A Painful Mother's Day?

Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!

Isaiah 49:15 NIV

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This is the season when many celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. We want to acknowledge that for some of us, those days may not bring about pleasant memories. You may have had abusive parents. You may not even know your father or mother. Maybe your parents were physically present in the home but you felt like you were invisible. Maybe your life would have been much easier if one of your parents weren’t around at all.

Mother wounds and father wounds are one of the leading contributors to sexual and relational brokenness. God intended mothers to provide us with a “sense of being”, that feeling that we are loved and our needs are taken care of. Fathers are intended to empower us to embrace the identity and purpose that God created us to express. Proverbs 22:6 NKJV tells us to “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” If that is true, then what about the opposite? What if we train up a child in the way he or she should not go? The truth is that broken mothers and fathers inflict deep wounds in the hearts of their children. Sometimes we try to numb our pain through sexual sin. Sometimes the wounds draw us into unhealthy relationships. Raising up a child in a way he should not go has its painful effects. It inflicts deep wounds.

The good news is that our Heavenly Father can heal those wounds. Psalm 27:10 NKJV reads “When my father and my mother forsake me, Then the Lord will take care of me.” God isn’t like our earthly parents. He is safe. He is kind. He is empowering. He loves us so much that while we were still sinners, Jesus willingly sacrificed Himself on the cross… not only to cleanse us from the sins that we committed, but to heal our hearts from the sins that were committed against us. Healing and transformation are huge in the heart of our Heavenly Father. They are huge in the heart of our Savior as well.

Forgiveness with Boundaries

Over the years, I’ve heard a lot of conflicting messages about forgiveness. Some of those messages caused more pain to those who were already deeply wounded. Some demand instant forgiveness for truly devastating wounds. Others say we haven’t forgiven if we still feel the pain of the offense. I’ve heard unrepentant offenders insist on forgiveness and demand that trust and reconciliation accompany that forgiveness. What do we make of all this and more?

Forgiveness and healing are two different processes. They are often interwoven. Sometimes our hearts need to experience healing in order to forgive, and sometimes we need to forgive in order to heal. The Lord asks us to be open to Him in these processes. True forgiveness may take time for healing and learning to understand the effects of the offense. Bitterness can keep us trapped in our wounds.

The Lord asks us to lay down our anger and resentment towards those who wound us. Human, emotional forgiveness is different from the judicial forgiveness of one’s sins that only God can provide. Judicial forgiveness from God requires a repentant heart. Laying down our resentment towards those who wounded us is independent of the attitude of our offender. Even if our offender is unrepentant and happy that he has wounded us, human forgiveness frees us from being emotionally captive to our pain.

Forgiveness is also different from trust and restoration of relationship. Trust must be earned. Even though we may have forgiven someone, their continued actions may prove they remain untrustworthy. We are not required to restore relationships with dangerous people. There may also be situations where our offenders may actually be repentant and trustworthy; however, the situation may not require a restoration of relationship. We can practice forgiveness with boundaries.

God Is Faithful!

I thank my God every time I remember you…  being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:3,6

Dear Friends,

God is always faithful and good. About eight or nine years ago our family was going through a horrible valley. I was at the point of giving up hope when the Lord spoke to me and said, "It’s not over yet." Since that day worse things have happened. Since that day better things have happened. I can honestly say that God has been faithful through it all. The situation from eight years ago remains unresolved; nevertheless, I can still say that God is faithful and good. No matter what you're going through today, He loves you very much and He will carry you. He will finish the good work He started in you.

Reconciliation Ministries is here to help. If you or someone you know is struggling, call us at 586.739.5114. We have multiple options available to care for you. There are currently openings for individual licensed professional counseling and prayer ministry. Walking Free, our open support group for men and women at any stage in their recovery, is held on the second and fourth Monday of each month. The Healing Hearts group for parents and family members of individuals dealing with LGBTQ issues meets on the second Sunday of each month. As we look ahead to the future, our next Living Waters program will be starting in October with a reduced tuition rate, while our Mending the Soul program will expand to fourteen weeks and is tentatively scheduled to begin next October.

We would like to thank you for helping us expand the ministry and touch more hearts. In our last newsletter, we asked for your help to add an additional office and give our entrance a much needed facelift. We are happy to report that we have received the finances we need for this project. The participants will soon be greeted with a warmer entrance. We will be adding another therapist soon and increasing our outreach. Thank you for making this all possible through your prayers and financial support.

Your brother in Christ,

Dan