attraction away just as quickly. He didn’t. I was devastated. I was hoping that He would take away my sinful sexual desires the same way He took away my bulimia… without me having to face the pain in my soul that was driving the desires. I was serious about living for Christ, but I didn’t want the Holy Spirit “messing” with the pain in my heart. I jumped into the Christian disciplines of prayer, Bible study, church, and even Bible school. I was hoping that if I did all the right external things, God would just fix me without having to look at the pain. He did honor the Christian disciplines enough that the terror of women reduced to a fear of women, and He brought me a beautiful wife a few years later. Even though we’re coming up on our 35th wedding anniversary, I learned that marriage doesn’t fix sexual brokenness. Only God does. God doesn’t fix sexual brokenness on our terms. He fixes it on His terms.

What God was really after was a deeper relationship. He wants to have honest conversations with us about our wounds. A deeper relationship with Jesus is what began to bring deeper healing in my heart. God brought me to the point of desperation where I was finally willing to let Him into the darker places of my heart. I was finally willing to admit the abuse, be honest about the pain I was still feeling, and let the Holy Spirit do His work. I also had to “forgive God” for “giving me” a mentally ill mother who sexually abused me. I know that last sentence isn’t theologically sound, but the pain in our souls isn’t going to make theological sense. The bottom line is that I had to surrender to the Father, and trust that He is good and truly does have a good plan for my life. The moment I surrendered to the Lord and accepted the fact that I had a sexually abusive mother – accepted that He is good and He really can work all things out for my good if I let Him – the Father spoke to me and said, “I always raise up Moses under the nose of Pharaoh!” I realized that no matter what happened in the past, God could redeem it, heal my heart, and empower me to help other people overcome the pain in their past. In other words, the struggle wasn’t in vain. God can use it for His glory, for my eternal benefit, and for the eternal benefit of others.

My deeper surrender happened around 20 years ago. That opened the door for a deeper relationship with God, and deeper healings from God, that are still happening today. He really does care about the pain in our hearts. He really can bring healing in the worst moments of our lives.

Drew: For men who want to deal with these types of things, what advice do you have?

Dan: The first thing we should do is surrender to the Lord and admit that we have emotional wounds. Ask the Lord to show you how your wounds have affected your life. It’s not just going to be the porn or sexual brokenness. Mother wounds affect how we see ourselves, how we interact with others of the same and opposite sex, and how we relate to God. They affect our ability to live the fulfilling life that God wants us to live. The second thing we need to do is find a healthy Christian community that we can be honest with about our struggles. God brought me into a Living Waters program. There are other great communities out there as well including Husband Material and Celebrate Recovery. Finally, we need to embrace the process and be gracious to ourselves. Transformation doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time. As we grow in our healing, we learn to grow in healthy relationships with others in the Body of Christ. As we learn to walk with others, we learn to live according to God’s unique design for our lives. Life gets a lot more fulfilling.

Great recovery resources are available from

Husband Material at www.husbandmaterial.com.

Questions Written by Drew Boa of Husband Material. Used by permission.

© 2021 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.  This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given to Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.

The Equality Act and Cancel Culture - A Look at the Horizon

Dan Hitz is the Executive Director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. He is a licensed professional counselor, an ordained minister, and an EMDR trained, certified clinical trauma professional. Dan helps men, women, and adolescents find healing through the transformational power of Jesus Christ.

 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33 NIV

Image used under license with Shutterstock.com.

As the Equality Act continues to make its way through the US Senate, Jesus’ words remind us to lean on Him as we face significant trials. Jesus plainly told the disciples that they would face trials and tribulations in this world. He didn’t do that to fuel their fear and anxiety. He wanted to prepare them. He wanted to show them the importance of living in complete dependence on God. When things did get tough, they could remember Jesus’ words and all that He taught them along the way.

That is the intent of this newsletter, to prepare you for what may be on the horizon, whether it comes through the Equality Act or through the waves of cancel culture that seem to be flooding the globe. In this world we will have tribulation, but take heart, Jesus has overcome the world! He can equip us to do the same.

As we watch the progression of the Equality Act in the US, we can see similar laws working their way through the legal systems of many western nations. A ban on conversion therapy in Victoria, Australia carries penalties of up to ten years in prison and/or fines up to $200,000. Canadian Parliament continues to debate Bill C-6, a conversion therapy ban that also carries significant prison and financial penalties. Other nations or regions have already implemented similar conversion therapy bans including Brazil, Ecuador, and Mexico City. Germany has banned conversion therapy for anyone under 18. Twenty states in the US currently ban conversion therapy for minors. The United Nations is working on the Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Mandate, a detailed plan to pressure nations to implement bans on sexual orientation and gender identity therapy that helps people overcome unwanted LGBTQ issues. Most bans expressly forbid therapists and caregivers from helping people move from an LGBTQ identity towards a heterosexual identity that embraces one’s birth gender (cisgender), while specifically supporting therapy to help someone move from a heterosexual or cisgender identity to an LGBTQ identity.

Culturally speaking, “conversion therapy” means any therapy, spiritual direction, or support of any type that helps people explore the possibility of moving away from an LGBTQ identity towards a heterosexual identity, and/or the possibility of moving away from a transgender identity to embrace their birth gender. (Individuals who embrace their birth gender are referred to as cisgender.) As earlier mentioned, people who support conversion therapy bans openly support assistance to help someone explore the process of moving away from a heterosexual or cisgender identity towards an LBGTQ identity. The term “conversion therapy” itself is misleading. LGBTQ advocates have created the term which fuels suspicion among non-believers who see the thought of converting anyone as wrong, and inspires mockery among the LGBTQ community as they perceive someone trying to convert them from gay to straight as utter nonsense. Proponents of conversion therapy bans regularly claim that those who practice it use force, coercion, shock treatments, nausea inducing drugs and violence. Shock treatments may have been used into the 50s for a wide variety of mental health issues; however, no reputable therapists today use shock treatments or any other such harmful practices in the care of anyone seeking to overcome LGBTQ issues. Proponents of conversion therapy bans seek to establish guilt by association. They seek to discredit appropriate care from trained therapists, pastoral caregivers, and peer support offered to willing participants by falsely claiming harmful practices.

What are the chances of the Equality Act passing the US Senate and being signed into law by the President? It depends on who you ask. Throughout this process, this author felt like he was watching breaking news coverage of a natural disaster or a traumatic event. During such news casts, it’s not unusual to hear one specific detail one moment, and a contrasting detail the next. Initially, reports of the chances of the act passing in the Senate were evenly divided. A recent review of the prognosis at www.govtrack.us, which describes itself as “the leading non-governmental source of legislative information and statistics”, cites Skopos Labs which gives the act a 24% chance of being enacted. The President has said that passing the Equality Act was his number one legislative priority within the first 100 days of taking office. If it passes the Senate, he will surely sign it into law.

Whether or not the Equality Act will ban conversion therapy, or make it illegal for pastors to preach against LGBTQ issues is another one of the issues that has shifted as more analysis is presented. Initially, it seemed that the act would make such things illegal. While the act does specifically state that conversion therapy is “discriminatory”, “discredited”, and “harmful”; it does not specifically ban such therapy or sermons. However, it does lay the groundwork to ban therapy and opens the door for discrimination lawsuits against churches and therapists that hold to traditional Scriptural interpretations. The belief that marriage should be between one male and one female would be identified as a “sexual stereotype” and discriminatory [Section 2(a)(2)]. It is now expected that a nationwide ban on conversion therapy would be presented quickly if the Equality Act becomes law.

The author of this newsletter is not a lawyer or legal expert. You are encouraged to do your own research and consult your own legal counsel where necessary. (You can find the full text of the Equality Act at https://www.congress.gov/bill/116th-congress/house-bill/5/text.) However, the author has researched the Equality Act and has heard from others who have more extensive knowledge than he. Here are a few of the primary concerns about the act:

The Equality Act will amend the Civil Rights Act of 1964 to “prohibit discrimination on the basis of sex, gender identity and sexual orientation, and for other purposes…” [Title Page, Introduction]. It will elevate the fluid and subjective traits of sexual orientation and gender identity to the same legal level of protection as the immutable traits of skin color and biological sexual identity.

The Equality Act will eliminate the protections from the Religious Freedom Restoration Act of 1993. The Equality Act reads, “The Religious Freedom Restoration Act of 1993 shall not provide a claim concerning, or a defense to a claim under, a covered title, or provide a basis for challenging the application or enforcement of a covered title.” [Section 1107] In other words, ministries, Christian medical practitioners, and Christian employers will not be able to use the RFRA as a defense if charged with a violation of the Equality Act.

The Equality Act will eliminate freedom of conscience protection for medical personnel. The act uses the phrase “pregnancy, childbirth, or related medical condition” [Section 1106(a)(1-2)] to include abortion. The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission and the 3rd Circuit Court have interpreted “related medical condition” to include abortion [https://www.heritage.org/gender/report/11-myths-about-hr-5-the-equality-act-2021]. Therefore, doctors can be required to perform abortions against their religious convictions or face discrimination charges. If a doctor performs mastectomies on a woman who has breast cancer, he would also be required to perform a double mastectomy on a biological female who identifies as a transgender male or face discrimination charges.

The Equality Act specifically identifies “conversion therapy” as discriminatory and harmful, setting the stage for conversion therapy bans. The act reads, “The discredited practice known as ‘conversion therapy’ is a form of discrimination that harms LGBTQ people by undermining individuals sense of self worth, increasing suicide ideation and substance abuse, exacerbating family conflict, and contributing to second class status.” [Section 2(a)(7)] This statement ignores over 100 years of scientific research that shows a shift in one’s sexual orientation is possible and that sexual orientation is fluid. The statement also ignores countless men and women who can personally testify that they have experienced a shift in their sexual attractions and/or have overcome a transgender identity and now embrace their biological sex with improved emotional health.

The Equality Act will eliminate traditional gender separation in multiple areas including domestic abuse shelters, bathrooms and locker rooms; and demands that they open them up to either biological gender. The act addresses shared facilities and reads, “an individual shall not be denied access to a shared facility, including a restroom, a locker room, and a dressing room, that is in accordance with the individual’s gender identity…” [Section 1101(b)(2)] It also addresses public accommodations by stating, “any establishment that provides a good, service, or program, including a store, shopping center, online retailer or service provider, salon, bank, gas station, food bank, service or care center, shelter, travel agency, or funeral parlor, or establishment that provides health care, accounting, or legal services…” [Section 3(a)(4)] Homeless shelters will be required to allow a biological male who perceives himself as a female to share the same facilities as the vulnerable woman finding refuge in the shelter. Churches and secular gyms will likely have to open their locker rooms based on perceived gender or face discrimination charges. How this legally applies to a church bathroom during a religious service is unclear. Churches that merely hold religious services may be able to uphold their traditional boundaries; however, any church that operates a daycare or school, or rents out their fellowship hall or gym will likely be required to follow the mandates of the act [https://www.brotherhoodmutual.com/resources/safety-library/risk-management-articles/religious-freedom/religious-freedom-equality-act/].

Precisely how the Equality Act will affect churches is yet to be determined. Many people claim that the First Amendment to the US Constitution blocks the effects of the Equality Act for churches; however, a well-known insurance company used by many religious organizations acknowledges that churches may be required to follow the act during non-religious activities and when hiring non-religious personnel such as custodians and administrative staff. As Christian beliefs are legally identified as discriminatory and harmful, they would likely loose their First Amendment protection. One thing is certain, this law will face many legal challenges that could take years to resolve. There are Christian legal groups ready to file lawsuits against the law the moment it is enacted. Many scholars agree that the Equality Act is one of the gravest threats to religious freedom this country has ever faced.

Even if the Equality Act does not become law, Christians and conservatives will likely see their freedoms continue to pass away as the forces of cancel culture become stronger. Not even large corporations or famous celebrities are immune to the cancel culture that screams, “Agree with our political correctness or we will bring you to ruin!” Conservative businesses and organizations have faced boycotts and paid a heavy price for their values. Conservative celebrities have lost significant media roles. Social media giants seem to “fact check” conservative posts with much more scrutiny than liberal ones. They seem to have no qualms against canceling the accounts of conservatives with whom they disagree while allowing the account of dictators to remain [https://nypost.com/2020/07/29/twitter-defends-blocking-trump-tweets-but-not-irans-ayatollah-khamenei/]. Restored Hope Network, a network of ministries helping men and women overcome unwanted same-sex attraction and gender confusion, saw their social media page disappear for “violating community standards”. Other conservative ministries have suffered the same fate. A retail giant has pulled books from conservative authors written to help people overcome unwanted same-sex attraction or understand gender confusion. (The author of this article knows some of those authors personally, and can attest to their compassion and godliness.) That same retail giant continues to offer Adolf Hitler’s Miene Komfth and Karl Marx’s Communist Manifesto. Still other conservative ministries have had their videos pulled off of video hosting platforms or had their channel demonetized. The list of challenges to conservative organizations is much too extensive to include in a single newsletter. They include conservative organizations and industries losing their banking services, and attacks on the professional licenses of therapist who uphold Biblical principles.

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How can we live for Christ in an era that makes living for Christ difficult? We must remember the words of Christ at the beginning of this article, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” [John 16:33 NIV] We must remember the words of Jesus when he told the disciples, “Look, I am sending you out as sheep among wolves. So be a shrewd as snakes and harmless as doves.” [Matthew 10:16 NLT] We must continue to draw nearer to Christ, and determine that we are living for eternity, and not for the here and now. As we find refuge in Him, we are equipped and strengthened for the challenges of the day. We must determine not to compromise our faith and our convictions no matter the cost.

On the practical side, we can begin to research the companies that we do business with and be prepared to transfer to more Christian friendly companies if and when necessary. We can support conservative companies over those that use their profits to support liberal endeavors. One resource to help you find out where organizations stand on conservative values is www.2ndvote.com. Another important step is to contact your US Senators and urge them not to support the Equality Act. You can find out who your elected officials are at www.usa.gov/elected-officials/. If you are living in Michigan, you probably won’t be surprise to know that Senator Stabenow is in favor of the act, and that Senator Peters is a cosponsor. Even if they are already a vocal proponent of the Equality Act, it is important to register your opposition now to provide more legal support later on if the law is challenged in the courts.

Most importantly, do not give up. Remember, we are living for eternity. Jesus tells us many times in Scripture that persecution will come. He also tells us many times not to be afraid. In John 16:3, He tells us, “They will do such things because they have not known the Father or me.” That verse helps me to have compassion for those who would persecute us. Our persecutors are eternal souls who desperately need the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ or they will go to Hell. Sometimes those who oppose us the most are the very ones who most need the valuable message that we carry. They don’t know the peace that comes from a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. They don’t know the peace of living for eternity. We do. We must not compromise. We must continue to speak the truth in love and bring the message of salvation to a dying world. That may be one of the most important lessons we’re supposed to learn in all of this. Christ alone can sustain us and give us a heart to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us [Matthew 5:44]. Jesus has been preaching that message for over 2000 years. He wants us to live that message every day.

Photos used under license with www.shutterstock.com. © 2021 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given to Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.

Now is the time to stand for righteousness. You can make a difference!

In this month’s newsletter, you’ll read Dawn’s testimony of deliverance from a life of abuse, addiction, and homosexuality. She is just one of the many people you’ve helped find healing and transformation through your support of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan. Dawn is a beautiful example of God’s grace, and the power of faith-based recovery groups like Living Waters, Mending the Soul, Celebrate Recovery, and more. You have made a difference in Dawn’s life, and the lives of so many others who have benefited from the support groups, prayer ministry, licensed counseling, and spiritual care that you help provide.

We desperately need your help. The future of ministries like Reconciliation Ministries that help men and women overcome unwanted same-sex attraction and gender confusion hangs in the balance. On Thursday, February 25th, the US House of Representatives voted 224 to 206 to pass the Equality Act. The fate of this bill in the Senate is unclear; however, President Biden has stated that he intends to sign the act into law within the first 100 days of his presidency. The Equality Act is one of the biggest threats to religious freedom that our country has ever faced.

Here are just a few of the disastrous effects of The Equality Act:

• It would remove protections offered to faith-based organizations under The Religious Freedom Restoration Act of 1993.

• Faith-based organizations will be obligated to accept and follow federal LGBTQ guidelines or face severe penalties.

• The Equality Act will remove freedom of conscience protection from medical practitioners forcing them to perform abortions and provide gender affirming treatments regardless of their convictions and religious doctrine.

• The law identifies any form of support to help anyone overcome unwanted same-sex attraction or gender confusion and embrace biblical sexuality as discrimination.

• The bill would mandate licensed professional therapists and pastoral caregivers to affirm LGBTQ attractions regardless of their religious convictions and the desires of their clients.

You can find more information in the links at the end of this article.

You can make a difference. Contact your US Senators today and urge them not to sponsor or support the Equality Act.

Please be respectful and courteous in your communications with them. Affirm the value and dignity of all people regardless of their beliefs. This includes people within the LGBTQ community as well as people within communities of faith. Let them know if you or someone you love has been helped to overcome homosexuality and/or gender confusion through pastoral care, licensed therapy, and/or support groups. Urge them to keep that option available for others. Keep your communications brief and to the point. You can find your US Senators at https://www.senate.gov/senators/senators-contact.htm.

Thank you for helping to keep the freedom of religion alive in the United States. This is an important time in our nation’s history, and you can make a difference.

Here is more information about The Equality Act:

The House version of The Equality Act
http://lc.org/PDFs/Attachments2PRsLAs/2019/031819EqualityActHR5.pdf

A Call to Action on the Equality Act – Doug Clay, General Superintendent Assemblies of God, USA
https://news.ag.org/en/news/a-call-to-action-on-the-equality-act?fbclid=IwAR2LzpSwrurgIvGj0lkpTCRcC2Ej6tkUlukkMe9a3yyiYRQAO-mJyC3eV3o  

A Dangerous Attack on Religious Freedom and Free Speech – Liberty Counsel
https://www.lcaction.org/HR5  

The FAQS: What You Should Know about the Pro-LGBTQ Equality Act – Gospel Coalition
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/the-faqs-what-you-should-know-about-the-pro-lgbtq-equality-act/

Thank you for speaking out for the religious freedom of our country. Your voice matters!

In Christ,

Dan Hitz and your friends at Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.

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God’s Redeeming Love and Deliverance
Dawn Lynn Mann

Dawn is a friend of Reconciliation Ministries and an alumna of the Living Waters program. She is a Celebrate Recovery leader, and a Justice Ambassador for Prison Fellowship. Through the power of Jesus Christ, Dawn has overcome abuse, addiction, and sexual brokenness. She shares her testimony publicly to encourage others. Dawn is also a writer, and the facilitator of an online recovery group. You can read her blog at www.dawnlynnmann.com/feed.

I was pulled into an abyss of an already darkened world by my spiritual blindness. I believed in God but didn’t really know who He was. I surely didn’t live for Him. This path of destruction was paved with despair that left me feeling lonely, sad, deserted, and hopeless. I was a scared, insecure child. All I ever wanted was to be loved, but it became something else. This perverted abuse started as a young child. I tried to have boyfriends, but even through my teenage years their sex drive became too strong to the point of one attempting to rape me. Therefore, I was extremely uncomfortable and fearful of boys who would later become men.

I was afraid to let my feelings out, so I kept them hidden. I began experimenting with alcohol and unfortunately discovered I liked the sense of being free. I lost all inhibitions and felt I was no longer held captive inside my body, but I also was very naïve. One night, I went to a house, thinking I was going to have a couple drinks with other people. Once I arrived, I found I was alone. The house was dark. Two men took advantage of me and stripped me of every inch of dignity I had. At the time I didn’t identify this as rape, or my past experiences as sexual assault and abuse. I stayed silent. I blamed myself.

Later, I was introduced to cocaine. My newest friends were “drug lords.” I was drawn into an underground world completely covered in darkness where killings were rampant. I was trapped under their influence. One night I was led with a runner to a hotel room with no way out. Nothing happened, but that feeling of entrapment came flooding in from what I now know was complex PTSD. My fear of men ran deep. I felt so uncomfortable and completely pushed them away and turned the other direction.

I didn’t know how to face what I was afraid of. I was torn up. This secret stayed bottled up in agonizing silence and led to sexual attraction to other women. One night the shame was more than I could bare. I attempted to drink myself to death. Not too long after that, I met a woman and for the first time felt safe and deeply in love. Drinking was set aside for only special occasions. After 15 years, it fell apart from the tragedies of life. It left me completely devastated and my heart was shattered in pieces. I began to physically hurt. Alcohol gave me an escape once again. Death returned to knock on my door, this time with the question, “How many Xanax could I take to safely knock me out?” What I didn’t know was that even the minimum amount was more than my heart could bare.

I longed to fill my brokenness and find love. I began experimenting by going to gay bars. What I found were people like me. I belonged, felt safe, and was understood. I thought I found new friends. The next few years, I had a few more relationships. I was an emotional mess and my longing to be loved became deeply enmeshed with broken relationships. I started drinking heavily from not knowing how to cope with the mental and emotional abuse from one of these relationships. One night, after an argument with my girlfriend, I found myself at a bar where a man bought me a couple of strong drinks. His advances became extremely inappropriate. The moment I found a way to escape, I left. I was pulled over by the police as soon as I left the parking lot and was arrested. I went straight to jail and charged with a DUI.

My last relationship, where I thought I found love, was filled with verbal, emotional, and spiritual abuse. I didn’t feel safe and was extremely afraid of her. By God’s power the door was finally shut. Not too long after that I got pulled over for speeding. I thought I had waited enough time to sober up, but an alcohol reading of .08 showed otherwise. A hard lesson learned where I take responsibility and thank God that I didn’t have more alcohol in my system and no harm was done to others. I went straight to jail. This time I cried out to God, “Please help me, I am so sorry, I will do anything.” Then God showed me a story about someone else who had been convicted of a DUI. Tears came flooding in. I wasn’t alone. I reached out to that person in my hopeless despair. I was scared and full of shame, but I couldn’t believe how God’s love poured into me through somebody I didn’t even know. It is a moment in my life I will never forget. The DUI was a blessing in disguise because it is when I truly started seeking God with all my heart. My relationship with Him became alive. This is when I surrendered and gave not only my heart, but my life to Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

God had done so much healing in revealing truth, but I wanted to go even deeper. That is exactly what God did through the Living Waters program where He focused on my sexual confusion and abuse. When I spoke from my heart in a safe group, it brought another level of healing from all the pain of abuse I incurred during the darkest times of my past. I wasn’t alone that night. Someone was by my side, held my hand, and wept with me. As I spoke the pain of what was done to Jesus on that cross, where He bore it all and took it upon Himself, I heard Him say, “I have always loved you with an everlasting love.”

I have now been living a life of sobriety for over four years by the grace of God. Jesus is now the One who fills up every broken, empty place with the gift of the Holy Spirit residing in me. Drugs and alcohol were once the lingering effects of the devastation from trauma of sexual abuse and assault. A cleansing love of Jesus Christ like I have never experienced before now resides in my heart. The Lord delivered me from the debilitating fear of men that plunged me into having gay relationships. The love for my ex was and is real, but it is different now as the Lord is the love of my life. I am no longer fearful of men or living a past life of homosexuality. I have been set free by the precious blood of Jesus.

Jesus said to the people who believed in Him, “You are truly My disciples if you remain faithful to My teachings. And you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” [John 8:31-32 NLT] The truth is, real love is only found in Jesus.

I now have been sharing God’s story of love and redemption to help others find the hope and freedom that I so desperately needed. The Lord has opened the door to share my story in many churches, and with Celebrate Recovery, a podcast, YouTube, and via radio. I sponsor and mentor others as I have been, and continue to be. I teach God’s word, lead small group, and serve as a Celebrate Recovery leader and a Justice Ambassador for Prison Fellowship. My story, “Breaking Free”, is published in a compilation book, Faith and Freedom. I am blessed to have some of my articles published in Arise Daily, Leading Hearts Magazine, and on my blog. I write about hard stuff that is hidden and bring it into the light to help others benefit from what God has brought me through. I facilitate a safe ministry group where others can come together and share true stories to bring hope and help others. In February I was on a panel discussing sexuality and finding hope and freedom highlighting God’s love for the Arise Esther Virtual Conference. I am looking forward to sharing my testimony with Freedom March in the months ahead. All of this is made possible by the love, redemption, and transformation that Jesus provided through the cross.

I have started the process of writing my own book. The Lord has put a deep passion in my heart to see others set free, and I stand in Christ’s authority on a mission to win souls for the Kingdom of God. He has told me to clear my stuff out and make the light load, wait on Him, and be ready to go. I’m listening to Him. I say, Yes Lord, Your will, Your way.

You can read Dawn’s blog here: www.dawnlynnmann.com/feed

You can access Dawn’s Facebook group here: www.facebook.com/groups/bondagefree

© 2021 Dawn Lynn Mann. Printed in the Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. newsletter with permission.

There is Hope

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” - Jesus in John 16:33 NIV

Imaged used under license with www.shutterstock.com.

Lately I’ve found myself returning to John 16:33 for comfort. To say that we are in stressful times is a cosmic understatement. As Christians, we know that our only peace is in Jesus Christ, but sometimes we have a hard time walking that out. Worry and uncertainty make many of us more susceptible to the temptations and sin that “so easily trips us up” (Hebrews 12:1 NLT). If you’ve found your battle with sexual sin and broken relationships increasing lately, reach out for help. Don’t give in to the false comfort of pornography, anonymous encounters, or codependency. Jesus can bring you peace and give you strength to live for Him.

I was reminded of the precious love of Jesus a few days ago as I was privileged to share my testimony of overcoming sexual abuse and unwanted homosexuality at a Celebrate Recovery meeting in Saginaw. As I was sharing my story of growing up in pain and trying to make that pain go away through sin, I could see the hurt in many faces. I could sense that they understood the journey. These brothers and sisters knew what it was like to experience pain – some self-inflicted, some inflicted by others – and try to make that pain go away through sin. They knew the futility of it. They were also experiencing the beautiful love and transformation of Jesus Christ to heal our hearts and empower us to rise above the pain and live for Him. The love that Jesus has for everyone in that room is overwhelming.

Jesus has that same love for you. If you are struggling with sexual sin, the effects of abuse, or you’re trying again to find peace in the arms of another; look towards Christ. Reach out for help. We at Reconciliation Ministries understand the journey. Our next session of Living Waters is on January 25th. Living Waters can help you experience Jesus in a powerful way, and experience freedom. We have special tuition discounts due to the challenges of COVID, and we will be following COVID protocols for safety. We also offer licensed counseling and prayer ministry. Call us at 586.739.5114, and let us walk with you to Jesus. He loves you. He can change your life.

When he [Jesus] saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. - Matthew 9:36 NIV

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Needless to say, 2020 has brought challenges that I doubt any of us have ever imagined. This verse has given me a lot of comfort and a lot to think about in the past few days. Jesus, the Great Shepherd, looked out over Jerusalem with compassion because he realized they were “harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd”. What strikes me is the compassion that Jesus had on the very people who would turn on him in a relatively short amount of time. He still longed to gather them together as a hen gathers her chicks and nurture them. Jesus, the Great Shepherd, truly desires to comfort and protect all of His sheep. No matter how far they have fallen from Him. No matter how imperfect they are. Whether they’re getting harassed through no fault of their own, or they’re being harassed because they’ve taken the bait of a fallen world. The bait that looks freeing, yet offers nothing but bondage. Jesus invites all of us to experience His compassion.

Image licensed through www.shutterstock.com.

We’ve faced a lot of challenges over the past year. Challenges brought on not only by the pandemic, but also socially and politically. Over the past few weeks, I’ve talked to a lot of people with election anxiety. Both candidates have triggered fear and vulnerability. Of course, there are good people on both sides of this election. Some feel like this nation finally gotten a “good shepherd”. Some feel like their “good shepherd” has been stolen away from them. Some people’s hearts are sinking because the human they’ve seen as their shepherd who could lead them through the challenges of this world seems to have been taken away from them, and efforts to seek justice appear to be falling on deaf ears. Maybe we’ve been looking for a shepherd in the wrong places. Maybe God is trying to get our attention. We need to be looking towards the right shepherd. The Shepherd whose birth is being celebrated all around the world. The only one who suffered and died for our sins. The only one who offers the hope of resurrection life.

Jesus said, “Let not your hearts be troubled…” He is our faithful Shepherd who will never leave us or forsake us. Never! Regardless of the storms of life that we navigate through… Regardless of the sins and weaknesses we wrestle with… Jesus Christ is always waiting for us at the cross. He is the one who will walk with us through the fire. He is the only shepherd who can transform us into His image and carry us through whatever trials come our way. He is our only hope.

Jesus came to have compassion on those who are harassed and helpless. You can have compassion on them too. Reconciliation Ministries is called to serve those who are trapped by the deceitfulness of sin. Those bound by heterosexual lust, pornography, and sexual addiction. Those held captive by LGBTQ identities. Those who were wounded through no fault of their own as helpless victims of sexual abuse. As a member of the Reconciliation Ministries support team, your prayers and financial support can help men, women, and adolescents experience the transformational power of Jesus Christ. You can touch the heart of harassed and hopeless brothers and sisters and help them experience freedom in Christ. Please make a tax-deductible year-end donation to Reconciliation Ministries. You can donate securely online by clicking here. We thank you for helping us bridge the gap between the church and the sexually broken.

In Christ, Dan Hitz and your friends at Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.

Minor Attracted Persons – How Will the Church Respond?

Dan Hitz is the Executive Director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. He is a licensed professional counselor, an ordained minister, and a certified clinical trauma professional. Dan helps men, women, and adolescents struggling with sexual brokenness and the trauma of abuse find healing through the transformational power of Jesus Christ.

“Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners. This saying is true, and it can be trusted. I was the worst sinner of all!”

The Apostle Paul in 1 Timothy 1:15 Contemporary English Version

Trigger Warning: This article covers a sensitive topic that some may find triggering. It is not meant to cause distress. It is meant to show that Jesus Christ can forgive, redeem, and transform anyone. Even those many people see as the worst sinners of all.

Certainly there are quite a few cultural firestorms going on right now. Each firestorm has its share of voices. Some loud. Some soft. Some biblical. Some irrational. It’s easy to get our eyes off of Jesus and find our hearts pulled into the turmoil and confusion. During this time, it’s important to keep our eyes and hearts focused on Jesus and trust Him to lead us through the storm.

One of the newest cultural firestorms is in the realm of pedophilia. You may have heard the phrase “minor attracted person”. This firestorm triggers a wide range of emotions. It also triggers a variety of voices. The loudest voice on my personal social media feed shouts something like, “If you touch any of my kids, I’ll kill you.” I’ve heard this voice from Christians and unbelievers alike. The unexpected voice that brought that response says something like, “Sex between adults and ‘consenting’ minors can be a beautiful thing”. Of course, that voice is completely wrong and utterly destructive. It comes from the camp promoting pedophilia (sexual desires directed towards pre-pubescent children), hebephilia (sexual attraction towards those in early adolescence), and ebophilia (sexual attraction towards mid to late adolescents). They are working to normalize the concept of “minor attracted persons” in much the same way that homosexuality and transgenderism have been normalized over the years.

There is another voice coming from those who are acknowledging the concept of minor attracted persons. It has a different goal. That voice comes from those who admit that they are sexually attracted to minors; however, they see such attractions as problematic and believe that engaging in those attractions is to be avoided at all costs. They are the voice saying things like, “I am a minor attracted person, but I do not want to act upon my attractions. I need help”. This voice tends to be very timid. This voice desperately needs help. Help that is very hard to find. It takes a lot of guts for someone to admit that he or she is struggling with attractions that understandably illicit strong negative reactions in the hearts of most people. This group often struggles in silence and isolation. This group desperately needs to hear the voice of the fourth group that says something like, “We hear that you exist and are wrestling with attractions towards something that is very devastating for those involved. Jesus Christ also hears you.  He can help you. Jesus Christ can transform your heart and help you overcome attractions to minors.”

That is the voice you will hear from Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan. No matter what you struggle with. No matter what you have done. No matter what has been done to you. We are here to walk with you to Jesus. There is help. There is hope. Through my past twenty years of involvement with Reconciliation Ministries, I’ve had the privilege of seeing Jesus work in the hearts of men and women who were brave enough to admit their sexual attractions to children and come for help. Some acted on their attractions and spent time in the legal system. Others hadn’t acted on their desires, but were already imprisoned in condemnation and shame. I’ve seen Jesus transform the hearts of these precious, men and women – whom many would label as the worst sinners of all – into bright lights for His glory and grace. Some of them have been brave enough to share their stories with others and help them find freedom and transformation in Christ.

I have to mention one of the biggest challenges that those who are attracted to minors face when they consider getting help; the fear of incarceration. Counselors and ministry team members are mandated reporters for suspected acts of child abuse. That means if we suspect that someone has abused a child who is currently under the age of 18, we are legally obligated to report that situation to child protective services and/or law enforcement officials. I’ve had to make some of these difficult calls through the years. I’ve gotten angry responses from a few of those people and their family members. I’ve been threatened. Surprisingly, I’ve also been thanked. One time I had to report a counseling client for violating the terms of his parole by spending time with a minor. After he was confronted by his parole officer, he called to thank me. He explained that he knew he wasn’t supposed to be involved in this type of situation, but he couldn’t stop. He hadn’t harmed the minor at that point, but he was afraid he would have if the situation continued. He was repentant. He owned his sin. He was able to move forward without receiving a parole violation or harming an innocent person.

Although it is true that we are mandated reporters of suspected acts of child abuse, we are also legally obligated to uphold confidentiality in situations that are not reportable. If someone comes to us and tells us that they are attracted to minors but have not acted upon those attractions, we are required to uphold confidentiality and will help that participant receive the help that he or she needs. If someone comes to us and confesses that he or she abused a minor in the past, but that minor is now over the age of 18, we are not required to report that situation. I’m sharing this information so that those who have not committed a reportable situation, but may be fearful of prosecution, can receive the help they need.

The question I have for many of you reading this article is, “How will you respond to someone who admits that he or she is either attracted to children, or is a registered sex offender and is looking to the church for help?” Will you reject him or her outright as the worst type of human being alive, or will you see him as one for whom Jesus died? I’ll admit I struggled with this years ago when the Lord began to call me to work with sex offenders. At this point we had already seen the pain and devastation of sexual abuse on two close family members we loved dearly. I was outraged that God would ask me to work with offenders after seeing the destructive ripple effects of abuse. The Lord replied, “You Christians say so easily, ‘Without the grace of God, there go I.’ Do you really believe that, or is it just something that sounds good?”. I was broken. I replied, “Okay, Lord. Without Your grace, I’m capable of doing so much worse.” To this day, some of the brightest lights I’ve seen for Jesus are sex offenders who have fully repented and have been transformed into men and women who reflect the image of God.

What voice do you hear in your heart? Is it one of fear and rejection, or is it one that calls others to repentance and offers hope for redemption? Of course, we need appropriate boundaries. Even in the church we may have to follow safety protocols and observe parole/probation restrictions. We can create a safe environment while we walk with those who are struggling. We can be ministers of God’s grace and help our brothers and sisters overcome.

If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual attractions to minors, don’t hide in the darkness. We at Reconciliation Ministries are here to walk with you to Jesus. He can transform your heart and equip you to walk in freedom. Call us at 586.739.5114.

Photos used with permission from www.unsplash.com.

© 2020 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.  This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given to Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.

Overcoming Psychological Abuse: A Summary of a Book by Shannon Thomas LCSW

This article is a summary of the book, Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse, by Shannon Thomas, LCSW. The author is not overtly Christian; however, her writing is supportive of healthy spirituality and she gives indications that she is a Christian. The book is copyright 2016 and available from MAST Publishing House. Dan Hitz compiled this summary. He is a licensed professional counselor, an ordained minister, and the executive director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.

If you’ve ever been the target of a psychological abuser, you know the emotional devastation they can cause. Self-doubt and shame can follow the survivor for years after the abuse and cast doubt on their abilities, their character, and even their own mental health. Psychological abusers can be family members, love interests, co-workers, employers, and even leaders within the local church. Abusers are drawn to people who can make them look good. Once trust is gained, they begin to cannibalize the victim and dismantle the very strengths they were originally drawn to. When the target has served his purpose or begins to implement boundaries, he is discarded and a new target is sought. One that can continue to serve the desires of the abuser.

In her book, Healing from Hidden Abuse, Shannon Thomas describes the journey a survivor of psychological abuse endures during their relationship with the toxic person, and during their recovery in the aftermath of the abuse. She describes the character traits of abusers who meet the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Antisocial Personality Disorder (commonly referred to as a sociopath or psychopath). Thomas writes that far from being helpless victims of emotional brokenness who aren’t aware of the damage they cause their victims, psychological abusers fully understand the consequences of their actions and calculate almost every move they make. Abusers know how to look good in front of others, and have “perfected their acting skills” to gain the sympathy and trust of those they want to control. They are masters of self-preservation. They are also masters at gas lighting, charisma, anger, and manipulation. Psychological abusers are often well respected by those who know them only casually. These people have only been the target of their positive public relations campaigns. They’ve never been allowed to get close enough to the abuser to see their true colors.

Thomas uses the following analogy to describe the differences between narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths on page 20 of her book:

• A Narcissist will run you over and scold you for being in their way. They will endlessly complain about how you damaged their car.

• A Sociopath will run you over, scold you for being in their way, and smirk because secretly they get entertainment out of the chaos they’ve created.

• A Psychopath will go to great lengths and take calculated steps to ensure they run you over, laugh while doing it, and back up to make sure the most damage is done.

Thomas identifies the six stages of recovery from psychological abuse as despair, education, awakening, boundaries, restoration, and maintenance. She does an excellent job of describing each stage of abuse and guiding the reader through each stage. She provides definitions along the way to help the reader understand each step of their journey.

Stage One: Despair – Thomas explains that most survivors don’t realize that they have been abused in the beginning of their recovery. They seek help because they are emotionally distressed, depressed, anxious, hopeless, and often suicidal. Recovery begins by ensuring the survivor is in a safe place and not in danger of harming themselves or being harmed by another. Next, the therapist helps the survivor look at the source of her emotional distress and her reactions to it. This can be a stressful phase for the survivor.

Stage Two: Education – Psychological abuse is well calculated and strategized. This makes it difficult for the survivor to recognize and describe. This is part of the abuser’s plan. In the education stage, the survivors will learn the techniques used by abusers and gain new words to describe what they have experienced. This will help them identify what they have been through and understand how it has affected them. It will also help them understand the reaction of others who seem to be a part of the abuser’s hierarchy and why no one seemed to come to their rescue.

Stage Three: Awakening – This is the point in the survivor’s recovery where the light switch seems to go on and he can describe what has happened to him. The emotional fog begins to lift and he sees things more clearly. He no longer feels secluded and trapped in the abuse, and begins to feel a sense of strength in his recovery. Recovery is a long process, and many survivors find themselves fluctuating frequently between the awakening stage and despair. The survivor may also begin to experience anger towards his abuser as he begins to recognize more fully how the abuse has affected him.

Stage Four: Boundaries – This is an important stage where survivors have gained enough emotional strength to overcome the addictive sense that they had to the abusive relationship. She will begin taking steps to move away from the abuser. She may have to choose between no longer having any contact with the abuser, such as ending the relationship altogether or finding new employment; or “detached contact” in the case of those with shared custody of children. Setting boundaries with the abuser can be difficult at times, and the survivor will need support. Some survivors may get stuck in this stage.

Stage Five: Restoration – During this stage, the survivor begins to recover the important aspects of her life that have been robbed or damaged by the abuser. These include financial stability, emotional and mental health, material possessions, and life goals. Restoring these aspects of one’s life is a process that can take much longer than survivors anticipate. She will need patience, and the ability to recognize how much progress she has made regardless of what remains to be restored.

Stage Six: Maintenance – In the maintenance stage the survivor feels confident enough to begin enjoying new relationships and challenges with a sense that he will be able to remain safe from future abuse. He will be able to recognize toxic people sooner and use his coping skills to avoid being victimized again. Survivors may occasionally revisit some of the earlier stages of recovery to gain a deeper healing from some of the wounds they have experienced.

If you are a survivor of psychological abuse, Shannon Thomas’s book, Healing from Hidden Abuse, can be a helpful resource in your recovery.

Although psychological abuse is devastating, there is hope. You can receive healing and thrive through the grace and power of Jesus Christ. If you are a survivor of psychological abuse, or are currently involved in a psychologically abusive relationship, we are Reconciliation Ministries are here to walk with you in your healing journey. Call us at 586.739.5114.

Photos used under license with www.shutterstock.com. © 2020 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.  This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given to Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.

See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ. Galatians 2:8

Thank you for helping those who are bound by sin experience the transforming grace and love of Jesus Christ. My heart was burdened this week as I joined other Restored Hope Network member ministry leaders in prayer for the sexual brokenness of our country. My heart was especially burdened for those in the younger generation who believe the lie that sexual orientation and gender identity are determined at birth and unchangeable. They are feeding on a constant media frenzy celebrating sexual brokenness and perversion. Many seem to take delight in running as fast and as far away from traditional sexual norms as they can. Many of us in the older generation know all too well that the temporary ecstasy of false sexual freedom eventually fades to heartache and pain. More tragically, it moves those who celebrate it further away from the redemption and transformation that Jesus Christ has to offer. Most of these people are culturally good people. Many do great things and know how to celebrate community. They are sincere in their pursuit of sexual excitement and proving that love is love. My heart breaks with the realization that they are sincerely wrong. I pray that these beautiful people experience the awesome love of Jesus Christ. May they surrender to Him and experience transformation deep in their souls that leads to true sexual freedom.

Your prayers and financial support to Reconciliation Ministries offer hope to those struggling with sexual and relational brokenness. You offer a safe place for precious men, women, and adolescents to bare their hearts, ask questions, and hear truth about their sexuality. You offer a healing place for those who have been devastated by abuse to experience the healing power of Jesus Christ. Reconciliation Ministries is a place founded on Biblical truth where men and women who have experienced the redemption and transformation that Christ offers, walk with those who are struggling to the foot of the cross. A place where the broken are made whole.

Please make a tax-deductible donation today to touch the hearts of people in need. You can donate securely online by clicking here. Your financial gift can help transform lives.

In Christ,

Dan Hitz and your friends at Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.

Photo by Adrian Swancar via www.unsplash.com.

The Mandalorian in Me: Self-Protection in the Wake of Abuse

Dan Hitz is the Executive Director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Clinically Certified Trauma Professional, EMDR trained, and an ordained minister. This article shares some emotional thoughts common to many abuse survivors. More resources are available on the newsletter archives section of our website at https://recmin.org/newsletter-archives.

Image from https://www.forbes.com/sites/paultassi/2019/12/18/the-mandalorian-breaks-out-of-its-formula-for-a-thrilling-tragic-chapter-7/#17b521db3611. Retrieved 4/1/2020.

He woke up with me at red alert today. That Mandalorian in me. Many of us abuse survivors have them. Some deep inside. Others right on the surface. Ready to swing into protection at a moment’s notice. Heavily armored. Full helmet and mask. Full body armor. We have to make sure that no one – NO ONE – messes with the fearful, vulnerable part of our hearts. NO ONE. Sometimes he’s actually effective. Usually he creates a bigger mess and causes even more problems. Sometimes. Just sometimes. He actually sees the need in other people and risks something of himself to help them. Actually… for some Mandalorians… they risk a lot for other people. Is it too much? They don’t want others to face the same devastation they… themselves… have faced… Maybe even a broken motive? If we help others, maybe we won’t feel like such a useless failure. Maybe we’re trying to fabricate our own significance. Nevertheless. The armor remains. Even with those they’ve helped... No one sees behind the mask... NO ONE!

Okay, it might be obvious by now that I’ve spend some time during our stay at home order for COVID-19 watching The Mandalorian on Disney Plus. Slight spoiler alert: I’m only on episode six or so, so I don’t even know how the season ends. The stuff I’ll share here is pretty much what you would figure out even before you get through the first couple of episodes.

The Mandalorian is a series on Disney Plus based on the Star Wars film series. It follows an intergalactic bounty hunter who goes after notorious bad guys, and a few others whom the bad guys, themselves, are looking for. Of course, he carries himself like he’s not afraid of anything. Mandalorians don’t show much emotion. Maybe he just figures he’s got nothing to lose.

The Mandalorian wears special protective armor and a helmet – a mask – that he never takes off in front of anyone. Someone once asked him what happens if he takes off his mask. He said that he would never be allowed to put it back on. Forget taking off the armor. That’s not going to happen. He never gives up his protection. NEVER. Sound familiar? Many of us worry about taking off our mask. What if someone sees that vulnerable part of us underneath? What if we can never go back into hiding again?

I was triggered this morning when I woke up to an email from someone who had wounded me deeply. They were asking me for a favor. I’m not the only person on this planet who could help them, so I found myself wondering what their motives were. Past history had shown me that things aren’t usually what they appear to be with this person. I could feel the adrenaline rush hit me as I read the email. I could feel the anger. The vulnerability. The questioning of what to do. Would I listen to the upset and angry part of my heart? Would I do what the Lord would want me to do for the sake of many others? This Mandalorian found himself reaching for his weapons. Not sure if I was going to need them. Not sure if I was going to use them. Wondering if I was protected. I had actually been secretly hoping this person would ask me for help someday so I could say no. I wanted paybacks. Now that day is here. Will I get my paybacks? Other people would benefit from what they’re asking me to do. If I lower my weapon and become vulnerable, will I be protected? Will God really come through?

If you’re an abuse survivor, the battle might just sound familiar. We wear a mask. We’ve created our own heavy armor. We guard the fearful, vulnerable part of our hearts and rarely – if ever – allow it to be seen by anyone. Just like the character in the show, we try so hard to be self-sufficient, yet we find ourselves needing the help of other people. Like it or not, we end up letting others help us. Sometimes they’re good. They help because it’s the right thing to do. They don’t want anything from us in return. Sometimes their motives stink. They help because they want something from us. Their eyes seem to wander, and their hearts seem to be grabbing while they’re helping us. Truth be told, the Mandalorian in us isn’t much different from them. We’ve worked so hard at staying behind our own protective armor that we realize our own efforts are lacking. We have some deep voids. We start gravitating to people who have what we think we need. Sometimes they’re good people. Sometimes they’re not. Yup… Sometimes we help others with no ulterior motives. Sometimes we don’t. Like the Mandalorian in the show, we find ourselves making deals with some pretty unsavory people because we don’t know how else we’re going to survive. A lot of times that just seems to make things worse. Sometimes it even convinces us we need even more armor.

There is one aspect in the heart of many abuse survivors I haven’t seen in the show yet. After all, explosions and narrow escapes are much more exciting than the other side of the equation. We may spend a lot of time behind our own protective armor, but many of us also have an “anti-Mandalorian” buried deep inside our hearts. That’s the part of our hearts that actually does give up. The part of our hearts that ends up agreeing with our abusers. We surrender. We lie down in defeat. After all… if we give up and surrender the battle ends. Then we can try to convince ourselves that it all makes sense. “No wonder they treat me like garbage. That’s what I am.” Usually we use stronger words than that, but I’m trying to be nice. Instead of fighting like the Mandalorian, our anti-Mandalorian just rolls over and lets others walk all over us. We’re hoping that the destruction just gets over with quickly, and then the problem will leave us alone. When it does drag on, we tell ourselves it’s what we deserve. Maybe that one battle did end. But the war goes on.

So what is the answer? How do we let the Lord touch our hearts so that our inner Mandalorian stops trying to be self-sufficient and stops fighting our battles in our own strength? The “easy” Christian answer is to lay down our own armor and put on the armor of God. That answer is true. We do need the armor of God. But for people who have experienced significant trauma, exchanging our own armor for the armor of God is a lot easier said than done. Yet… it still needs to be done. But how? Even deeper than the Mandalorian in the heart of an abuse survivor is that part of our hearts that wonders where God was during the trauma. Was He there? Did He care? Why didn’t He stop it? I would say that those are questions that every abuse survivor has to wrestle with multiple times in their lives. We might not bring it up in general conversation. I doubt we would freely bring it up in a typical church Bible study where, unfortunately, this level of vulnerability is rare. But God really does have answers to the questions buried deep in our hearts.

God knows we have these questions. God isn’t insecure or emotionally unstable. He won’t get upset if we talk to Him about our questions. In fact, He even encourages us to talk to Him about our questions in Isaiah 1:18 which reads, “Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the Lord, “Though your sins are like scarlet, They shall be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They shall be as wool.” Reasoning implies disagreement. I don’t need to reason with someone if I’m in full agreement with them. In fact, this section of Isaiah was written for Israel when they were in rebellion against God. Even then, He invited them to reason with Him and hear His heart. He reminded them of the blessings of obedience and the consequences of disobedience. Most of the time we bring those consequences upon ourselves. Can you see how any of your past experiences with your own Mandalorian have caused more problems than they solved? How many pieces is your heart broken into?

Jesus came to heal the broken pieces of our hearts. One of my favorite sections of Scripture is Jesus’ first sermon when He quotes Isaiah 61. That was actually a prophesy about Himself. He declares that the Father sent Him to “heal the brokenhearted” and set the captives free. In the original language, the term “broken hearted” refers to shards of glass as if you broke a mirror. As we reason with the Father and open our hearts to Jesus, He graciously begins to heal one shard of glass in our hearts at a time and put us back together. He sincerely answers those difficult questions we have deep in our heart. He builds trust. The energy and self-protection of our inner Mandalorian becomes transformed into a submitted warrior for God. The energy once used in self-protection is now focused on holy pursuits. The hopeless surrender of our anti-Mandalorian becomes transformed into hopeful surrender to God. We receive eternal benefits. Instead of trying to create our own significance, we truly grasp how our significance is complete in Christ. We can forgive others while we maintain holy boundaries. Rather than grasping and clawing for what we need, we can serve others for the joy set before us and trust the Lord to provide for our needs. Best of all, we can surrender our own self-protective armor and truly put on the armor of God. Not just in our heads. It begins to grow deeper in our heats. As we learn to become vulnerable to God, we find the strength… the love… and the security we’ve been craving all along.

After I finish writing this article, I’m going to go do the favor for the person who offended me in the past. Not out of self-protection, agreeing with my offender, or seeking significance. But because it’s the right thing to do. Other people will receive eternal benefit from the action. Best of all, I now have peace.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. - Ephesians 6:10-17 NIV

Photo of eye courtesy of www.unsplash.com. Photo of man used under license with www.shutterstock.com. © 2020 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.  This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given to Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.

Never Underestimate the Power of Prayer

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. – Isaiah 41:10 [NIV]

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. – David in Psalm 56:3 [NIV]

There seems to be a lot of fear these days. Politically, socially, and especially medically. I’m not a doctor, neither do I understand virulent diseases. I can’t even begin to evaluate how much of the current COVID-19 issue is media and political fearmongering, and how much is absolute wisdom. The verses listed above seem to sum up what’s going on in the hearts of a lot of us. The Bible and Jesus clearly tell us not to fear in many situations where fear seems like a perfectly logical emotion. I’m thinking of Mark 4:35-41 when Jesus told the disciples to get in the boat and go to the other side of the lake. While they were in the middle of the lake a storm broke out and nearly sank the boat. That seems like a completely appropriate time to be afraid and the disciples started freaking out, yet Jesus was sound asleep. When the disciples did wake Him up, He calmed the storm and then rebuked them for panicking. He was trying to teach the disciples to trust the Father in the middle of the storm.

We see another example in Scripture where things look really bad and Jesus urges us not to be afraid. In Luke, Chapter 21, Jesus tells the disciples how they will be persecuted, put on trial, and maybe even killed. He follows those words with something that seems completely contradictory. He tells the disciples to “hold steady”, and that not one hair on their head will perish. That’s a bit confusing on the surface, yet we know that we are living for eternity and Jesus is 100% honest and trust worthy. There is a deeper message there. No matter what happens to our bodies, if we hold on to Jesus no one can harm our eternal souls. And there’s even more… As a recovering abuse survivor, He’s taught me that no matter what someone did or does to my body against my will, my soul is surrounded by God’s presence. The abuse did have its emotional and physical effects, yet God’s power transforms and restores. Not only are we preserved for eternity, we are empowered to fulfill God’s purpose in the here and now. Hardships don’t block us from fulfilling God’s will for our lives, hardships embraced with Christ empower us to fulfill God’s will for our lives.

Never underestimate the power of prayer. This message has been driven home to me throughout the past few months. Next week my wife will be returning home after an extended time away helping her elderly mother navigate through some personal and business challenges. My wife and I have a wonderful relationship, and I’m eagerly awaiting her return. I miss her. Her two month absence brought up some challenges for both us and our kids, logistically and emotionally. Truth be told, it’s been a challenge and I haven’t always felt the grace to be at peace throughout the experience. It showed me the tremendous power of your prayers during my six month ministry in Thailand. Marianne was with me in the middle of my time there for two months, but I was also there for four months without her. Even during the most difficult times in Thailand when I was alone, we had much more grace to navigate through the challenges than we have had in the past two months without that prayer covering. Never underestimate the power of your prayers. First of all, thank you from the bottom of our hearts for the fantastic prayer covering during my time in Thailand. Your prayers have had a tremendous impact for eternity that none of us will fully realize until we’re in Heaven. Secondly, as we all navigate through the challenge of COVID-19 and the challenging social and political landscape, it is crucial that we spend time in God’s presence and open our hearts deeply to Him. It is only in God’s presence that we have the strength to “hold steady” and fear not. Time with the Lord will empower us to boldly fulfill the call of God in our lives. God will never fail us. Ever!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:6-7 [NIV]

Photos used courtesy of www.unsplash.com.

(c) 2020 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given to Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.

“I just need help overcoming _______! Why are you asking me about my past?” Understanding Prayer Ministry and EMDR Therapy – Dan Hitz

Dan Hitz is the Executive Director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Clinically Certified Trauma Professional, EMDR trained, and an ordained minister. This article explains why it is necessary to explore one’s past while overcoming current addictions and emotional distress. The article will also explore the difference between two effective forms of care – prayer ministry and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing [EMDR].

If you’ve ever tried to overcome addictive sin, or even a plain ol’ bad habit, you know how difficult it can be. You might even know the twelve steps by heart. Maybe you tell other people how to overcome life challenges. You know how it’s supposed to be, but somehow you just can’t get it to work for you. Much of typical recovery boils down to a “fake it till you make it” approach. The problem is that our own will power only seems to work for a little while before the bottom drops out. We’ve even prayed and asked God to “take these desires away”. We’ve felt His presence during those prayers, but the desires remain. What gives?

Over the years at Reconciliation Ministries, we’ve seen the Lord heal many men and women from the trauma of abuse and neglect. Most of them didn’t come to us because of their wounds from abuse and neglect. They came to us seeking help in overcoming current sexual sins and struggles with their relationships. One of the things we talk about early in their time with us is their childhood history. It’s not unusual to have them ask, “These things happened to me over twenty years ago and I’m trying to overcome my pornography addiction right now. Why do we have to talk about something that happened a long time ago?” That’s a legitimate question. The truth is that what happened to us while we were growing up gets put into this big file cabinet in our hearts and influences the choices we make today. Our current sin and dysfunctional behavior is very often a broken reaction to a problem that started a long time ago.

If we grew up in a “healthy enough” family, the file cabinet in our hearts is in pretty good shape. Major events happened, our parents nurtured us and taught us how to cope with stress, and those experiences get put into a bunch of hanging file holders in our hearts. Each different hanging file holder has a bunch of individual files in it that confirm our healthy perceptions, and give us information of how to proceed in similar situations as they arise later in our lives. Our healthy enough family has taught us pretty good coping skills, and given us the confidence we need to take appropriate initiative in the challenges life brings our way. However, if we’ve grown up in a dysfunctional family and have experienced abuse, our file system isn’t so efficient. The files aren’t in alphabetical order.  Some might actually be missing. Sometimes there’s so much bad information in our cabinet that it can’t even hold the good information that comes our way. The bad experiences keep falling out when we least expect it, making a mess of everything. When life happens, we don’t have many healthy resources to draw from to tell us how to navigate a current challenge.

Life can get tough. That’s why we need to talk about our childhoods in the context of overcoming our current sin and emotional brokenness. The things we’re wrestling with today are very often sinful, illegitimate ways of dealing with the pain that happened a long time ago. We’re addicted to porn because we fear the pain of rejection and loneliness. We drink because we don’t know what else to do with the hurt. We’re drawn to sinful sexual activity because we’ve learned some pretty broken messages along the way. Messages like, “Sex is all I’m good for,” or “I deserve to be abused.” We keep reaching into the broken file cabinets in our hearts and pulling out bad information. We hate it, but it feels familiar. The thought of Biblical sexuality just seems too far outside our grasp. Sometimes the thought of being healthy scares us.

So how do we overcome the painful influences of our past? There are a variety of ways. The first step is to connect our hearts to the Holy Spirit and allow Him to lead the way. That thought alone can be terrifying to some of us who grew up in the church. Some have been deeply wounded by people who professed to be Christians, yet did things to us that were about as far from Christianity as they could be. Others grew up with no concept of God whatsoever. We assumed that God is just like our parents. Those who should have been the safest people in our lives may have caused us the most harm. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to trust God. He is gracious. He responds to even the weakest yes. As we say yes to God to the best of our ability, He begins to work in the depths of our soul. He begins to transform our hearts.

The next step is to be honest about our needs, and find a safe Christian who can walk with us in our healing process. We can start by reaching out to the pastoral care department of our local church. You can also call a licensed Christian counselor. Safe people can help you sort through the file cabinet in your heart and start making changes. Recovery programs, pastoral care, and Biblical licensed professional counseling can be an essential part of your healing. It can help you understand the Lord’s will for your life, provide valuable instructions for recovery, and offer support.

During the early stages of your recovery, you’ll look at things like accountability, boundaries, and ways to avoid sin. As your recovery progresses, you’ll need to start looking at the root issues of your addiction. The main need you have is not to stop doing whatever it is you’re trying to stop doing. The main need you have is to seek healing to resolve the deeper emotional issues that are causing you to do the things that you are trying to stop doing. Those are the root issues of your brokenness – the messed up files in your heart. The broken things you keep doing are the fruit issues. They’re what happens when you access those messed up files as you navigate through life.

Reconciliation Ministries offers two highly effective techniques to address the root issues of your recovery. We’ve been offering prayer ministry for years. We start with the current events and triggers – the things that bother you and cause you to react negatively – and follow them back to significant times in your young life that you had similar experiences. As we’re growing up, we often misinterpret the bad things that happen to us. Even though our adult brains can logically recognize that other people treated us inappropriately, we can still believe in our hearts that we’re defective, unworthy, hopeless… you name it. Our broken reactions in our early life created the belief systems that are driving the problems we’re dealing with now. Jesus meets us in our brokenness and replaces the lies we believe about ourselves with the truth. Sinful patterns are broken, and replaced with healthier ways of navigating through life.

Reconciliation Ministries recently began offering EMDR therapy. Sometimes we feel like the trauma that happened twenty years ago is still happening today. We respond according to how we feel and keep the brokenness going. If we suffered abuse as a young child, we may still feel unsafe as an adult. We might be in a constant state of “red alert” and overact at the slightest hint of injustice. We might even misinterpret someone’s good intentions and drive them away out of fear that we might get hurt again. EMDR helps reprocess the negative experiences of our lives that taught us our broken responses, and helps us respond in a healthier way.

Prayer ministry and EMDR are similar in many ways. Both operate out of the recognition that we “feel what we believe” in our hearts, and act out of those beliefs in our daily lives. We might know in our head that Jesus loves us and that we have value, but if we feel unlovable and worthless we’ll end up acting out of our insecurity. We’ll do things that bring conflict and cause more feelings of unworthiness. Prayer Ministry and EMDR work to help the truths that we believe in our heads become the truth that we believe and act upon in our hearts. Both techniques help us understand the truth about our earlier life experiences, and replace our broken beliefs with healthy beliefs that set us free. The files in our hearts become organized. The roots of our brokenness get resolved, and we begin to produce healthier, Biblical fruit. Prayer ministry and EMDR both work on the way that the Lord created our brains to process our current events in the context of our past experiences, and resolve our inner conflicts as we learn new information at a heart level. Both techniques reinforce godly principles.

The differences between prayer ministry and EMDR are what helps them be versatile recovery tools. For prayer ministry to work, the participant needs to allow themselves to feel the emotions of the present trigger, and allow the Holy Spirit to help him link those feelings back to a significant time earlier in his life when he felt similar emotions. Once he follows the emotional trail back to a key event that is the source of his negative emotions, we look for a core belief about self that is driving the emotions and the present pain or dysfunction. It will always be a simple belief about self. “I am worthless.” “I should have stopped the abuse.” “I am alone.” If we asked the person what his head is telling him, he would usually always have the correct response. “I have value in Christ.” “I was a small child and could not stop the abuse.” “Jesus is always with me.” The problem is that our hearts don’t always believe what our heads know to be true. It is during this portion of the prayer ministry that we ask the Lord to speak to the participant’s heart concerning the core belief. As he hears the truth from the Lord, the participant’s heart knowledge starts to believe what he already knew to be true in his head. Since we feel and act upon what we believe in our hearts, the person now believes the truth that he does have value and he begins to live according to that belief. The negative emotions in the core belief are now replaced with positive emotions that reflect the truth. The belief in the current memory that triggered the past pain is also replaced with the truth, and the participant is able to experience present interactions with a healthier perspective.

EMDR also follows the emotional trail from a present trigger to a significant event in the participant’s life when she formed a belief about herself and the world. While prayer ministry focuses on emotions and trusts that the Lord will help the person to follow the emotional trail back to the original memory, EMDR uses a process that relies upon the way the Lord designed our brains to automatically link our life experiences and resolve our inner conflicts once the proper memory connections are made. Although the participant still needs to understand the emotions experienced in an event, she does not have to connect as fully to the emotions as she would in prayer ministry. This process can be helpful for those who have difficulty allowing themselves to focus on, and re-experience the emotions of a traumatic event. The process of EMDR works on a principle similar to REM sleep, or rapid eye movement sleep. When we dream, our minds are reprocessing the stressful events of the day as our eyes move from side to side. This helps to defuse the stress of the day, and we often wake up with a fresh perspective and feeling better. That’s one of the reasons we might say, “Let’s sleep on it and we’ll make a decision in the morning”.

When we experience a life event, the “news report” of the situation is processed in the left side of our brain. The left side of our brain is logical and analytical. The emotional response to the event is processed in the right side of our brains, which is more emotional and creative. Under normal circumstances, both sides of our brains communicate together and successfully process our experiences. Stress is resolved, lessons are learned, and initiative is formed. When we experience trauma such as sexual abuse, the left and right sides of our brains don’t process the information properly. The emotional response to the abuse gets stored far away from the news report of the abuse and our brains can’t resolve the conflict. We may get stuck in a fight, flight, or freeze response and feel like we’re stuck in the trauma. By processing the event while using side to side eye movements similar to REM sleep, we begin to help our brains process the traumatic event and our inner conflicts get resolved. Instead of eye movements, we can also use sounds that alternate from side to side or little hand held devices that vibrate back and forth. EMDR helps our brains process the traumatic experiences properly, and brings resolution to the traumatic events. Our past conflict is resolved and we now have a sense of peace and calm.

While it may be painful to revisit our old wounds in the beginning, the benefit is lasting freedom in the long run. The pain and trauma that has held us captive for years gets replaced with peace and calm. The pain of the past no longer fuels the addictions and negative behavior that messes up our daily lives. We’ll get more of our hearts back. We’ll be better able to recognize the value of God’s unique design for us personally, and fulfill His call on our lives.

If you’ve experienced sexual abuse, trauma, or neglect; prayer ministry and EMDR may help you. They can also help resolve depression, anxiety, and addictive behaviors. The therapists at Reconciliation Ministries will begin by taking a detailed history of your life. This will help us understand your needs, and the events in your life that we may need to visit during your treatment. We’ll help you understand how your past is affecting you in the present, and teach you ways to cope with stress and anxiety outside the sessions. We’ll help you decide which is best for you, traditional talk therapy, prayer ministry, EMDR, or a combination of methods. Then we’ll walk with you as you process your past emotional wounds and learn healthy ways to interact with the world around you. Of course, all of this will be done in a safe, confidential, Christian environment as we focus on Jesus Christ.

If you or someone you care about is wrestling with sexual sin, relationship difficulties, anxiety, depression, or the aftermath of abuse; call Reconciliation Ministries at 586.739.5114. Let us walk with you to Jesus. He can heal your heart and transform your life.

All photos courtesy of www.unsplash.com. © 2020 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.  This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given to Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.

Home for the Holidays

For many of us, the holidays are filled with anxiety that comes with revisiting the dysfunctional family dynamics of our youth.  Family get-togethers sometimes place us in the presence of those who have offended us or have the potential to trigger our unresolved wounds – sometimes by accident, sometimes on purpose.  The purpose of this article is to help you prepare for family gatherings so that you can walk through them with realistic expectations and minimal emotional stress.

Pray. This may seem cliché, but the most important preparation you can make for your family gathering is to pray.  It is important to communicate with the Lord prior to the event and share your hopes and fears.  This is the time to ask Him for help and protection in your specific areas of need, and to be reminded of who you are in Him.  You can also pray for the difficult people that you will be spending time with, and ask the Lord to put a guard on their hearts as well as yours.  Ask trusted others to pray for you.  Sometimes just knowing that others are praying for you will give you the extra boost of confidence you need.

Maintain realistic expectations. It is important to maintain realistic expectations through the holidays.  People will not change just because it’s Christmas.  You may have taken the time to get healthy, but others may not.  They will most likely do what they have always done.  If they were overbearing and critical before the Christmas tree went up, they will most likely be overbearing and critical after the tree goes up – and even during the process.  Reminding yourself of realistic expectations will help you avoid getting your hopes dashed by reality.  This is far different from telling yourself to expect a catastrophe so that you won’t be disappointed if one happens.  This is simply reminding yourself of your difficult relative’s character so you can make proper emotional preparations.

Some people do not do well during the holidays because it reminds them of their past abuse.  If you were abused during the holiday season by a visiting relative or during a sleepover while on Christmas vacation, this time of year may automatically trigger anxiety and depression.  Make plans to have safe others to confide in if you feel your emotional pressure rising.  This will help you get the support you need before you reach a breaking point.  Recognizing your own vulnerability and making preparations for assistance is not a sign of weakness.  It is a sign of healthy personal insight and good coping skills.

Establish appropriate boundaries.  Decide prior to your gathering what behavior you will and will not accept.  Choose not to allow your family members to treat you disrespectfully, or try to bring you into the middle of their conflict.  Decide your course of action ahead of time if a family member violates your boundaries.  For example, if someone begins to call you disrespectful names you can calmly state that you won’t allow the person to treat you in a disrespectful manner.  If he continues to do so you can remove yourself from that conversation and try to join another conversation, ask him to leave your house, or decide to leave the gathering yourself.  When establishing boundaries with others, it is best to keep yourself calm and speak matter of factly.  Follow through on your boundaries without yelling.  Yelling actually tends to decrease your influence and often plays into the other person’s plan of trying to stir up your emotions.  Don’t be surprised when those who are used to violating your boundaries continue trying to do so after you have informed them of your boundaries.  They are used to doing so and may not take you seriously.  Sometimes their negative behavior may actually get worse for a season while they try to figure out how serious you are about your boundaries.  They may try to get you to give up.  Calmly stand firm and hold your ground.  The other person will have to decide how they will respond to your boundaries.  It is great if they change and learn to respect you.  In this case your relationship with that person may improve.  If they decide not to respect your boundaries you may have to distance yourself from them and keep yourself in a position where they are unable to offend you.

Recognize that your family members are broken.  Pray, pray, pray… but remember that it is not your job to fix them.  Broken people do broken people things.  This is not an excuse for poor treatment, but it may help you to put the issue into proper perspective.  Remember to implement you boundaries, and resist the urge to walk on eggshells trying to guess what to avoid or do to keep the other person happy.  Do what is right before the Lord and walk in obedience to Him.

Recognize that the issue usually isn’t about you.  Don’t let another person’s dysfunction become your dysfunction.  Are they reacting to their own deeper emotional issues?  Are they merely angry people who take out their anger on anyone who happens to get in the way?  Dysfunctional people are operating out of their own brokenness.  Even if you do make a mistake, they are the ones choosing to react in a healthy or unhealthy manner.  Some dysfunctional people try to pull you into their problems and blame them on you.  In situations like this it is helpful to remind yourself that this isn’t your problem and choose not to take it from them.  This doesn’t mean that you are heartless and uncaring.  It simply means that you are choosing to become healthy and allow others to experience the consequences of their own poor decisions.

Don’t bite the bait.  Many dysfunctional people are addicted to drama and try to pull others into their own internal hurricanes.  They may try to provoke you or highlight your imperfections to justify themselves.  Others may try to blame their own inappropriate behavior on you.  Resist the urge to respond in anger and calmly state your thoughts while maintaining your boundaries.  You may have to allow yourself time to express your frustration later in a safe setting, but resisting the urge to bite the bait keeps you from entering into their emotional turmoil.  You can choose to enjoy the holiday gathering even if they choose to be miserable.

Give yourself extra grace if you are grieving the loss of a loved one.  If you are walking through the grief process after loosing someone you love, recognize that the first few holidays without them may bring up a wide variety of emotions.  That is normal.  It is okay if you don’t have the emotional energy to decorate your house and get the same level of gifts that you usually do.  Some people will understand while others won’t.  Do what you feel comfortable doing.  In time, you will be able to carry on some of the old traditions or you may decide to adjust and develop some new ones.  The main thing is that you honor the memory of your loved one, and simply do what you are able to do.

Nurture relationships with healthy family members and friends.  Identify the healthy people in your life and proactively spend time developing those relationships.  Learn to overcome the dysfunctional family dynamics in an appropriate manner with those who have walked through similar situations and are on the road to recovery.  Discussing personal reactions to issues in an appropriate manner helps build relationships and lets you know that you are not alone.

Recognize the progress that you have made.  Give yourself credit for what the Lord has done in your life and grace for the things He has yet to do.  Nobody is perfect.  It is really okay to celebrate the small victories while you’re looking forward to the larger ones.

Allow yourself time to recuperate after the event.  Dealing with difficult people can be exhausting.  Prior to the event, discuss your need to relax afterwards with safe others.  You may even want to schedule extra personal quiet time afterwards or make plans to have fun in appropriate leisure activities with those who are able.  It is amazing how beneficial these types of plans can be, and how much easier it will be for you to adjust back into your regular routine once you have take the time to decompress.

Taking the time to pray and read through this list prior to your holiday event can help you navigate through some difficult situations with more peace.  Remember to have realistic expectations and trust the Lord to lead you.  Don’t condemn yourself if you don’t walk through an awkward situation like you think you should.  Give yourself grace to learn and grow more every day.

© 2011 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.  This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given to Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.

When You've Been Gutted

Dan Hitz is the director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. and a Licensed Professional Counselor in the State of Michigan. This teaching was first presented by Dan at a Celebrate Recovery meeting at Woodside of Troy. You can read more testimonies and articles in the newsletter archives section of our website at https://recmin.org/newsletter-archives.

We all have them. Times when we’ve been emotionally gutted. And they hurt. They hurt a lot. It may be through the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, a betrayal. The pain goes much deeper than the event. There’s the loss of hopes, dreams, and goals for the future. Someone… or something... very precious to us… is gone. Our very foundation has crumbled. Or at least… what we thought was our foundation.

In the middle of our pain, the sin and hiding places of the past start glistening a little bit more. Sometimes a lot more. Don’t run back to the false comforts of your past life. In the middle of the pain it’s easy to feel like the disciples who got offended at Jesus because He was sleeping in the boat in the middle of the storm. Doesn’t He care? Why doesn’t He do something? He’s the one who told me to get into this boat in the first place. Wasn’t I doing His will? Am I in this thing all by myself? In the middle of the pain it can be pretty difficult to hear the truth. No. You’re not alone. Jesus is still right there with you. Jesus is still very much involved in what you’re going through. He isn’t sleeping in the boat in the middle of the storm because He doesn’t care. Jesus is sleeping because He has 100% confidence in the Father to get you through the storm and lead you to the shore. It may not feel like it. Things aren’t happening the way you figured they were going to happen. But you aren’t going to drown. If you hold onto Jesus in the middle of the storm… the one you don’t really understand right now… the one you may actually be ticked off at right now… He is there. He is good. He will lead you through the storm.

Maybe a small part of my own journey can help you. There was a time when I went through a huge ministerial disappointment. Initially, it looked like years of hopes and dreams were being fulfilled. The Lord opened the door for a big endeavor that would take a lot of time, effort and sacrifice. It required a season of changing focus and putting a lot of energy into a joint project at the expense of some responsibilities with family and my regular ministry. My wife and I were prayerfully on the same page. In our minds it would be worth these sacrifices because we thought that through this calling, so many more ministerial doors would be opened in the future. After all, it really was Jesus who told us to “get into the boat”. To be real, we knew there would be a lot of challenges with this project, but we figured Jesus would calm the storms and get us through to the other side of the lake without the boat taking on a lot of water.

Well. The waves came. Big ones. The boat took on a lot of water. As the project rolled on, we began to come up against some heavy opposition. The enemy truly got out some heavy artillery for this one. Bombs were going off. Some of them right in the middle of my heart. I had some challenges with the project leader. While I initially thought we were on the same page, it quickly became clear that we were not. The opposition was coming from a source that I least expected. And it continued to grow worse.

Unlike the disciples, I have to admit that Jesus was very much awake in the middle of the boat. Also unlike the disciples, Jesus did not calm the storm. He “allowed” the storm to continue. Although there were times when I didn’t think I could continue with what He was asking me to do, He didn’t allow me to drown. He kept me afloat. He spoke words of truth. He empowered me to endure the storm.

Enduring the storm didn’t mean that I came out unscathed. There were wounds. Deep ones. Although we did accomplish many of the ministerial goals of the project, there were other goals that did not get accomplished because of the brokenness of the team. Mine included. What could have been a fantastic experience, turned out to be just okay. And the ministerial hopes, dreams, and goals for the future that I thought would be secured through this project? They seemed to be heaped up in a charred pile of rubble right smack dab in the center of my heart.

I was disillusioned. I had a lot of charred debris to work through with Jesus. And I let Him know that. One day the Lord spoke to me and said, “Dan, you have to grieve the tearing of your hopes and dreams.” He got my attention. Although I had been grieving… sort of… I hadn’t recognized it as such. I didn’t realize my legitimate need to do some holy grieving. Holy grieving is much more efficient than resentful complaining. I responded, “Lord, I feel like there’s been an amputation. I’m feeling a lot of phantom pain here.” He intimately spoke back, “Dan, are you willing to grieve the tearing with no guarantee that I will fill up that void in your heart? Are you willing to surrender to me with absolutely no guarantee that I will grow back the limb? Are you willing to surrender to me with absolutely no guarantee that I will even heal the phantom pain? But with a full guarantee that I will be fully with you during this process?” God was asking me to be honest. It felt like I had one leg. I considered my options. I could try to make a fake prosthesis. I could try to make some sort of wooden crutch to hobble around on. What would that get me in the end? God’s presence is far more important than some fake limb. Or even a real one. I surrendered. I told Him that since I only had one leg, I’d need Him to pick me up and set me where He wants me to be. I need the grace to stay wherever that is until He comes and picks me up and sets me someplace else.

I could breathe again. But grieving – and healing – is a process. I don’t know how many times I cried in my heart, “Lord, this surely didn’t turn out the way I figured it would”. During one of the seasons when I was being particularly whiny, the Lord spoke to me and said, “I’m sure things didn’t turn out like Moses planned when he tried to help his fellow Israelites by killing the Egyptian and then spent the next 40 years tending his father-in-law’s sheep in the middle of a desert. And I’m sure things didn’t turn out the way David figured they would when he was anointed king by Samuel and then spent years in the wilderness running from Saul.” God had my attention.

Then the Lord began to unpack the life of Joseph. Surely things didn’t turn out like Joseph planned after he got done telling his brothers that they would all end up bowing down to him someday. We can see their response when he came back another day and let them know that mom and dad were going to be bowing down to him too. They threw him down a dry well. Forget mom and dad bowing down to their own son, where were they to protect Joseph when he was thrown into that well?

You can read about the brothers throwing Joseph into a well in Genesis 37, verse 24. Verse 25 says a lot. The brothers cared so little about the harm they were causing Joseph, that they sat down and ate lunch in the very next verse. What little hope Joseph may have had as his brothers were lifting him out of that well was surely smashed as they promptly sold him to slave traders. Surely, this was not part of Joseph’s hopes, dreams, and goals for the future. The brothers didn’t seem to care.

I’ve often wondered about the inner dialogue and struggles that Joseph was having during his early years in Egypt. The Bible really doesn’t say, but since Chapter 39 tells how the Lord was with Joseph and caused everything he did to prosper, we can assume that Joseph didn’t let his heart grow bitter towards the Lord. He faithfully served Potiphar, the captain of the guard, until Potiphar’s wife lied about Joseph trying to assault her and he was thrown into prison. Evidently, he didn’t get bitter in prison either as the warden ended up putting Joseph in charge and made him “responsible for all that was done there” (Genesis 39:22 NIV).

Even though things didn’t play out the way Joseph figured they would, he was able to keep his heart open to the Lord and the Lord continued to show him favor. He ended up being second in command to Pharaoh and saving the lives of many people during the famine as the head of Egypt’s food distribution program. He was 17 years old the day his brothers threw him into a well, and about 40 when he was reunited with his father in Egypt. Things surely didn’t turn out the way he thought they would when he was the snarky 17 year old who thought it was a good idea to tell his brothers that they would be bowing down to him someday. However, Joseph persevered by keeping his heart open to the Lord and trusting in His grace when he was wronged, abused, and overwhelmed. Most likely, he would have never imagined that the Lord would ever use him in the way that He did. All of us will have our own set of dry wells, Potiphar’s houses, and prisons to walk through. It is inevitable. But if we can keep our hearts open to the Lord when our own hopes, dreams and goals for the future are crushed; our lives will have so much more eternal benefit than we could ever imagine. God is good. And He loves us dearly.

Photos used with permission from www.unsplash.com.

© 2019 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.  This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given to Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.

Differing Views on Christian Doctrine, Identity and Homosexuality

This article was written by Jason Thompson, Executive Director of Portland Fellowship. Jason also created the diagram that appears with this article. It was first published in the Portland Fellowship newsletter, and was reprinted in this newsletter with permission. The original article is available at https://www.portlandfellowship.com/clarity.php.

When I first began serving at Portland Fellowship, for a believer, the message regarding homosexuality and identity was a bit simpler. For the most part, the Christian message was that we were created male and female, that our identity is found in Christ alone, and that sexual expression outside of marriage (between a man and his wife) is a sin, because it violates God's perfect plan and ultimately leads to pain and destruction.

As the years passed by, and culture, unsurprisingly, continued down a path of confusion and distortion, I have watched many in the church also fall into that confusion. To bring clarity to this confusing issue, this one-page handout was created to bring clarity, which I summarize below.

Click here for a PDF copy of this diagram.

On the left side of this handout is the ideology categorized as "Revel: Gay Partnership". These professing "Christians" are gay-affirming and support and bless homosexual unions. The general belief here is that one is born gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered or one of the other fifty-four gender options available through Facebook. Their biblical view has been developed by a revision of Scripture in order to support a pro-gay theological understanding.

To the right of this is another camp labeled "Resist: Gay Identity". This group includes professing Christians who primarily believe that a person is born gay, yet believe that same-sex partnerships and sexual expression are prohibited in the eyes of God. Their identity is found in what they feel and desire, and since their desire is for the same gender, they choose to identify as LGBTQ+. A growing movement that includes www.revoice.us has led and continues to lead people in this wrong direction.

In contrast to those two categories, there are two other groups that embrace traditional biblical truth regarding sexual expression and identity. Yet, even in these last two categories, there are some subtle differences in how each group proposes responding to the same-sex attracted person.

We've labeled the first group of proponents for biblical truth and sexuality as simply "Renounce: or Conversion". This group does a great job at communicating that our identity is not found in our sexuality or desires, but in Jesus Christ our Lord. This group highlights our sin nature as the primary issue of sexual struggles and calls everyone to walk in confession, repentance and trust in God as they seek to die to their fleshly desires. They primarily emphasize the importance of Christ's Body (the Church), while they don't necessarily emphasize additional support structures or healing resources (such as counseling or recovery programs). Some in this group actually speak against such resources.

The last category agrees with most of what the "Renounce" position communicates. This final "Rebuild: or Transformation" category also believes that our identity is found in Christ, and that we must repent of our sinful sexual behavior. However, the subtle difference between "Renounce" and "Transformation" is that proponents of "Transformation" recognize the need for an intentional discipleship process that leads us to deeper healing, relational wholeness and even newfound desires that are being restored to what God intended. This process includes support from others in the body of Christ, which can involve counseling, recovery groups, discipleship programs and personal mentoring. It includes a deeper awareness that in addition to being a spiritual and sexual issue, homosexuality is also a relational issue, and therefore has both past relational wounds, but also, more importantly, future relational healing.

As I mentioned, homosexual identity and homosexual expression have become confused through various teachings and different opinions. I believe it is wise to follow what is written in 1 Thessalonians 5:21: "But test everything; hold fast what is good." Let us not settle for anything less than the redeeming work of Jesus Christ and the transforming work of the Holy Spirit in our lives. My hope is that each of us will be able to surrender our sexuality, our identity and our behavior before the Lord, and find our hope in Christ as He continues His transforming work in us! Please share this resource with others and we would love to hear about it.

© 2019 Portland Fellowship, PO Box 14841, Portland, OR 97214

Lives are Changed through the Living Waters Program

Living Waters is a Christ-centered discipleship/ministry program for men and women seeking healing in areas of sexual and relational brokenness; including pornography addiction, codependency, sexual addiction, homosexuality, sexual ambivalence, childhood sexual abuse, transgender issues, and difficulty in establishing and sustaining healthy relationships.  Our next program is starting soon.

Here are some powerful testimonies from participants who had their lives changed through the power of Jesus Christ in the Living Waters program. They are used with the permission of the participants.

I’ve learned that it is ok to bring God into my pain; that I need to fully integrate my emotional health with my spiritual life.  I’ve also learned that my identity is not that of an “abused”, or a “victim” or a “codependent” or a “homosexual”, but that my identity is that of a child of God and it does not rest in my feelings about myself, other people, or relationships – but solely in who God says I am.

A female participant.

I found Living Waters in a crisis of my marriage falling apart for many reasons, but one was because of my same-sex attraction. I didn’t know which end was up at the time. However, I knew that I need to start the path to dealing with my same-sex attraction in whatever way God wanted it dealt with. Living Waters was the start of the path God and I went down.

I have dealt with same-sex attraction since I was very young. It became sexualized in middle school. There were often dark times in my life because of the same-sex attraction. I tried things a couple of times in my teens but later on knew that acting on my same-sex attraction with guys just couldn’t happen. That didn’t stop me from looking at porn and masturbating, but I thought that since I wasn’t doing anything with anybody else that I’m somehow or somewhat okay. My addiction would come and go with intensity, but it was always there. I always vowed to never be involved physically with a guy.

Fast forward to being married. My wife knew from the start that I struggled with same-sex attraction. Later on we experienced a situation that focused attention on my same-sex attraction that lead to further breakdown of our marriage and my wife choosing to be done. Prior to our split, I went through about four months of identity crisis, questioning God if He was okay if I began pursuing a same-sex relationship. My wife was challenging me to embrace how I was “really made”. Ultimately, I knew deep down that God didn’t want me living that way. I knew that I needed help to actively pursue a different course, one that acknowledges that God hasn’t made people to have same-sex relationships. I’m pursuing God with everything in me and learning, thanks to Living Waters, how to approach life in a healthy way.

A male participant.

I came to Living Waters looking for healing from past molestation, abuse, and neglect; but I found so much more. Not only were those wounds recognized and visited, but Living Waters dug much deeper, beyond those wounds, to the places those wounds damaged the most. Up until this amazing ministry I thought I simply had to get past my past, past those obvious hurts, ask God to heal me, and move on. The truth is, there was much more than healing that needed to be done. Not only were there deeper wounds that had been festering for years beneath the obvious ones, but those wounds had changed me into someone I didn’t even recognize anymore. A person who covered her wounds with sexual acts, who pushed others away before they got too close to see the broken pieces, whose filters were so flawed she thought even the kindest acts were there to laugh at her, and who criticized both men and women for being both too masculine and too feminine.

Before Living Waters, I didn’t even  know who I was, I had hidden myself so well behind my layers of broken protection, that I couldn’t even find myself… but God found me. He found me buried in the rubble, He gently scrubbed my wounds, and bandaged them in both Grace and Mercy. I am still a work in process, I still have wounds and flaws, but I also have Hope. I may remain somewhat uncertain as to who I am – I have seen glimpses of her, and she is beautiful – but I know without a doubt whose I am. I know God will continue His work in me. Thank you, Living Waters, I thank God for you all.

A female participant.

While enduring a terrible marriage I was looking for a way to relieve the huge amount of stress in my life.  One night on my way home from night school, the evil one suggested that I do something that I had quit doing many years before – cross dressing.  I jumped at the chance and soon could no longer satisfy my cravings with occasional dressing up, so I got a divorce and began living as a woman.  I eventually succumbed totally and had surgery in my efforts to look more and more like a woman.  I still was not satisfied but could do nothing else to myself.  Then God worked through a friend of mine and got me involved in a group that opened my eyes and began clearing my head.  After a year of this I resolved to go back to being a man but knew I needed help.  By God’s grace I found Living Waters and am now solidly grounded in Christ and living completely as a man.

A male participant.

If you or someone you love is struggling with sexual or relational difficulties, there is hope and healing through the power of Jesus Christ.  Call us and ask about attending the next Living Waters program. (586) 739-5114 

The pictures used in this article are not the actual participants. Photos acquired through www.unsplash.com.

© Reconciliation Ministries 2019.  This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as credit is given and no fee is charged.

The Risks of Transgender-Affirming Treatment

Dan Hitz is the director of Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc. and a Licensed Professional Counselor in the State of Michigan. This article is an introduction to some of the negative effects of medical and psychological treatment that seeks to affirm a transgender person’s gender identity, rather than to explore the root issues creating the gender dysphoria. As this is an extremely complex topic that cannot be fully covered within the scope of this newsletter, this article will serve as a general overview. Resources are presented at the end of this article which will provide a much more thorough exploration of transgender issues.

Activists claim to represent the best interests of all those with discordant gender identities, insisting that their policies and treatment protocols are the only ethical ones, and that other approaches lead to depression and suicide. Popular media outlets are happy to report on people who seem to find contentment with sex reassignment procedures. We seldom hear the voices of people who discovered that hormones and surgery were not the answer but often the source of new problems.
Ryan T. Anderson – When Harry Became Sally: Responding to the Transgender Moment 1

At first I thought I was the only transgender who had regret or almost committed suicide. Now thirty years after my life-altering surgery I realize I’m just one in a population of silent, shame-filled individuals who suffer from a needless gender change. Yet, for all the pain, we are the lucky ones because at least we did not take our own lives.
Walt Heyer –Gender, Lies and Suicide: A Whistleblower Speaks Out 2

Those who believe they are a man or a woman trapped in the wrong body experience deep emotional distress.  We in the Body of Christ are called to walk alongside them, hear their heart, and help them receive the love and grace of Jesus Christ. Just as Jesus took the time to hear the heart of the woman at the well and ministered grace and truth, we are called to speak the truth in love and help members of the LGBTQ community experience the conviction and healing power of the cross. We may not fully understand the challenges they are struggling with, but we can walk with them to the One who truly does understand their journey. Jesus came to heal the brokenhearted. He loves to set the captive free.

Members of the mental health and medical community are also called to walk alongside of men and women who are at odds with their biological sex. People with gender dysphoria deserve the best mental health care and medical treatment available, and they look to the medical community to provide it. Unfortunately, the current standard of care for gender dysphoria is not to help the person bring their mental perceptions in line with their physical reality. The current standard of care is to immediately affirm their transgender identity, and begin to alter their bodies to match their emotional beliefs. Instead of helping strugglers understand the emotional issues that have caused them to reject their birth sex and identify as the opposite gender, mental health professionals immediately work to affirm their perceived gender and bring their physical body in line with their emotional perceptions. Popular culture, and even the legal system, support and defend the medical community in their efforts to override a person’s physical reality. The system even attacks the mere suggestion that we should look at the emotional roots of a transgender identity. In some states in the US, it is illegal for therapists to work with anyone under the age of 18 to help them explore the possibility that their transgender feelings may have emotional roots. The main mental health organizations believe that it is unethical and harmful to help anyone, regardless of age, seek to overcome an LGBTQ identity.  Their mandate is affirmation. Sadly, efforts to prioritize transgender emotional perceptions over physical realities often compound the pre-existing emotional problems and create medical complications. This article will survey some of the most common problems transgenders experience with medical interventions, and will provide resources for more information and help for those who seek it.

One of the most obvious problems with current mental health and medical interventions is that they fail to address the root issues creating the transgender identity. Denise Shick, founder and director of Help 4 Families; and Walt Heyer, a noted author on the subject of transgender regret, write that gender dysphoria can be the result of a variety of mental health disorders including anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, dissociative disorder, PTDS, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and personality disorders.3, 4 Those who have transitioned, frequently discover that their transition did not resolve their underlying emotional struggles. Many who received additional therapy for those issues after their transition find that they now begin to identify more with their birth sex than the opposite gender. If they express wishes to detransition – realign with their birth sex – they quickly find that the overwhelming support they received to transition has vanished. Unfortunately, most of the physical effects of their original transition are difficult or impossible to correct.

Walt Heyer writes from personal experience. He was born a male and surgically transitioned to female when he was 42 years old. Before his transition, Heyer sought care from a prominent doctor who was a co-author of the standards of care for transgender individuals. This doctor approved his transition. Even though he lived as a woman for eight years, Heyer realized that his transition failed to bring him the peace he had hoped for. His gender dysphoria grew worse. The underlying issues of his dysphoria were not addressed until he was serving as an intern in a psychological hospital. The doctor he was working under told him that he had signs of a dissociative disorder. Heyer sought psychological care from treatment providers who focused on his underlying disorders rather than transgender issues. He learned that he developed a dissociative disorder to escape from the pain of childhood sexual abuse. The doctor who approved his transgender surgery failed to link childhood trauma to his transgender struggle. Heyer is now in his 70s and helps many man and women cope with the pain of sex change regret.1

Most transgenders find emotional relief in the initial stages of their transition, and many report an increased sense of wellbeing immediately following their surgery. However, as the years go by, others come to the realization that no matter how much they have altered their bodies, they are still inherently male or female. There are differences between males and females on a molecular level, and no amount of hormones and cosmetic surgery can alter their chromosomes.1 Walt Heyer observes that sex change regret begins to set in five to ten years after gender reassignment surgery.4 The exact numbers for those who suffer from sex change regret are difficult to find. Most studies only cover the first five years and have a very small number of participants.

The trans affirming community asserts that sex change regret is rare. Heyer sites a German study from 2018 which reports that a majority of male to female transgenders reported higher quality of life following their surgery. What the media fails to report is that 25% of the study participants reported a lower quality of life following the surgery. Although sex change regret surfaces five to ten years after a person’s transition, this study included those who had surgery between 1995 and 2015. Many of the participants had not yet passed the five year anniversary of their transition. Heyer’s ministerial experience suggests that more of the participants of the study will experience regret as the years go by.

Another danger of gender reassignment surgery is an increased risk of suicide. Transgenders, especially teens, are at an increased risk of suicide to begin with. Research indicates that 41% of adult transgenders attempted suicide at some point in their lives. Transgender advocates claim that transitioning is the only way to save those struggling from gender dysphoria from attempting suicide. However, just as sex change regret increases many years after the surgery, the suicide rate is also significant ten years following the surgery. Heyer cites a Swedish study which found that the suicide rate of post-operative transgenders is 19 times that of non-transgender peers,4 and higher than those identifying as transgender who did not transition surgically. Clearly, gender reassignment surgery is not the answer to prevent suicide among those struggling with gender dysphoria.

In addition to the emotional complications experienced by those transitioning, there are a host of medical complications. The Mayo Clinic notes that adult men undergoing feminizing hormone therapy are at increased risk for blood clots in their lungs and deep veins, high triglycerides, gallstones, weight gain, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and more.5 The Mayo Clinic also reports that adult women undergoing masculinizing hormone therapy are at increased risk for overproduction of red blood cells, weight gain, abnormal amount of lipids in the blood; as well as high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, and cardio vascular disease when risk factors are present.6 The American Heart Association reviewed a Dutch study that found that transwomen – biological males who transitioned to female – experienced nearly twice as many strokes as non-trans males and females, twice as many heart attacks as women, and 5/4.5 times more likely to experience deep vein clots as women/men. Transmen – biological females who transitioned to male – experience three times the heart attack risks as women.7   

Children are identifying as transgender at younger ages. Similar to the standard of care for adults, rather than working with a teen or prepubescent child to understand the roots of his or her gender dysphoria, the medical profession is fueled by trans activists to affirm his or her gender choices. As Ryan T. Anderson of the Heritage Foundation writes in his book, When Harry Became Sally: Responding to the Transgender Moment, eight year olds are now seen as the ultimate authority to determine their own gender and medical treatment. They are encouraged to socially transition to the opposite sex in spite of the fact that young children lack the mental and emotional capacity to fully understand the implications of their decision.1 Schools encourage young children to socially transition by dressing in the cultural clothing of their identified gender, choosing their preferred pronoun, and attending school as their chosen gender. Many schools in the United States have policies in place to affirm the chosen gender of the child even without the parents’ knowledge or approval. Parents who refuse to cooperate with their child’s transition risk disciplinary action from child protective services.

After a child transitions socially, he or she will be given puberty blocking hormones. Doctors tell parents that this is to give the child more time to consider the option of transitioning while delaying the onset of his or her primary sexual characteristics. The potential side effects of puberty blockers are downplayed, yet the health risks of delaying puberty are not fully known. When the final decision is made to transition, the teen will be prescribed cross-sex hormones and his or her body will begin taking on the characteristics of the opposite sex. At this point the child has an increased risk of permanent sterilization even if the cross-sex hormones are stopped at a later date, because the body has never started to develop the primary sex characteristics due to the puberty blockers. The Christian Medical and Dental Association reports that the puberty blocking hormones inhibit normal growth and fertility, while the cross-sex hormones administered during adolescents are associated with an increased risk of high blood pressure, blood clots, stroke, and some forms of cancer.8 Many of the effects of cross-sex hormones are irreversible, such as increased facial hair and an Adam’s apple and deeper voice for biological females, and breast development for biological males. Sterility is irreversible. This begs the question of how a prepubescent child or teen can have the personal insight to adequately determine if they are willing to risk hormone treatment at the cost of being unable to bear children later in life. If the transition progresses, the teen will eventually begin surgical procedures which will further advance his or her trans identity. Many of the physical changes performed through surgery are permanent, or at the very least, require additional surgery to reverse.

It is important to note that multiple research studies indicate that anywhere from 70 to 80 percent of prepubescent children who identify as transgender will grow up to embrace their birth gender without counseling or direct intervention.10 With therapy, up to 95 percent of these children learn to embrace their birth sex. Unfortunately, of the children given puberty blockers, 100% of them continue to transition and begin hormone therapy.4 This strongly suggests that affirming a child’s emotional perception of being transgendered locks him or her into a pattern of transition, rather than addressing the underlying emotional problems fueling the transgender feelings. It is no wonder that Dr. Michelle Cretella, President of the American College of Pediatricians, writes about the trend of transitioning children, “Today’s institutions that promote transition affirmation are pushing children to impersonate the opposite sex, sending many of them down the path of puberty blockers, sterilization, the removal of healthy body parts, and untold psychological damage. These harms constitute nothing less than institutionalized child abuse.”11

There has to better answers for transmales and transfemales than aligning their bodies with their gender confusion. In Matthew, Chapter 19 some people brought little children to Jesus and wanted Him to pray for them. Sadly, the disciples rebuked those who brought the children. They didn’t want to bother with the kids for some reason. Those same disciples urged Jesus to send the Canaanite woman away in Chapter 15. As we look at the negative effects of transgender affirming treatment, and the political/cultural waves continue to come, it is easy to get overwhelmed and skeptical that reaching out to the transgender community with the Gospel would have any value. Fortunately, Jesus’ response was much different than the disciples’. He immediately told the disciples to let the kids come to Him and Jesus ministered to the children. Interestingly enough, He tested the Canaanite woman and showed the disciples that she actually had great faith in Him. Jesus honored that faith by granting her request. May we who identify as Christians have Christ-like compassion on those who identify as trans. May we have the character to look beyond the issues on the surface that we may not understand, and offer the same grace that we so desperately need. May we be faithful to listen to their hearts, and speak the truth in love. May we be faithful to offer transgenders the hope of Christ.

Help is available…

Reconciliation Ministries www.recmin.org

Help 4 Families www.help4families.org

Walt Heyer Ministries www.sexchangeregret.com

Linda Seiler www.lindaseiler.com

References

1 Anderson, Ryan T. When Harry Became Sally: Responding to the Transgender Moment. Encounter Books, 2018.

2 Heyer, Walt. Gender, Lies and Suicide: A Whistleblower Speaks Out. Make Waves Publishing, Middletown, DE, 2013.

3 Shick, Denise. Understanding Gender Confusion: A Faith Based Perspective. Help 4 Families Press, Ashland, KY, 2014.

4 Heyer, Walt. Trans Life Survivors. Self-published, Lexington, KY, 2018.

5 Mayo Clinic. “Feminizing Hormone Therapy”. Posted October 7, 2017. Retrieved from https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/mtf-hormone-therapy/about/pac-20385096 on 6/6/2019.

6 May Clinic. “Masculinizing Hormone Therapy”. Posted August 31, 2017. Retrieved from https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/ftm-hormone-therapy/about/pac-20385099 on 6/6/2019.

7 American Heart Association. “Hormone Therapy May Increase Cardiovascular Risk During Gender Transition”. Science Daily. February 18, 2019. Retrieved June 13, 2019 from www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/02/190218093959.htm on 6/13/2019.

8 Christian Medical and Dental Association. “CMDA Position Statement on Transgender Identification”. Adopted April 21, 2016. Retrieved from https://cmda.org/article/transgender-identification/ on 6/6/2019.

9 Robbins, Jane. “Why Puberty Blockers are a Clear Danger to Children’s Health”. The Federalist. Retrieved from https://thefederalist.com/2018/12/14/puberty-blockers-clear-danger-childrens-health/ on 6/6/2019.

10 Cantor, James. “How Many Transgender Kids Grow Up to Stay Trans?” PsyPost. Posted December 30, 2017. Retrieved from https://www.psypost.org/2017/12/many-transgender-kids-grow-stay-trans-50499 on 2/24/2019.

11 Cretella, Dr. Michelle. “I’m a Pediatricina. How Transgender Ideology Has Infiltrated My Field and Produced Large-Scale Child Abuse.” The Daily Signal. Posted July 3, 2017. Retrieved from https://www.dailysignal.com//print?post_id=342833 on 6/10/2019.

First three images used under license from www.shutterstock.com. Forth image used with permission from www.unsplash.com.

© 2019 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.  This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given to Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.

Do Not Despise Your Strength!

God, in Tagaytay, Philippines May 1, 2019

The Lord spoke to me during a team meeting at the Filipino International Living Waters Leadership Training and said, “Do not despise your strength.” This might sound like a simple concept to most people, but for many of us who have endured childhood sexual abuse, it isn’t quite that easy.

It felt like I had to surrender my own strength during the abuse. I knew that if I resisted, I would be hurt. Badly. Instead of fighting the abuse, my heart “went somewhere else” while the rest of me just endured. That created the message that I was a weak coward who simply “let the abuse happen”. Since our body parts don’t know that the sensations were caused by unwanted abuse, they respond how those body parts were made to respond. This simultaneously creates the sense that we’re being betrayed by our own bodies, and plants the lie that we “like” the abuse. Since resisting the abuse would bring more pain, I began to believe that my own strength was dangerous... something to be avoided… something to despise.

When the Lord told me to stop despising my own strength, He began to unfold these dark dynamics of abuse. He also began to unfold the truth about strength. It wasn’t weakness to recognize that I would be hurt if I resisted the abuse. It was actually strength to endure the abuse and come out the other side. It takes strength to acknowledge the pain and confusion of abuse, and to bring that pain and confusion to the only one who can truly heal our souls. Jesus endured the torture and abuse of the cross. He suffered unspeakable torment for us. And He can heal us. He can give us the strength to face the truth and speak the truth. Jesus can set us free from the devastating effects of abuse.

As we learn to stand in His strength, there will be times when people who are used to taking advantage of our weakness rise up and try to come against our strength. It is then that we need to lean on Jesus, the true source of our strength, and live the truth of 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. As we experience the reality of God’s strength made perfect in our weakness, we learn to stand in Christ. He will give us the strength to persevere through the opposition and gain victory through His power. Rather than being something to despise, our own strength – really, Christ’s strength in our weakness – is something to be embraced.

My name is Dan Hitz, and I’m the Executive Director of Reconciliation Ministries. As I share this part of my journey with you, I hope that it gives you encouragement to continue to heal from the pain of your past. If you or someone you love has suffered from abuse, call Reconciliation Ministries at 586.739.5114 to find out how we can help you find healing. We offered licensed professional counseling, prayer ministry, and support groups to help you overcome sexual struggles and the trauma of abuse.

© 2019 Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.  This article may be reproduced and distributed as long as no fee is charged and credit is given to Reconciliation Ministries of Michigan, Inc.